


Breaking Free

by Snowy38



Category: Harry Styles - Fandom, Larry Stylinson - Fandom, Louis Tomlinson - Fandom, One Direction (Band)
Genre: Animal Welfare, Animal freedom, Circus, Fluff, LionTamer!Louis, M/M, Sharing a Room, Smut, Theft, Trapeze!Harry, Young Love, aspirations, scarred harry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-06
Updated: 2018-08-10
Packaged: 2019-06-06 09:06:46
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 15
Words: 43,411
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15191453
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Snowy38/pseuds/Snowy38
Summary: “Let me introduce myself properly. I’m Ricardo Jose Diablo,” he beamed. “This is Louis Tomlinson, our resident lion-tamer,” he added.Harry glanced again at the other young man.“Harry,” he put forth his hand only for a simple case of manners. “Harry Styles...”“What a great name, kid!” Ricardo grinned, squeezing his shoulder. “Now tell me something? Have you ever wanted to run away to the circus?”





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hi All
> 
> Please be aware that I am oh-so-conscious of the mistreatment of animals in circuses.  
> Featuring @BestLarrieFics. Thanks to Sara & Sam, Shauna and everyone who helps me who I forget to credit!  
> Inspired by the Greatest Showman and featuring songs from the movie, but the storyline is not the same!
> 
>  
> 
> Ang

 

 

It was exhilarating; watching the circus.

 

Harry had been to nearly every show the troupe performed in his town; he remembered the faces and he recognised when familiar players returned and he knew when new acts were phased in.

 

He'd snuck in; hidden under a shrouding, hooded cape with a scarf looped around his face. He'd tucked himself in behind the seating rack, squinting through the gaps to watch the troupe rehearse.

 

There was a favourite new act of Harry’s; a lion tamer with two beautiful, majestic lions. Often, he heard reports of animals in other touring circuses who were starved and whipped; _forced_ to carry out their tasks.

 

These animals were in glorious, peak condition. Their fur shone with health and they looked to be well-nourished. They were _trained._

 

And the man who commanded them around the stage was in complete control; nobody could doubt it even though the animals wore harnesses; tethered by strong leather leashes when walked by hand and secured by chains once they were in their designated place (to prevent them from roaming the crowd).

 

The man was petite; had a shock of pretty, chestnut hair and blue, blue eyes that were visible even from this far. His lashes narrowed in concentration, his thin pink lips pressed together and Harry felt an urge flush through him.

 

An urge to press his lips there upon those thin ones and see what it felt like to kiss him.

 

"Come on, Teddy!" The lion-tamer called jovially as his animal played stupid and remained sat on his haunches.

 

The tamer sighed.

 

"Oi. Just because we're rehearsing doesn't mean you can slack off... _up_ ," he repeated, flicking his hand to gesture the beast onto the circular, raised stage.

 

Teddy went, with a yawn and a lick of his lips.

 

"Good lad," the man told him. “Now, open your mouth..."

 

Teddy took three commands to comply and Harry couldn't help snickering to himself.  The tamer turned instinctively towards the sound; eyes narrowed in suspicion.

 

 _Shit_.

 

Harry held his breath.

 

The man turned up the sleeve of his pale shirt; secured to his body by suspenders attached to his tight trousers. He turned back to his work; the weird noise forgotten.

 

Harry's tummy began to turn.

 

What was he-? He wasn’t _really_ going to—

 

The man laid his forearm in the lion’s mouth, on top of his tongue and behind his incisors.

 

_Holy cow._

 

Harry bit his hand to silence his whimper. Surely, he would move now? Surely, he'd pull his arm back out?

 

In slow motion, the lion’s jaws clamped shut, the tamer’s arm trapped between sharp teeth. Harry couldn't help but gasp.

 

"Who's there?" The man twisted to ask.

 

Harry swallowed heavily, untangling himself from his settled position among the framework of the seating.

 

 _Shit, shit, shit_. He had to move _fast_.

 

His long body swung down the beams with a grace most only dreamed of; breaths coming fast from panic, not from lack of fitness. He was an athlete himself; he didn’t easily get out of breath.

 

He had nearly made it to the exit to flee to safety when a tall; imposing man strode through it. _The Ring Master._

 

 _Shit_. He was about to die.

 

"Who are you?" The authoritative man boomed. "What are you doing in here?" 

 

He grasped Harry by his skinny arm and hauled him close.

 

"You on the nick, boy?"

 

"N-no, I-"

 

"He's come to join the circus," a voice called out.

 

The lion-tamer walked over to join them; lips pulling into a smirk when Harry twisted to peek at him; shrouded by his hood and scarf. 

 

Harry swallowed.

 

"Is that so, Tomlinson?" The Ring Master asked.

 

Instead of laughing uproariously; or having him removed, the Ring Master gave him a once-over.

 

"What's your talent?" He asked.

 

Harry gulped. _He didn't have one._

"I saw him climb down the bleachers, Boss," Tomlinson supplied. 

 

Harry twisted to give him another glare.

 

"I doubt _climbing_ is a talent you seek," he muttered to himself under the cover of his scarf that pulled up over his lips.

 

The Ring Master’s hand loosened it’s grip on him.

 

“You athletic?” He asked, doubtfully.

 

Harry pushed the scarf over his nose.

 

“You don’t want me in your show,” he promised quietly, averting his eyes when the older man stared at him.

 

He hadn’t denied his athleticism because he was a poor liar. But he was right in saying they wouldn’t want him. Because they wouldn’t. Nobody did, really.

 

“Then what are you doing here?” He asked.

 

Harry shrugged, ignoring the weight of Tomlinson's gaze on his back.

 

“Just a street kid with nowhere to go,” he smirked wryly.

 

When he swallowed it gave away his fear. The boss released his arm.

 

“Alright, boy,” he allowed with an assessing gaze. “But we need a new trapeze artist if you know anyone with the strength,” he eyed Harry's slim body with a distrustful look.

 

Harry felt something flare in his chest that felt a lot like indignation.  _He was strong!_ He was stronger than both of them put together, probably.  He’d worked for years as a gymnast, his only enjoyment in a world he hated living in; curled cold and alone in bed when he wasn’t working on the beam or swinging from the rings.

 

“Fuck you,” he whispered and twisted to stalk further into the giant striped tent; the lions wandering closer curiously as he stormed through their resting place.

 

Tomlinson moved to reign them in but Harry moved too fast to be bothered. He headed straight for the may pole; climbing the spikes that formed a ladder on the steady wooden spike; his lungs burning as he forced himself up into the rafters.

 

A single metal hoop hung there; balanced and secure. Harry flung off the hessian robe and tucked down his scarf; earning a gasp from below.

 

He ignored the wisp of fear at that reaction and he grasped the hoop with both hands; testing its balance. They couldn’t possibly see his scars so the sound of surprise must be more to do with his stupidity in proving his point.

 

“Be careful up there!” The boss yelled.

 

“Teddy hasn’t had lunch!” Tomlinson added.

 

Harry pushed himself off from the platform and swung into the air. His jeans and boots and thick jumper probably looked _ridiculous_ as he swung about but fuck it if _anyone_ was going to tell him he wasn’t strong enough!

 

He somersaulted through the tiny circular frame and hung upside down; grubby hands reaching for the ground.

 

He watched the two onlookers below, staring at him.

 

_Shit._

He had to get down. How the fuck was he meant to get down?!

 

He swung himself back to the ledge and artfully pulled himself onto it, steadily descending the ladder until he reached the ground.

 

He re-wrapped his scarf around his face and looked about for his robe.

 

It was hanging from Tomlinson's fingers. He reached for it but the man merely smirked and snatched it away.

 

Harry felt one of the lions brush by his hip. He reached a hand down and laid his palm open for the animal to sniff. When the creature looked at him with beautiful amber eyes he swallowed and settled his hand into its fluffy mane.

 

“Is this one Teddy?” He asked, avoiding eye-contact with the tamer.

 

“Actually that’s Felix,” Tomlinson mused. “Flirts with everyone...”

 

Harry petted Felix for a bit longer, stroking his soft nose. He peeked at the young man, brows furrowing in trying to work out if it was him who had gasped when he’d shucked off his cape.

 

Tomlinson didn’t look to be shocked.

 

“Well, you’re a _natural_!” The boss bellowed, startling him.

 

He yanked his hand up when Felix playfully snapped his teeth at the sudden loud noise.

 

“Hey, less of that,” Tomlinson tugged on his leash to bring him away.

 

“Son!” The older man clapped a hand on Harry’s shoulder, making him flinch. “When can you start?”

 

Harry gulped.

 

“Didn’t you see my face?” He whispered, reaching for his cloak once more. Tomlinson handed it over. “I’m not good enough to join the show.”

 

“You’ll be too high up for anyone to see!” The boss cheered. “Let me introduce myself properly,” he added. “I’m Ricardo Jose Diablo,” he beamed. “This is Louis Tomlinson, our resident lion-tamer,” he added.

 

Harry glanced again at the other young man.

 

Louis was busy holding back two, 400 pound cats who both vied for Harry’s attention. Louis might be small but he was strong; his arms bulged with muscles that told of a great strength hidden behind his loose clothes.

 

Harry wondered what he made of Ricardo’s dramatic introduction.

 

“Harry,” he put forth his hand only for a simple case of manners. “Harry Styles...”

 

“What a great name, kid!” Ricardo grinned, squeezing his shoulder. “Now tell me something? Have you ever wanted to run away to the circus?”

 

//

 

Harry hugged his duffel bag and ducked his chin; threading through the dark unseen.

 

He’d boarded at the orphanage for fifteen years (the first two years of his life were spent with his birth mother before she gave him up) and when he turned eighteen next month, he would be homeless.

 

Now he was heading toward an unknown future. A future which was strangely more secure than his life would have been had he turned down Ricardo’s offer.

 

The circus was putting on their first of three shows in town tonight and Harry felt excitement flutter in his chest at the thought of it.

 

It was quickly followed by a swoop of uncertainty at the idea that _he_ could soon be part of that show, but he tried to push the feeling away.

 

Tonight, he had people waiting for him. Tonight, he had _someone_ who cared. Tonight he had the prospect of joining a _family_ and he wasn’t ready to give that hope up just yet.

 

He was joining the circus and it felt so fucking _good._

//

 

“What do you mean I have to _share_?”

 

Harry swallowed. He could hear every word from _inside_ the caravan as he hovered _outside_.

 

Teddy and Felix were asleep in their cages; he’d snuck around to whisper goodnight to them when Ricardo had told him he’d organise a bed for him for the night.

 

Apparently Louis wasn’t as accommodating.

 

“Come on, Louis,” Harry heard Ricardo reason with the younger man. “He’s new...I need you to look after him. Take him under your wing...”

 

“What about Laura?” Louis argued. “She’s the one he’ll be flying around with! Let her be mother hen...”

 

“He’s not a baby chick,” the boss teased.

 

Harry bit his lip and pushed away from the caravan. Maybe he hadn’t found his calling after all. Maybe this place _wasn’t_ destined to become home.

 

He trudged through the field and felt something in his heart break when he looked back on the pretty scene; giant top shadowed in the dark and little lights from the travelling community decorating the flat piece of land. It was beautiful somehow; a quiet lull of activity and a known routine to stick to.

 

Harry had committed himself to his gymnastics for the sole reason it gave him somewhere to be with something to do.

 

He climbed down the bank by the small stream and folded his legs up right by the water. Maybe he could toss himself in and never be found. Maybe the water could wash away his sins and cleanse his scars from his skin.

 

He wiped away his tears. He had no time for sentimentality. If the circus didn’t want him then he'd find his place elsewhere. He didn’t know where that was yet but he knew he couldn’t go back. It was too late for that.

 

He sighed into the dark.

 

“Hope you’re not running away _already_.”

 

The tone was accusing but the voice was kind of raspy; as though the speaker held some uncertainty in his words. Harry didn’t turn around.

 

“Just contemplating how long it would take to find my body if I drowned...”

 

Louis snorted.

 

“Look, if we’re gonna be roomies you’re going to have to cheer up a bit, pal...”

 

Harry smiled sadly to himself.

 

“It's okay, Louis.  You don’t have to pretend. I know you don’t want to share with me.”

 

Louis huffed and Harry sensed him fidgeting until another huff came and then a lot of grumbling as Louis stumbled down the bank to sit beside him.

 

“Can you pick a better place to contemplate drowning next time, please?”

 

Harry tried not to smile. He tilted his face away, fingers tugging his scarf over his mouth.

 

“Is that a smile?” Louis leaned across to peer at him, eyes squinted. “Fucking hell, I think that’s a smile.”

 

Harry listened to the water bubbling over the pebbles in the river bed. Louis cleared his throat.

 

“You didn’t actually stick around for long enough to hear _why_ I didn’t want to share my van,” Louis offered gently.

 

Harry peered across at him; scarf brushing his cheek.

 

Louis sighed.

 

“I just got used to having my own space after the last guy left. I didn’t _actually_ mean any of it,” Louis budged his arm gently.

 

“I’ll be really quiet, I promise.” Harry pledged.

 

“I won’t.” Louis grinned in return.

 

“I’ll sleep on the floor if that’s what you want,” he added desperately.

 

“Don’t be daft, there’s two bunks,” he sighed.

 

Harry glanced at him in the dark. Still incredibly beautiful and _powerful._ He wondered if Louis knew how much power he held.

 

Louis looked over at him and he quickly darted his gaze away.

 

“So...are you going to make me drag you out of the stream?” Louis asked.

 

Harry shook his head and stood up; a little unsteady on his feet.  He hadn’t eaten since yesterday lunchtime and his head was swimming.

 

He followed Louis quietly back to the trailer.

 

//

 

Harry took the top bunk.

 

Louis had assigned it to him with some cheeky remark about how Harry liked being up high.  Harry suspected he was in fact scared of heights himself since he looked frightened to death after merely making up the bed for Harry to sleep in (stood only on the third rung of the ladder to reach).

 

So he was doing this. He was staying. And it might not feel like home yet but-

 

He froze as a light, purring noise sounded beneath him.

 

“Louis?”

 

It came again and Harry couldn’t help his smile. Louis was snoring and it was the best sound he'd ever heard.

 

“Goodnight,” he whispered to the world.

 

//

 

Teddy and Felix were just breath-taking.

 

Harry watched the show the next night from the back row; experienced eyes picking out the commands Louis gave them which were unknown to the spell-bound crowd. 

 

The lions worshipped him and Harry could see why. He was in perfect control.

 

But Louis worshipped his animals, too. He let them play silly when they curled a paw over their snout when refusing to obey. He let them chase him across the stage and tackle him to the ground.

 

Harry’s breath had caught in his chest when Louis had tumbled but when Teddy trotted into the arena Louis was there safely clutched under his big body.

 

Teddy even allowed Louis to ride him like a horse but Louis didn’t stay up on his back for long.

 

Harry felt relief settle into his body that he’d picked the right troupe to join.

 

Once the lion show was over he lifted his face to the overhead wires; Laura climbing up the iron pegs to her perch. He swallowed. _Shit_.

 

That would be him, soon.

 

“Isn’t she brilliant?” Louis settled beside him in a spare seat; warm thigh pressed against Harry's.

 

Harry looked over at him in his red, soldier-like suit and arched a brow.

 

“She is,” he agreed, fingers stroking his scarf gently to make sure it covered his cheeks.

 

“You gonna do a duet?” Louis wondered.

 

Harry shrugged.

 

“Ricardo said she’s leaving, so...”

 

Louis nodded. Harry cleared his throat to speak again, green eyes flicking over Louis’ uniform once more.

 

“Are you like a Deputy Ring Master?” He asked.

 

Louis rolled his eyes.

 

“No. I’m just the lion-tamer,” he mused.

 

“But your uniform is like Ricardo’s...”

 

“ _Technically_ the Ring Master is usually the lion-tamer,” Louis explained. “ _Technically_ I’m doing Ricardo’s job.”

 

Harry frowned. There must be a but.

 

When Louis didn’t add a “but” Harry glanced at him; his scarf slipping down his face slightly.

 

“Where’s the but?” He prompted.

 

Louis raised impish brows.

 

“You’re a butt guy? I didn’t guess.”

 

“No- well, yes I _am,_ but I mean-“

 

Louis swallowed, holding his gaze as if to test he could trust him with his next words.

 

“I’m not tall enough to be Ring Master,” he shared quietly, his voice a near mumble.

 

Harry’s eyes held Louis’ steady.

 

“How do you know if you’ve never tried?”

 

“I’m not _allowed_ to try,” Louis mused. “That’s how I know.”

 

“Louis--“

 

Louis interrupted before Harry could finish his thoughts.

 

“Time for the final bow,” Louis chirped and rushed down the stairs to make the stage in time for his curtain call.

 

//

 

While everyone was eating _together_ and drinking _together_ and laughing _together,_ Harry slipped away from the crowd.

 

It was true that he yearned for his own family; people who he belonged with, but he wasn’t used to such large numbers in one sitting.

 

At the orphanage they’d eaten in several sittings; twelve boys to each table. There had to be at least fifty people crammed around the make-shift dinner table under the tarpaulin, each voice competing with another to be heard.

 

Harry had only ever competed in his sport, he wasn’t used to competing to be heard. His voice wasn’t loud enough to drown the others out. And anyway, he didn’t want people to look at him and stare at his scars.

 

The lions were in their secure pen; settled down after their own evening meal and he found himself circling their cage; fingers clasped around the bars.

 

Teddy was leaned up against the iron; big warm body pressing against the gaps as he breathed heavily; slow and rhythmic. Harry slipped his hand through the gap and patted his fluffy head

 

“It’s quiet out here, huh?” He asked the animal. “I get why you like it.”

 

Felix launched up from his position beside Teddy and wandered toward the door; massive feet padding over the grass.

 

Harry glanced up, checking if it was locked. There was a padlock hooked through the two metal loops of the enclosure but it wasn’t pressed shut. He swallowed, glancing around furtively.

 

Nobody was around; the echoes of laughter scattered from the service tent.

 

He crept over to the cage door and twisted the padlock away, unhooking it to slip the door open.

 

“Just don’t fucking eat me;” he whispered to the roaming Felix.

 

Felix yawned.

 

Harry carefully hooked the lock back into place once he was inside. It was quite big, the paddock, but not nearly big enough for the cats to run. He wondered if Louis took them for walks in the fields and he ached to go along.

 

“Hey, there,” he murmured as Felix butted him with his head. He reached down to thread his fingers into his mane with a shaky hand. He untucked his scarf with the other. “Be nice to me, yeah?”

 

Teddy lifted his head in the corner, ear flicking impatiently

 

“Alright I’m coming,” he mused with an eye-roll, his hand resting on Felix's shoulders as the gigantic graceful animal led him over.

 

Harry sat on the ground with crossed legs; petting Teddy’s muzzle affectionately.

 

“You’re just a big softie aren’t you?” He murmured amusedly.

 

In here, his scars didn’t matter.  His life to date didn’t matter. His mistakes and his regret didn't matter. His possible future epic fail at flying the trapeze didn’t matter.

 

He curled his arms around Teddy’s neck.

 

“I got you, buddy,” he murmured. “Do you got me?”

 

Felix nestled his cheek against Harry’s thighs; pinning him in place. He closed his eyes with a smile on his face.


	2. Chapter 2

“Alright you two, up and at them!”

 

Louis unfastened the cage door; two heavy leather harnesses threaded on his arm.

 

He frowned as he approached his reluctant lions. There was something in the cage that shouldn’t be there and his heart leapt into his throat.

 

 _Shit_.

 

Human clothes.

 

“What’s that then, Ted?” He wondered aloud as he approached slowly, hand out for his cats to smell.

 

He coaxed Felix away and his mouth fell open.

 

Scrawny; curly haired and most definitely _Harry_ was laid there; curled around _his_ lion.

 

“What the fuck?”

 

He’d gone to bed panicking that Harry hadn’t come back to sleep; worrying incessantly that he’d made Harry feel unwelcome because of his hissy fit about sharing his bunk.

 

Truth was; Louis was a messy little shit who like to sing along to show tunes and nobody needed to know that really.

 

And yet here was Harry, preferring to sleep uncomfortably wrapped around a ferocious beast rather than bumming with _Louis_. He swallowed down his guilt.

 

“Hey, Curly,” he called. “Time to get up!”

 

Harry snorted cutely in his sleep and twisted to ensconce himself more comfortably into Teddy’s side.

 

“Hey!” Louis pointed a toe to stir him but the sudden move caught an awakening Teddy’s attention and his beloved animal hefted onto his front paws to roar at him in soft warning.

 

Louis stepped back a bit and shifted his eyes from Harry to his cat.

 

“Where’s the loyalty, Ted?” He swallowed down his momentary fear.

 

As tame as his animals were; he was worried that one day he’d step over the line. He just hadn’t expected their ferocity to be in protection of another human. One they’d only met two days before.

 

Teddy bared his teeth but Louis knew it was an empty threat. He'd _taught_ him that move. He smirked.

 

“Try again, kitten,” He arched a brow.

 

Harry, who had been dislodged when Teddy leaned forward, rubbed his hands over his face and quickly set about finding the ends of his scarf to re-wrap it before anyone saw. His heart shot up into his throat when he saw it had been dragged into the pen somehow.

 

He had no choice but to hide behind Teddy’s mane while he figured out a plan.

 

“I would ask why you slept with the lions,” Louis commented casually while he walked over to the abandoned scarf. “But I’m not sure I want to know...”

 

Harry ducked when Louis bent to pick up the length of fine navy cotton, flapping it out to rid the particles of dust and fur clinging to it.

 

He approached Harry much like he approached his lions - slowly and with a soft voice.

 

“You must be hungry. Breakfast isn’t packed up yet. They’ll get you started on training today...”

 

Louis held out the scarf; his view being of his disloyally protective lion with a head of curly hair peeking over his ear and a waif-like body leaned into his shoulder.

 

“Here,” he flicked the scarf to get his attention.

 

Harry snatched the cloth and furiously wound it around his neck; sliding it carefully over his cheeks.

 

Louis tilted his head; confusion lining his blue eyes.

 

“Why _do_ you do that?” He asked curiously.

 

Harry stepped out of Teddy’s shadow a bit. He blinked at Louis; eyes like complex green galaxies staring into Louis' soul.

 

“Why aren’t _you_ the Ring Master?” He asked back with more courage than Louis would have credited him for.

 

He choked out a laugh, moving to harness Felix since Teddy wasn’t into giving Harry up just yet; still eyeing Louis astutely as he moved.

 

“You’ll fit in just right around here,” he muttered.

 

Harry hoped that was a compliment.

 

//

 

Louis hadn’t stared.

 

Harry didn’t know how much he’d _seen_ since he’d been shrouded by a giant cat at the time but-

 

Well; it was reasonable to think Louis had seen his scars.

 

Laura was putting him through her tough fitness regime - running followed by weights followed by ring work. He had to work his way up to the hoops they used in the show.  He had to build muscle and put on weight, she'd said.

 

It would double his strength, apparently.

 

Jogging was one of his favourite things. He liked being alone in the middle of nowhere. He liked the steady pace and rhythm to his movements.

 

He’d started getting bad skin at fourteen. At first it was just a few pimples; nothing to worry about for a teenage boy. Within a few months he'd broken out into serious acne; creams and medications prescribed to help but already the damage was done.

 

His cheeks were pock-marked, dotted with tiny indentations that spread right across his skin. The acne had scarred him in more ways than one. To his orphanage, it was just a coming-of-age cross to bear; infantile teasing and silly name-calling. To Harry, it had been so much more.

 

He’d always been a sensitive child; his skin and health bore evidence to that but being made to feel insignificant and _worse_ because of his face...

 

He swallowed bitterly.

 

He might have to devise a mask to wear on stage like some kind of cool; mysterious superhero. Only he wasn’t cool.

 

Most people just stared. Some _asked_ but not many disregarded it. He frowned, his original thought nudging back into his mind.

 

 _Louis hadn’t stared._ He hadn’t _asked_ either.

 

Maybe he _hadn’t_ seen?

 

Harry sighed.

 

He shared a bunk bed with the guy; he’d see sooner or later. Harry decided later was best.

 

//

 

“Maybe I could just introduce the twins?”

 

Louis was hedging at Ricardo’s feet, uniform clutched in his hand.

 

Ricardo smirked down at him.

 

“You are good with the lions! Stick to the lions, Louis.”

 

“It's just—I want to see what it’s like,” he explained. “To introduce people...to, you know, run the show.”

 

Ricardo laughed and slipped an arm around Louis' shoulders.

 

“I am not a young man and one day this will all be yours,” he promised. “Until that day, _I_ introduce the acts!”

 

Louis stopped dead and felt Ricardo’s arm slip away as he kept walking towards the changing rooms.

 

Maybe he could train Felix to rip out the seat of his pants?

 

“Come on, you’re the star of the show!” Ricardo turned to beckon him.

 

Louis swallowed. _That_ was a lie. But it was one he had to live with.

 

//

Harry helped the troupe to pack up.

 

He should feel a wistfulness about leaving town; the place was some sort of home to him. But his heart ached to discover new places; finding new people to meet.

 

He sat down to dinner with the group that night, taking the very end seat of the table. Ricardo’s wife sat beside him and plopped a handful of materials into his lap.

 

“Here,” she smiled kindly. “Maybe you can incorporate them into your routine?” She suggested. “Some kind of middle eastern dance perhaps?”

 

Harry grinned, fingering the soft scarves with reverence. They were big enough to loop over his head like a hood before tightening around his neck to secure the material in place. He would look feminine but it was better than being stared at.

 

“Thank you,” he whispered earnestly; emotions catching in his throat.

 

“I think they’ll look pretty on you,” she winked. “Until we get your show costume sorted.”

 

Harry smiled wanly.

 

“Let's make sure I can do this, first.”

 

Isobel smiled at him.

 

“When you let the butterfly inside you come out...then you will fly,” she nodded knowingly.

 

Harry stared at her, his eyes flitting around the table as her words sank in.

 

_You will fly._

His eyes landed on his roommate. He hadn’t realised Louis had sat opposite him while they ate.

 

“Oh, hi,” he greeted shyly once Louis had finished snickering with the guy to his left; a rather mouthy brunette called Niall.

 

He played a leprechaun in the show beside Liam’s clown; his native Irish accent perfect for his role.

 

“Hi,” Louis smirked a bit.

 

“Did you have a good show?” Harry asked.

 

Niall and Isobel glanced at him but he fiddled with his lap of scarves. Harry had _watched_ the show. He knew it had been incredible.

 

Louis had done the arm-eating trick along with having Felix and Teddy leap through burning hoops.

 

Harry had watched with the same awe as the audience.

 

“Yeah, it was good, thanks,” Louis replied, tearing off some bread with his teeth.

 

“I thought the-”

 

“Tommo here is too modest,” Niall cut over Harry loudly. “He’s the best fucking act of the night. I personally think he should go on last instead of the horses...”

 

Isobel was the star of the horse show with three other beautiful female riders. They were enticing and sexy and they were Ricardo's women. There was no way Louis would jump queue to perform after them.

 

“Well I think the-”

 

Isobel grasped Harry's forearm.

 

“The horses are magnificent!” She beamed at the Irish man. “At least wait until I have left the table to stage a revolution!”

 

They all laughed and Harry went back to his food. When the table started to clear, a small body hovered.

 

“Don’t sleep with the lions tonight, Curly.”

 

Louis voice was raspy and soft like he didn’t want anyone else to hear.

 

Harry looked up.

 

“I thought you didn’t want me around.”

 

Louis rolled his eyes.

 

“Niall's feet stink and Liam never shuts up,” he shared. “Bit like me. But you’re better,” he murmured. 

 

Harry nodded.

 

“Okay.”

 

Louis nodded too, just the once, seemingly satisfied.

 

//

 

“What were you trying to say earlier?”

 

Harry had tied his deerstalker around his chin before settling his head against the pillow.

 

“When?”

 

Louis flopped onto his back on the lower bunk.

 

“At dinner. You kept trying to talk and everyone kept interrupting...”

 

Harry gulped. Louis had noticed, then.

 

“Nothing, it doesn’t matter.”

 

He heard a cluck of disappointment from below.

 

“Curly. Everything you say matters,” he counselled. “Believe me. You don’t say a lot so I know that what you _do_ say, matters...”

 

Harry couldn’t help his lip-bitten smile and the warmth that bloomed in his chest. He felt a bit overwhelmed for a moment; paralysed by fear in case what he had to say wasn’t interesting or important.

 

The moment stretched on in silence until he cleared his throat.

 

“I thought the fire hoops were amazing,” his nostrils flared as he sucked in air.

 

Louis fidgeted a bit in his bed.

 

“Yeah, try telling Felix that,” he lamented. “Took me two months to get him through his first burning hoop...”

 

Harry smiled at the thought.

 

“Maybe he just needed a bit of time to get used to it. Maybe he just needed a bit of encouragement.”

 

Louis hummed.

 

“Sounds like you know something about this, Curly...”

 

“Am I stuck with that, now?” He mused of the nickname.

 

“I can call you _Butterfly_ instead if you’d like?” Louis quipped.

 

Harry giggled; breath catching in surprise and cutting off the sound prematurely.

 

Louis leaned to one side, twisting around to peer up into the top bunk. He could only make out the edge of Harry’s elbow. He watched him shift.

 

“Guess we should get some rest,” Louis murmured; settling back into place.

 

“Goodnight, Louis.”

 

“Goodnight, Harry.”

 

//

 

“I’m breaking you out...”

 

Harry stood slouched, hands on his hips. He was exhausted; sweat soaked into his rehearsal clothes.

 

He'd done three runs on the bar (on safety wires with a net beneath it) and he'd fallen a total of fifteen times.

 

Before he could register what Louis was doing, his wrist was seized by strong fingers and his entire body was being tugged along.

 

“I need a shower,” he complained as he tripped over his own foot.

 

Louis looked over his shoulder; gaze flicking up and down his body.

 

“You look fine.”

 

“I smell,” Harry lifted his arm to wipe off the sweat from his forehead. He subtly nosed against his armpit. The consensus wasn’t good.

 

Louis’ eyes lit up and he grinned a bit.

 

“We're not going on a date, I’m just breaking you out for a bit...”

 

Harry ducked his head shyly; checking his scarf was still in place (it was).

 

“Okay.”

 

“Laura can be pretty intense,” Louis added as he headed for the paddock.

 

“Oh?” Harry enquired of that statement.

 

Louis snorted. He fetched the harnessed lions and handed Harry the leash for Teddy.

 

“Since you’re now his favourite,” he murmured teasingly. “And no, I haven’t dated Laura if that’s what you mean...”

 

“I wasn’t - um,” Harry frowned. He wasn’t _what_?

 

Louis led him around the outskirts of the park; their new home for the next five days.

 

“I let them run off some energy before every show,” Louis explained. “They still like showing off for the audience when show time comes but they get to play and work off any natural aggression. “

 

“Do they ever hurt each other?” Harry let Teddy pull him along.

 

“They wrestle a bit, but they don’t bite each other. I get their nails and teeth filed by a specialist,” he added. “More as a safety precaution. I know my guys pretty well.”

 

“Where did you get them?” Harry asked next, quickening into a jog when Teddy increased his speed.

 

“Ah! Not yet!” Louis commanded.

 

Harry grinned as Teddy turned to playfully curl his lips, teeth snapping in the laziest of ways. He slowed down though, so Harry hitched a breath.

 

“I worked at another show,” Louis answered his question. “All the animals were donated; zoo rejects due to various issues.”

 

Harry glanced at him.

 

“What was their issue?” He nodded to the lions.

 

“They were abandoned by their Mother after being born and they needed to be weaned. I was the guy who stuck his hand up to take it on. I tamed them,” he added softly.

 

Harry gave him an impressed smile.

 

“You’ve done an amazing job, Louis, bringing them up.”

 

Louis shrugged with a self-depreciative grin.

 

“Did some research and learned along the way…”

 

“Um…so, do you date _anyone_ in the show?” Harry wondered then.

 

_Not Laura, obviously._

Louis reached the empty green stretch behind the park and unclipped his lion. Harry followed suit; releasing the two animals onto the wide expanse of grass. They immediately loped into a playful; heavy run; rearing up to wrestle affectionately.

 

“Wow,” Harry swallowed at the sight of the pair of them just being lions.

 

“Dating within the troupe can get messy,” Louis said then, breaking into Harry’s awe-filled moment.

 

He turned his head to look at Louis.

 

“Isn’t dating just messy, full stop?”

 

Louis smiled in vague agreement.

 

“It usually means someone goes,” he shared. “When it comes to an end...someone has to leave.”

 

“Ricardo and Isobel made it,” Harry argued. “They can’t be the only love story that ended in success.”

 

Louis closed his eyes with a bemused shake of his head.

 

“Wait. _You’re_ a romantic? The guy who wanted to drown himself in the river?”

 

Harry cringed at the reminder.

 

“Yeah. Well.”

 

“Ricardo and Isobel were married _before_ they became work partners,” Louis continued. “Only a few others made it and most of them left to get married or have kids.”

 

Harry smiled sadly; reaching his hand out to pet Teddy when he looked back to them for attention.

 

“Don’t think I’ll get to do either of those.”

 

Louis watched him for a long moment.

 

“There's ways around it,” he said as though he knew.

 

Harry paused; hand curving around Teddy’s snout.

 

“You’re gay too?”

 

Louis lifted a brow.

 

“Give the boy a prize.”

 

“ _That’s_ why they put us together?” He frowned.

 

Louis smiled.

 

“No. I’m the only one who had a spare bed. The juggler left two weeks before you joined so…”

 

Harry pouted.

 

“I can juggle.”

 

Louis bit into his bottom lip, eyes trailing down Harry’s front and falling onto his jeans fly.

 

“Can you now?”

 

Harry rolled his eyes with a breathy chuckle.

 

“Shut up.”

 

Louis smiled sweetly.

 

“Just asking a question, Curly...”

 

“Well... _don't_ ,” Harry smiled back.

 

And the depths of his dimples might have peeked past the edges of his scarf but Louis didn’t mention it.

 

//

 

“The Butterfly!”

 

Ricardo burst into the trapeze rehearsal to catch Harry mid-swing; his booming voice startling the young man enough for his grip to falter; resulting in his fall.

 

He hit the net with a resigned “oof!”

 

“That’s your stage name,” Ricardo added as Harry crawled to the edge of the net and somersaulted down.

 

He dusted off his resin-gritted hands against his tracksuit bottoms and flapped his t-shirt away from his sweaty torso.

 

“Can I wear make-up?”

 

Ricardo patted his arm.

 

“Dean does a magnificent job,” he assured.

 

Harry nodded. A few more weeks and he’d be ready.

 

“Take the afternoon off, Harry,” the older man said. “Laura needs rest before the big show and everyone else is setting up.”

 

Harry stepped forward eagerly.

 

“I can help.”

 

Ricardo smiled at him gently.

 

“Bambino, you will only get under our feet. Go! Enjoy your youth!”

 

He swept his hands in gesture of shooing Harry away. Harry headed for the shower block with a sigh.


	3. Chapter 3

 

“Oh.”

 

Harry had his bare back to the caravan door as he dried himself off and _moisturised._ Probably most of the men in the troupe didn’t bother.

 

He paused at hearing Louis’ soft uttered surprise. He swallowed and delicately reached for his robe. He quickly slipped it on and belted it; long hair wet around his face.

 

It was as good as a scarf.

 

“Sorry,” he climbed up the tiny ladder to his bunk and shifted to sit by the wall.

 

“I, um...I came back to get changed out of my uniform,” Louis explained. “I guess you weren’t expecting me back...”

 

Harry lifted one corner of his mouth. _Nope_. He hadn’t expected Louis back. He'd expected to fist himself off underneath his covers and clean himself up before Louis even took his last bow. So much for _that_ plan.

 

“Wait. Why’re you changing?” Harry asked astutely.

 

Louis wriggled out of his fitted red, long tailed jacket and sighed.

 

“Teddy has a toothache.  Felix doesn’t perform well without him and I can’t risk putting Teddy out there in case he gets overwhelmed...”

 

“Can I go see him?” Harry asked.

 

Louis smiled, unbuttoning his shirt and stripping it off to reveal his undershirt. Harry dipped his gaze to his lap.

 

“The vet's down there now having a look. I said I’d get changed and go back for the diagnosis,” he explained.

 

Harry sat up straight.

 

“I’m coming with you,” he stated.

 

Louis’ gaze travelled over him amusedly.

 

“You best put some clothes on then, Curly,” he teased. “Not sure the troupe is ready for all this man-hunk here...”

 

Harry huffed and flicked back his wet hair with a secret smile; realising too late that he’d just blown his cover.  His face was no longer hidden by his long hair. His heart constricted in his chest as he squeezed his eyes shut. Shit. _Shit, shit._

 

He slowly opened his eyes to assess Louis' reaction, but Louis was languidly smiling at him; his gaze seeming to be fixed around his mouth.

 

Harry let out his breath. _Oh well_. It was going to happen sooner or later and he’d have liked later but-

 

“Haven’t got all day, Butterfly,” Louis teased, moving to the chest of drawers to tug out a pair of sweatpants and a jumper to go over his vest.

 

Harry climbed down the steps to awkwardly pull on his underwear from underneath his robe. He shyly folded his arms while he waited for Louis to move so he could get to his t-shirts.

 

“You told Ricardo about the butterfly thing, didn’t you?” Harry mused.

 

Louis smiled smugly to himself.

 

“What makes you say that?”

 

Harry span around, unfurling the edge of his top with gentle fingers.

 

“He wants it to be the name of my act.”

 

“Good name,” Louis feigned innocence. “Catchy.”

 

Harry rifled through the small pool of scarves in his drawer and selected a pink printed one; expertly shrouding his face. He swallowed when he realised Louis was watching him. His body tensed; ready for the onslaught.

 

“Ready?” Louis asked only; blue eyes clinging to the soft pink material swathed around him.

 

“Ready,” Harry nodded.

 

//

 

When they got to the enclosure there was another man already there; an Asian guy with dark hair and eyes.

 

He twisted to smile at Louis.

 

“Hey, bro.”

 

“Hey!” Louis beamed. “What you doing down here?”

 

The guy shrugged, dark whiskey eyes moving slowly over Harry before flicking away.

 

“Thought I’d drop in on my best friend,” he said.

 

Harry dug his chin into his scarf as the other man looked at him once more.

 

“Oh,” Louis started, remembering his manners. “This is Zayn,” he told Harry. “He does the escape act,” he added.

 

Harry nodded. _The escape act which featured a monkey that he’d seen Louis petting._

 

“Hi,” he put forth his hand.

 

Zayn moved slowly to take it, squeezing hard.

 

“Heard we’d picked up a stray,” he commented.

 

Harry’s eyes focused on him, but he didn’t feel offended.

 

Louis gave his friend a quizzical look.

 

“We pick new acts up all the time,” he soothed. “How’s Teddy?”

 

“Vet's just finishing up,” Zayn moved away from the door to show the man attending to the giant cats.

 

The three of them stepped carefully into the cage. Zayn moved to stroke Teddy while Louis spoke to the vet. Harry hung back by the door feeling surplus to requirements.

 

It was obvious that Zayn wanted to catch up with Louis and he didn’t want to get in the middle of that. Once he’d heard the news about Teddy, he’d slip away.

 

“...quite a common problem among captive animals,” the vet was saying.

 

Louis glanced at his lion and then back to the man.

 

“He’ll be ok though? He’s not in pain?”

 

Harry pushed off the entry gate to move closer and the movement caught Teddy’s eye. The big animal dashed away from Zayn’s casual petting and rubbed his head against Harry’s thighs.

 

“Oh,” Harry smiled sheepishly, fussing him shyly.

 

He looked up to find three pairs of eyes on him; Zayn’s dark gaze more accusing than Louis' soft blue and the vet's amused brown.

 

“Looks like you’ve got a new recruit,” the vet commented.

 

“Nah, he flies in the air,” Zayn offered. “Louis’ the only lion tamer around here.”

 

Harry swallowed; standing up from his knelt position where he’d been gently wrestling with Teddy.

 

“I’m going to leave you guys to it,” he said, turning for the door.

 

Teddy tilted his head in confusion as Harry dipped out of the cage. Teddy looked to Louis and Louis just frowned at the now-empty space

 

“Let’s go to town,” Zayn said once the vet had left and Teddy had been put to bed.

 

“Yeah,” Louis replied distractedly. “Yeah, okay.”

 

//

 

“Like this?” Harry copied the exact set of movements Laura had shown him; somersaulting through the hoop before dangling one handed; body star-fished for show.

 

Laura clapped and Harry grinned at her; trying out his own moves.

 

“Don’t overdo it, babe,” she chided gently.

 

“I’m not,” he gripped the hoop behind his head and spun around.

 

“You’ve learnt the first half of the routine now, so you can practice a few times and show Ricardo.”

 

Harry slowed his spins and watched her as he watched him. Her blonde hair was plaited tight against her head and her kind eyes settled on him.

 

“When are you leaving?” He asked.

 

She had told him right away that there was no point learning a duet.  Harry was her intended replacement, but he didn’t feel anywhere near ready to perform.

 

“When you’re ready,” she winked.

 

Harry smiled back, sitting on the hoop and hugging his arms over the circular frame.

 

“You’re going easy on me,” he noted.

 

Laura rolled her eyes, standing up from her seated position on the ledge to climb down.

 

“You’re not so bad,” she teased.

 

“Hey!” Harry gasped, pulling himself to towards the ledge to follow her down. “Who said I was?!”

 

Laura’s laugh echoed in the empty tent.

 

She shrugged as they jumped to the ground and started to stretch out.

 

“Takes some of them a while to warm up to new folk,” she said of the troupe.

 

Harry nodded, biting his lip.

 

“Will they like me, do you think?”

 

Laura reached up and he jerked his head back out of her reach.

 

She let him meet her gaze and he held his breath when she persistently combed back his sweaty fringe.

 

“They’re going to love you,” she assured. “If you let them...”

 

Harry lifted his chin a bit; breath catching.

 

“Hello, hello, what’s all this?” Louis bounced into the tent and Harry’s gaze lingered on Laura’s for a second before he stepped away; snatching a towel off the side of the net to wrap around his neck.

 

“Nothing, just talking,” Laura smiled at Louis as Harry tugged his towel up over his cheeks slightly.

 

“Crikey,” Louis joked. “You feeling alright, Curly?”

 

Harry rolled his eyes.

 

“I’m feeling fine,” he huffed. “I _talk_ ,” he added defensively.

 

Louis smirked.

 

“Well _your_ idea of talking and _my_ idea of talking are obviously very different...”

 

Harry stuck his tongue out while he stretched his arms above his neck.

 

“Anyway, I’m going to the shower block.”

 

“Teddy wants to see you, after,” Louis told him.

 

Laura eyed the pair with a knowing smile.

 

“I’m out of here. See you later, Harry,” she moved to press a light kiss against his cheek. “Louis,” she added with a nod before she walked out.

 

“Hey! Where’s _my_ kiss, Lorry?”

 

Laura blew Louis a kiss with a grin and a wink.

 

“Don’t call me that, Lewis!”

 

Harry cleared his throat.

 

“I really need to shower,” he said again.

 

Louis looked at him with something in those kind blue orbs that he hadn’t yet worked out.

 

“You don’t stink you know.”

 

Harry smiled.

 

“I feel icky.”

 

Louis’ gaze changed into something like wonder.

 

“You’ve got dimples!” He accused.

 

Harry pouted.

 

“No. I _don’t_ ,” he ducked his chin into his towel.

 

“You do!” Louis gasped. “Do it again!” He approached Harry boisterously and Harry faltered back half a step.

 

“Do what- _Louis!_ _”_ His breath hitched in fear as he staggered away from Louis’ approach. “Please!” He put his arms up to shield himself.

 

Louis froze, furrows forming above his brows. Harry was shaking; lowering his arms with a shameful frown; his gaze lowered to the floor.

 

Harry's heart ran frantic in his chest and he felt like his head was spinning so hard it might rip off his body but when he opened his eyes he was standing perfectly still.

 

“I-I need to shower,” he whispered, pressing his jittery fingers against his thighs.

 

 _Shit_.

 

Now Louis would be _suspicious._

Harry sensed Louis step away slightly.

 

“I’ll meet you at the enclosure?” He asked hopefully and Harry had nearly forgotten about the invite.

 

He nodded and scurried away.

 

//

 

He’d left his jaw-length hair damp in curls; his favourite soft pink scarf swirled around his neck.

 

His blue jeans and brown boots looked smart.  His cream jumper and wool coat were warm.

 

Louis was in his riding trousers and a loose billowy shirt just like before; suspenders hanging down over his ass.

 

Harry tried not to stare at it, but it was kind of hard when Louis had his back to him; leaning his front against the enclosure door.

 

“Look, he’s coming okay, Ted? Stop looking at me like that...aren't my cuddles good enough anymore?”

 

Harry felt a grin creep onto his lips as he approached with a soft clearing of his throat.

 

When Louis spun to greet him, Harry froze in place, lip bitten between his teeth to curb his smile.

 

Louis stared at him.

 

“Oh. You’re here. “

 

“I’m here,” Harry lifted a brow.

 

“You...smell nice,” Louis tilted his head a fraction.

 

Harry pursed his lips.

 

“Funny that.”

 

He wondered if Louis would mention his scars. He wondered if he’d mention his _dimples._

“He’s well enough to go onstage but I think he misses you,” Louis unlocked the cage to slide open the door.

 

Harry went inside.

 

Teddy – who had been laid with his head on his paws - looked up and quickly lumbered to his feet; trotting over to nudge his nose into Harry’s crotch.

 

“Easy, Kitty-cat,” Harry laughed breathily.

 

Louis pulled the door up behind him and moved to stroke Felix.

 

“Think your lion's got an obsession with my dick,” Harry joked as Teddy brushed his cheek over his thighs happily.

 

When Harry twisted to look at him, Louis had one brow aloft and his lips parted.

 

“I-um. He-I guess…”

 

Harry smiled bemusedly; fingers running over his cheek to test the roughness of his scars; to feel how much of them were showing.  Oddly, Louis never _looked._ Harry had become an expert in telling when people were studying his skin and Louis never _had._

 

Harry plopped himself on the ground; legs crossed while his big hands fussed Teddy’s face.

 

“Gonna jump through fire tonight, Teddy? What’s your next big trick, huh?”

 

Louis smiled.

 

“I’m training him to pick up objects,” Louis shared. “Starting with dolls and working up to bigger things...”

 

“Is that safe?”

 

“The vet said he needs to use his jaw more; bite into things. I’ve got carts they can pull with their mouths but playing fetch is fun for the crowd. I can hide one of the troupe on stage and have Teddy drag them out...”

 

Harry beamed at him; eyes alight.

 

“You’re so brilliant Louis! You have so many amazing ideas...”

 

Louis clenched his teeth together in silent resentment.

 

“Not good enough to earn me Ring Master,” he muttered.

 

Harry swallowed, reaching out to curl his hand around Louis' ankle in petty comfort.

 

“One day you’ll have your own show,” he promised.

 

Louis looked down at him with a sigh.

 

“Until then, I have you and these two fuzzy idiots...”

 

Harry made a shocked face and petted the animals comfortingly.

 

“Don’t listen to him, guys...”

 

Louis ruffled Harry’s hair as he stepped closer.

 

“I was talking to Felix,” he teased.

 

Harry twisted to clamp his teeth around Louis' thigh in a mock bite and Louis gasped and reared away.

 

“I _knew_ you were part lion! That’s why they like you so much!”

 

Harry grinned at the accusation and Louis looked at him then; at his cheeks and his jaw and into his eyes.

 

“They like me because I'm cool,” Harry huffed.

 

Louis raised a brow and pursed his lips.

 

“Whatever you say, Curly.”

 

//

 

 

A month into travelling life, Harry was ready to show Ricardo the first half of the performance.

 

An hour before he was due to showcase his talents he went for a walk.

 

He strolled by the enclosure to look for Louis.

 

The night before they’d lit a candle and told each other ghost stories until they were both too scared to sleep and then Harry had listened to Louis' voice as he talked about his dreams of starting his own troupe; with only human entertainers.

 

Harry had fallen asleep feeling warm and safe and it wasn’t a feeling he was used to.

 

“Hey, Butterfly!” Louis called; having been hosing down the lion's space. “Big day?”

 

Harry nodded and almost vomited.

 

Louis turned off the hose and came closer, grasping his arm as he peered into his face.

 

“Hey, you’ll be fine. Just let your body do its thing,” he reassured.

 

Harry looked down at him and his fingers twitched to adjust his scarf, but he forced his hand not to move.

 

His body did lots of things when Louis looked at him that way; even more when he _touched_. But Louis was his roommate and his best friend; even if he already had a best friend in Zayn.

 

He couldn’t ruin things by letting his hormones get the better of him. Still, his dick twitched in his jeans and he shifted to cover it.

 

“Do you want to come for a walk?”

 

Louis grabbed a towel and wiped the worst of the mess off himself.

 

“Not everyday that circus royalty invites you for a stroll,” Louis winked.

 

Harry snorted, turning towards the field.

 

“Why royalty?”

 

Louis walked beside him; damp arm brushing Harry’s bare one. It was too warm for a jacket and his t-shirt was simple and clean.

 

“You mean you haven’t noticed?” Louis arched a brow.

 

Harry frowned.

 

“No...?”

 

“The higher up you are in the sky, the more royal you are.”

 

“That’s not true!” Harry sputtered. “Ricardo never leaves the floor and he’s the _King_.”

 

Louis slid him a narrowed eyed look.

 

“Alright, Curly, steady on...”

 

Harry looked at him and let the back of his hand brush Louis’ forearm.

 

“You know what I mean.”

 

Louis took a breath.

 

“Anyway, you have it wrong,” he continued. “Laura is the Queen...gets the best caravan, first serving at meal times, new clothes every week and everyone tripping over themselves to get her things.”

 

“That’s because she’s blonde and pretty,” Harry pointed out.

 

Louis flicked his eyes away.

 

“You think so?”

 

“Fuck, no!” He laughed, startling Louis, then bit his lip for a moment. “I mean. I only like guys,” he added.

 

“Oh,” Louis swallowed. “Thought that maybe…”

 

“She's like a sister,” Harry confirmed.

 

“Same,” Louis added.

 

“Anyway. Your theory is flawed,” Harry argued. “If Laura is Queen then that would make _me_ the King,” Harry murmured.  “And we both know I don’t command _that_ kind of attention...”

 

“Just because you don’t _command_ it, doesn’t mean you don’t _deserve_ it.”

 

Harry felt his heart expand with each beat it took.

 

“ _You_ should be the King,” Harry decided.  “You have the best animals and you’re the crowd's favourite _by far._ ”

 

Louis rolled his eyes and elbowed him in the side.

 

“Am not.”

 

“Are too,” Harry smiled. “Lou, last night they _chanted_ your name before you came on and begged for an encore _after_ the final bow.”

 

Louis’ smile slipped towards self-satisfied.

 

“That’s Felix's fault for showing off,” Louis discredited himself.

 

“It wasn’t Felix they begged to take the stage again,” Harry smiled down at him.

 

He wasn’t sure how old Louis was; maybe nineteen or twenty but Harry was taller than him and he liked that he was.

 

“Fine,” Louis threw his hand up. “We're all Kings and my circus royalty idea is shit.”

 

Harry pressed himself a bit against Louis' arm.

 

“It's not shit,” Harry consoled him gently.

 

“Maybe I just wanted you to _feel_ like a King,” Louis muttered to his feet; hands tucking into his trouser pockets. 

 

Harry wanted to press a kiss against the top of his head in heartfelt thanks for his sweet words. He stopped walking and cleared his throat.

 

“We should turn back now.”

 

Louis looked up at him and nodded his agreement.


	4. Chapter 4

It wasn’t until after his full practice performance that he fell to his knees and puked up his guts into the portable toilet out back.

 

It was Isobel who fussed over him when he exited the temporary toilet, but it was Louis who wrapped a blanket around his shoulders when he sat in front of Ricardo. It was Louis who pulled the edges up to cover his cheeks.

 

“Fantastic!” Ricardo boomed, frightening Harry.

 

“What?” He whispered, dry lips parting.

 

The older man chuckled heartily.

 

“You could go on tomorrow night and you’d earn a standing ovation.”

 

“I still have-“

 

“He’s not ready,” came another voice and Harry flicked his gaze around the troupe. It fell on Zayn.

 

Their gazes locked.

 

“He’s right.” Harry acknowledged.

 

“That’s a matter of time,” Ricardo fluttered his hand. “You’ve got the talent my boy! You’ve got the _je ne sais quoi_ _!_ ”

 

Harry smiled to himself, shaking his head.

 

“I can’t believe it...”

 

He felt a hand smooth over his shoulders and lifted his face; relaxing when Laura smiled at him.

 

“You’ll be perfect, babe.”

 

Harry got up and hugged her; his blanket falling to the floor.

 

Louis moved to pick it up and folded it over his arm.

 

“I couldn’t have done it without you,” he implored.

 

“True,” Laura winked.

 

“Can we do one practice together before you go?” He begged. “Just us, no crowd?”

 

Laura rolled her eyes in mock annoyance.

 

“I _guess_ so...”

 

Harry smiled as Louis pressed the blanket against his back. His fingers snagged the edges and pulled it around himself; snuggling into the warmth.

 

“Thanks, Lou.”

 

“Keep learning!” Ricardo told him as he moved to leave. “The rest of you, it’s time to get ready for tonight!”

 

//

 

Harry had been trusted with the most menial tasks like ushering people to their seats and fetching water for the troupe.

 

He felt alive with the feeling, though. He felt exhilarated. He was becoming part of the team and soon he’d be allowed to do other jobs and be more involved.

 

Louis changed his routine up; setting up a giant assault course for the lions to navigate; collecting their own flags at the end to parade around the arena.

 

Harry watched Louis tug the heavy animals away from the crowd; his tan arms taut with muscle. Louis was tiny, but he was incredibly strong and Harry maybe hadn’t admitted to himself how much he wanted to kiss him.

 

 _Wanting_ was futile.

 

Louis was his teammate, his co-worker and roommate. Wanting him only complicated things; Louis had said as much himself. _Dating within the troupe can get messy._

Maybe Harry just needed some space to put things into perspective. Maybe he needed some fresh air.

 

He snuck out of the camp before anyone could notice him gone.

 

//

_“Come on, rip him up!”_

_“Bite him you bastard!”_

_“Get him!”_

 

Harry trembled at the deafening roar emerging from the barn of the nearby farm; a place he had been coming to for his alone time, away from everybody else. The barn was normally quiet; vacant and unattended. Not tonight.

 

It was lit inside and crammed with baying men; all goading on some kind of fight.

 

A roughly pitched square was marked in the middle of the floor and Harry suspected they were bare knuckle fighting or some equally illegal but lucrative scheme.

 

He trailed around the edge of the room, peeking over at the commotion. He’d pulled on a deerstalker for his walk but the strange thing was; nobody here looked at him oddly.

 

He felt sick when he spotted the fighters. Two gnashing, angry Staffordshire Terriers were charging at each other and whimpering when bitten; fur already marked with cuts and gouges.

 

_Dog fighting. The lowest of the low._

His heart leapt into his throat when the white and tan mottled dog went for the throat of the dark coloured one and he couldn’t help himself when he shoved through the crowds to reach the makeshift pen.

 

“Make it stop!” He lifted his arms; laughed at and spat on among deafening boos of disagreement.

 

“Move out the way, _boy_ ,” one sturdy man warned him. “I’ve got a lot of money riding on this...”

 

Harry shook his head.

 

“Look at them!” He beseeched. “They’re just defenceless animals! How could you do this?”

 

Harry felt the back of his jacket get tugged sharply; his body staggering awkwardly as he was dragged to the ground.

 

“Hey!” He scrabbled for purchase on his attacker only to be trampled under the feet of the men overcrowding the barn.

 

“If you’re clever, you'll shut up,” a voice hissed, the front of his coat twisted into a fist.

 

 _Shit_. It was _Zayn_.

 

“Help me to save them!” Harry begged. “It’s not right! Louis would-“

 

“Don’t fucking pretend to know him,” Zayn thumped Harry against the ground, winding him into a shocked silence. “You don’t know fuck all. You’re a five-minute wonder who’s going to tank and you’ll be kicked out before the end of summer,” Zayn predicted.

 

Harry blinked at him, lips slack.

 

_Kicked out?_

 

He’d thought if the worst happened and he fucked up the show then they would at least let him stay to help out behind the scenes.

 

“Please,” Harry begged again with tears in the eyes. “Help me get the dogs out...”

 

A roof-raising roar went around the room; signalling the fight in the square was over.

 

Human fights broke out at the result; thousands lost and gained in bets. Harry tried to get to his feet, but he was kicked in the kidneys and groin and decided to curl up in self-preservation.

 

When a sudden flush of movement occurred, he gingerly got to his knees; feet thundering around him to get away.

 

The sickening crack of a shotgun going off had him ducking for cover; arms folded over his head.

 

Fingers clasped his hair and yanked it hard.

 

“What you doing here, boy?”

 

Harry guessed he must be the farmer who owned the land.

“The dogs,” he whispered, tear stains on his cheeks. “I came to save them...”

 

The man loosened his grip and Harry carefully got to his feet with a wince and a limp. His eyes immediately shot the centre of the room and the sight there almost had him vomiting again.

 

There was so much blood he had to squeeze his eyes shut and count to three.

 

“Are they dead?” He asked fearfully.

 

He heard the farmer unload his gun as he moved across the barn and Harry hitched back a sob as he trembled; dirtied and bruised by the murderers in the room only moments before.

 

“One is alive.”

 

He sucked in a breath and popped an eye open.

 

The mottled terrier was in bad shape, but he was alive. Harry moved toward him; stripping his jacket with a pained hiss as his body protested to the movement.

 

He went about gently settling the injured animal into the warm material.

 

The farmer looked around his barn helplessly.

 

“I’ll bury this lad,” he promised of the other dog. “I’ll call the police now.”

 

Harry swallowed and cradled the dog against his chest.

 

“Thank you,” he said in earnest.

 

The man cupped his arm and offered him a smile.

 

“Look after him, won’t you, son?”

 

Harry nodded his promise vehemently.

 

//

 

It was twilight by the time Harry had made it back to the camp.

 

He stumbled in the door of the caravan; Louis fast asleep in bed until he thundered in.

 

“Where were you?” Louis lifted his head; hair messy with sleep as he rubbed his eye.

 

“Quick! Help me,” he lifted his arms to showcase his cargo.

 

Louis flicked on the light and crawled out of bed.

 

He was wearing boxer shorts, but the rest of his body was bare. Harry got momentarily distracted into watching him move; thick shapely thighs and beautiful toned stomach. He licked his lips; eyes dropping to his dainty ankles.

 

He flicked his eyes away when Louis pulled on his jumper and headed toward him.

 

“What’s happened? Are you okay?” Louis cupped his arms gently while looking into his eyes.

 

Harry shook his head and swallowed the thickness in his throat; a sob escaping as his eyes watered with distraught tears.

 

“He’s hurt,” he said of the bloodied animal in his arms. “There was a dog fight and-“

 

“Harry,” Louis curled him into his hold a bit. “Are _you_ okay?” he asked softly.

 

“I got pushed over,” he recounted with tears in his eyes. “But I’m just bruised, it’s nothing bad. He’s bleeding,” he added of the dog. “ _Please_.”

 

Louis reluctantly loosened his grip on Harry’s arms and lifted the coat to have a look.

 

“We need to clean him up,” he winced. “I’ll call Jared.”

 

“We can't-“ Harry’s breath hitched. “We can’t afford to get the vet out, can we?” He beseeched.

 

Louis waved his hand.

 

“It comes out of my cut,” he assured. “Go and clean him up in the sink, warm water and some disinfectant, and wrap him in a dry towel and come to the enclosure. We'll hide him in the spare cage,” he decided.

 

Harry nodded and went to turn but sucked in a breath as his ribs twinged.

 

“Harry,” Louis paused him, swallowing.

 

Harry heard the question again even though he didn’t ask it a third time.

 

_Are you sure you’re okay?_

Harry nodded anyway, even though it was only half the truth.

 

//

 

He named the dog Bailey.

 

He was beautiful, beige spotted markings on cream.

 

Jared ducked into the spare cage and started work; stitching the worst cuts and checking over his organs and bones carefully.

 

Louis stood by Harry while he watched; shaking like a leaf; swollen lip caught under his big front teeth.

 

Louis' hand soothed over his back; clasping around his waist when Harry shivered from the cold.

 

He found them blankets and smoothed a gentle hand over his back when Bailey let out a whimper, Harry’s eyes widening at the noise.

 

“You’re very lucky,” Jared finally said, looking over his shoulder at the pair.

 

Harry’s breath hitched.

 

“He’s going to be okay?”

 

Jared smiled.

 

“Just cuts and a few sore joints. It’ll fade with time,” he assured.

 

Harry let out the breath he was holding; knees suddenly feeling weak.

 

“Did you get hurt?” Jared ran his gaze up and down Harry’s dishevelled form.

 

Harry shook his head.

 

“Just bruises.”

 

“Anything you want me to look at?”

 

Harry smirked.

 

“I’m not an animal.”

 

Jared laughed.

 

“No, but my qualification was fifty percent human physiology,” he offered.

 

“I’ll look after him,” Louis said then.

 

Jared nodded and packed up his things.

 

“I’ll be back next week to take the stitches out,” he said. “And don’t worry about the money. I commend you for putting your life at risk to save _his_ ,” he gestured to the now-sleeping dog.

 

Harry went to check on Bailey before they left the cage.

 

“Can he sleep in with us?” He turned to ask Louis.

 

“No,” Louis frowned. “No way. Absolutely not.”

 

Harry pouted and blinked endearingly.

 

“For fuck’s sake,” Louis rolled his eyes with a sigh; slapping his hands down by his thighs.

 

Harry’s face brightened.

 

“Just until he’s better,” he said. “I’ll build him a kennel, I promise.”

 

Louis folded his arms and eyed him up and down.

 

“You? Build things?”

 

Harry nodded with a wide, wispy yawn.

 

“I’m beat.”

 

“Come on, Curly,” Louis walked over and gently scooped up the animal snoozing in Harry’s coat. “And Bailey,” he added with a sigh.

 

Harry beamed and it was only when they were walking back that he realised.

 

His fingers searched for his scarf belatedly; realisation dawning on him that it must have been lost in the melee. He’d spent the whole morning baring his marked face and no one had looked at him weirdly.  Not the farmer who helped him save Bailey, not Jared and not Louis. Not that Louis ever _had._

“I’m going to dip in the shower, quick,” he told Louis and headed for the block.

 

//

 

Harry was curled up in the bottom bunk.

 

Louis had settled Bailey carefully in the top corner of the bed by Harry’s head before he’d taken a seat on the worn out sofa.

 

There was no way in hell he was climbing in the top bed and he had to go run the lions in an hour.

 

He just wanted to check Harry was okay and that he didn’t have any internal bleeding or major organ failures to tend to.

 

He looked so achingly young in the checked pyjamas he’d returned in; his movements stiff and accompanied by a grimace.

 

Louis had to force himself not to help him to his bunk; had to make use of his hands that wanted to check Harry over.

 

He’d asked him what hurt but Harry had lied and said he was fine.

 

Louis had no choice but to carry on as though everything really _was_ fine.

 

Teddy had just run up the field when he turned and raced back down, so Louis checked behind him instinctively for a lost deer or rabbit but he didn’t expect to find Harry there; awake already.

 

He'd looped his scarf back around himself and Louis was pleased to see he’d pulled on a coat. _Louis'_ coat in fact.

 

“Hope you don’t mind,” Harry said when he noticed Louis staring at the clothing.

 

Louis had more pressing matters at hand.

 

“Teddy!” He called. “Slow down! I said-“

 

Harry’s eyes widened as he clocked the scene; the four-hundred-pound animal thundering down the grass to greet him in their usual boyish wrestle.

 

“Shit,” he whispered; limping closer to Louis.

 

Louis stuck his arm out to protect him, hand brushing his arm. Harry’s hairs stood on end as he huddled into the smaller man

 

“Stop,” Louis held up a hand.

 

Teddy roared and didn’t stop, but he definitely slowed down.

 

“Easy!” Louis instructed, gently guiding his arm down to signal his motion.

 

Teddy stopped about a foot before him, eyeing Louis and then looking at Harry in confusion.

 

“It's ok, buddy,” Harry called from Louis' shoulder where he hid.

 

Teddy walked up to Louis and smooshed his cheek into Louis' belly.

 

“Hey, kitty,” Louis rasped warmly, tangling his fingers into his mane. “Go gently on our beautiful boy today, please,” he murmured.

 

Harry swallowed, peering at him but quickly darting his gaze away when Felix brushed by his thigh.

 

Louis was _obviously_ talking about the other lion.

 

“He got hurt by some filthy cretins and he can’t play today...”

 

_Or maybe not._

Harry stared at him.

 

“Why did you call me that?”

 

He needed to know because his chest hurt and everything else went numb. Fifteen years of derogatory nicknames meant he didn’t trust anyone when it came to his face.

 

Louis grasped Harry’s hand; pushing it into Teddy’s mane, but stayed between them as a barrier.

 

“No,” Louis said when Teddy went to rear up. “Ah!” He tutted at Felix who swished his tail impatiently.

 

Harry kept looking at the side of his face until he sighed.

 

“Slipped out. Won’t happen again Curly, I promise.”

 

Harry didn’t have the courage to tell him he'd liked it. If he’d _meant_ it of course.

 

“I’m not beautiful,” he stated.

 

Louis' lips twisted in a way that had Harry entranced.

 

“Well, you are. But you don’t know it. So...”

 

It was mumbled; quiet and breathy; sort of weak. But Harry wanted to roll the words up against his heart and tie them in place.

 

“You should be sleeping anyway,” Louis chided when Harry just stared at him.

 

And he _should_.

 

But there was one thought that Harry couldn’t get out of his mind; one image which was stuck there.

 

_If you’re clever you won’t say anything._

Zayn was involved in the mistreatment of innocent animals and he didn’t know what would happen now when he saw him.

 

Would he lie? Would he implicate Harry in revenge?

 

“Where’s Bailey?” Louis asked then, clipping the leads onto his animals to take them down the hill.

 

“He’s still asleep. We found some cat litter and a box. Niall said he’d drive me into town to get the essentials. I promised to pay him back.”

 

Louis glanced at him.

 

“I can drive too, you know...”

 

“You’ve already done so much,” Harry pointed out.

 

Louis shrugged.

 

“He’s technically half mine since we share a room.”

 

Harry smirked.

 

“I can find him a nice family but he needs to get better first.”

 

“Pretty sure we can fit a little mutt into our menagerie...”

 

Harry felt a warmth spread over him and he did the only thing that seemed appropriate in the moment; he hugged Louis from behind and pressed his cheek against his strong shoulder.

 

“Thank you.”

 

Louis huffed bemusedly as he let himself be hugged.

 

“You’re welcome, Curly,” he murmured when Harry clung to him for a bit longer.


	5. Chapter 5

“Oi, oi, look who it is...”

 

Harry startled at the deep, throaty voice; twisting to find the owner.

 

Zayn was leaned on a trunk beneath the trees in the dark; smoking with a group of guys.

 

Harry hunched his shoulders; hands sliding into his pockets. He went to move on past them. He often came for walk after dark and he’d left Louis snoring with Bailey curled in his arms.

 

“Hey, Harry. Come and have a chat,” Zayn called softly.

 

Harry sighed, peering over his shoulder.

 

“I’ll catch you another time,” he murmured.

 

The crunching of leaves under feet signalled movement and Harry turned instinctively; three or four bigger men hovering around him while Zayn walked up slowly.

 

He lifted his chin, hands fisting by his sides. He knew how to fight but he never _wanted_ to.

 

“Maybe coz you’re a newbie you don’t know the rules,” Zayn said, inhaling from his roll up.

 

Harry watched him blow out the smoke.

 

“Maybe I don’t care much about rules,” he offered wryly.

 

Zayn blinked coolly and stepped closer.

 

“Gonna go running back to Louis?” He needled. “He’ll side with me you know. We’ve been friends for _years._ ”

 

Harry shrugged.

 

“I don’t need Louis to fight my battles.”

 

Zayn smirked, eyes lighting with amusement.

 

“Big talk.”

 

Harry swallowed.

 

“I just wanted to stop an animal from dying,” he narrowed his eyes; glancing at the bigger men to ascertain of he could outrun them should the need arise.

 

“You could have lost us a lot of money,” Zayn tilted his head to the side. “ _A lot_ of money.”

 

Harry sucked in air and willed his heartbeat to regulate. It was thudding so wildly in his chest he could barely hear.

 

“Well I didn't, did I?” He smarted.

 

Zayn threw down his spent cigarette and came close. Harry rooted himself to the ground. He had a few inches on the Asian man and it felt like victory in some tiny sense.

 

“Just remember where you are, _Butterfly_ ,” he drawled the nickname derisively. “Hate to see you get more scars on that pretty face of yours...”

 

Harry swallowed down the emotion in his throat and turned to hasten away; smug laughter echoing behind him.

 

//

 

“You coming?”

 

Louis strapped his braces over his shoulders and paused by the door.

 

Harry, curled in his bed with his scarf-hood on under his hoodie shook his head quickly; arms folded against his chest.

 

Louis frowned, biting into his lip as his fingertips slid over the smooth elastic of his brace; adjusting it on his shoulder.

 

“You sure you’re alright?” He asked again.

 

It had been three days since Harry’s run-in with Zayn and his practices were going to shit. Laura couldn’t understand what was wrong and Harry knew it was only a matter of time before Ricardo got involved.

 

“I’m fine.”

 

“Are you still hurt?” Louis checked.

 

Harry shook his head again and turned over to face away from him.

 

“The boys miss you,” Louis said last, quietly.

 

“I’ll see them soon,” he promised without committing himself as to when that might be.

 

“Alright,” he heard Louis swallow. “See you when I get back.”

 

//

 

Isobel was stitching new costumes when Harry went to sit with her.

 

She lifted up a white suit that she was adding sequins onto.

 

“Just in time to see your outfit, doll...”

 

Harry gave her a long look. He wondered if she realised how she feminised him with the nickname.

 

“White?” He sat beside her.

 

She smiled.

 

“Laura’s is pale peach for her sun nymph. You’re up in the rafters and you need to stand out.”

 

Harry arched a brow.

 

“Think all the wrong things'll stand out,” he mused.

 

Isobel laughed.

 

“We have protective underwear for that,” she winked. “We’ll get yours on order.”

 

Harry gulped.

 

“I feel like I’m still a million miles away from being ready.”

 

She reached out to pat his knee.

 

“No rush, bairn.”

 

He peeked at her with a grin.

 

“I’m not a baby.”

 

“When’s your next birthday?” She asked.

 

“Next month,” he shared. “Eighteen,” he added.

 

She rolled her eyes.

 

“Good luck trying to get out of _that_!” She mused of the troupe.

 

He licked his lips; hands settling palm together between his thighs.

 

“It's nice,” he mumbled. “I haven’t exactly _had_ this before...”

 

“Birthdays?” She queried.

 

He smiled.

 

“No, I’ve had _those_ ,” he assured. “I mean like...people who _want_ to do stuff with me. People who care.”

 

“That’s why we keep going, love,” she told him. “We take in runaways and immigrants and people that others might look down on, but here, we're a unit. A family.”

 

Harry nodded.

 

“I like it.”

 

Isobel eyed him curiously.

 

“Why does it sound like you’re leaving, then?”

 

Harry darted his eyes to hers.

 

“I didn't-“

 

“I know,” she cut over him with a smile. “But I hear things. I _know_ ,” she added tellingly.

 

Had Louis mentioned his withdrawal? Had Laura told her about his sudden lack of skill? Had Zayn said something about him; bad mouthed him or-

 

“Honey, you don’t need to fret,” she soothed. “I just have a mother’s instinct. I know when something isn’t right...”

 

“I’ve been messing up,” Harry murmured after taking a breath for courage.

 

“Ah.”

 

“And I think Laura probably wants to kick my ass but she’s too nice to _actually_ do it.”

 

“We’ve all had those days, Harry,” she shared. “Or weeks,” she added.

 

Harry rested his elbows on his knees and flicked his hair over his eyes a bit.

 

“I just- I owe you so much. All of you. And I can’t even get the one thing right that’s supposed to be perfect. I mean...I don’t have anywhere else to go. If I fuck this up then…”

 

Isobel put her stitching to one side and reached for him; tugging him into a hug.

 

“You are all my children,” she promised. “I would never kick any of you out. If you can’t fly then you can make breakfast,” she teased.

 

Harry smiled against her chest, curling himself into her hold. Isobel tightened her arms protectively.

 

“Why don’t you visit the lions,” she commented as Harry pulled away moments later. “That will cheer you up...”

 

As Harry got up; he twisted to observe her for a moment; a smug little smile tucked into her lips. He pursed his own and headed for the enclosure.

 

//

 

Teddy refused to get up.

 

While Harry knelt and fussed over Felix; the older lion remained laid on his side; steadfastly refusing to look over or join in the reunion.

 

“Oh come _on_ ,” Harry huffed. “I wasn’t gone _that_ long. “

 

Teddy lifted his head. Harry smiled at him hopefully.

 

The animal rolled up onto his feet slowly; making a show of it and yawning once he was upright.

 

“Oh, sorry to inconvenience you,” he teased. “Has his Majesty decided to join us?”

 

Felix circled away when Teddy approached, perhaps sensing the two of them needed a moment alone. Teddy stood before a kneeling Harry, amber eyes wise and assessing. Harry rolled his eyes with a huff; lifting his hands and placing them palm down on his thighs.

 

“I know, alright?” He murmured. “I’m a dick.”

 

Teddy moved forward slightly and Harry frowned, tilting his head to the side to avoid being smothered by his mane. The lion tucked his head over his shoulder and something clicked into place. Harry let out a shaky breath and slid his arms around Teddy’s neck; fingering his fur until he relaxed into it; leaning against his steady weight.

 

He felt Teddy nudge into him a bit more; a deep purr rolling around his chest.

 

“I missed you too, big guy...”

 

If animals could speak Harry imagined him asking all the questions a mother might. _Have you been eating? Has anyone hurt you? Are you okay?_

 

Harry clung onto him and promised quietly not to disappear again.

 

The cage door opened and they broke apart; Teddy scampering away while Harry stood up.

 

“Oh. It’s you.” Louis swallowed.

 

Harry didn’t know what to say back so Louis broke the silence.

 

“Thought maybe someone was trying to win over Teddy’s affections but it’s just you and we both know he’s already head over heels for your curls. Not _that_ much of a surprise considering most of the girls who ride the horses keep giggling about how cute you are and asking me questions...”

 

Harry cleared his throat.

 

“Hi.”

 

Louis took a breath and Harry noticed it hitch in his chest. Louis ducked his chin to hide his toothy smile.

 

“Fuck off.”

 

Harry grinned.

 

“Is that a pretend fuck off or a real one because someone told me that you don’t get to leave the circus? Bound for life...”

 

Louis lifted his chin, eyes meeting Harry’s in a charged moment.

 

“Is everything ok?”

 

Harry nodded. A tiny lie.

 

Louis sucked in a breath and brushed his palms together.

 

“Right, well since you’re here, you can help me take them for their run. “

 

“I need a run too.” The corners of Harry’s lips hitched up.

 

“I guess I’m outnumbered,” Louis decided.

 

Harry smiled.

 

Maybe everything would be okay after all.

 

//

 

“Bravo!”

 

“Good job, Harry!”

 

Harry stood on the ledge; trapeze swing in his hand; eyes blinking at the figures several feet below.

 

 _Fuck_.

 

When he'd got into it, he'd stopped worrying about how good he was and whether it was perfect and he’d just listened to his heart.

 

Luckily, it seemed to have worked.

 

He’d performed his rehearsal in black leggings and a soft cream wraparound top that Laura had lent him. His shoulders were wider than hers and he suspected she knew she wouldn’t get it back.

 

He jumped to the ground a few rungs from the bottom; tethering his sweaty hair with the scarf he’d usually use to hide his face.

 

He no longer did that at practice. The people there knew him. He didn’t need to hide.

 

Laura rushed toward him and sprung him with a hug.

 

“Babe! You were brilliant!”

 

He smiled shyly and cowered away from the crowd of well-wishers.

 

Ricardo squeezed him tightly in his arms.

 

“Beautiful!” He impassioned.  “You are ready!”

 

Harry gulped at that, but he didn’t feel the burning fear he had when he’d first got there.  Now he knew he could do what he needed to do.

 

“Well done, doll,” Isobel kissed his cheek.

 

When the most of them cleared away, he was left with the view of two lions and a lion tamer.

 

“They insisted on coming,” Louis stated. “I couldn’t persuade them otherwise...”

 

Harry walked and walked until he had Louis wrapped tightly in his arms; eyes squeezed shut to stop himself from crying. He wouldn’t be there if it wasn’t for Louis and he was almost _afraid_ of losing him.

 

Zayn had already made it clear he could take Louis away with just the promise of their loyalty to each other and he hated the thought of it; of not having him _there._

“Er,” Louis slid his arms around Harry’s back. “Everything alright, Curly one?”

 

Harry pulled back with a beam and a nod; his wet hair bouncing. He leaned down to stroke Teddy and Felix as he caught his breath, still.

 

“Right! Packing up and moving out tomorrow, folks,” Ricardo called to the group. “Let's make tonight a good one!”

 

Harry stared at Louis and wondered if he’d sneak out after last lights.

 

Louis pursed his lips.

 

“What’re you thinking, beautiful?”

 

Harry's lashes flickered at the compliment but he didn’t reject it this time.

 

“Something,” he whispered, blushing at his ineloquence.  “After dark.”

 

Louis’ lips pulled into a perfectly crooked smirk.

 

“I’m in,” he promised.

 

//

 

Harry walked along with Bailey carried protectively in his arms.

 

Bailey’s tongue flicked out to lick at his chin in affection and Harry grinned; pursing his lips to kiss him back.

 

“Love you too, buddy.”

 

Louis smirked at the pair of them.

 

“Don’t let Teddy see you,” he warned.

 

Harry grinned.

 

“When Bailey’s healed maybe we can introduce them.”

 

Louis nodded.

 

“They’re pretty good with other animals.”

 

Harry looked over at him, letting his eyes trail over Louis’ smaller form. He looked different in jeans that hugged his legs and converse boots laced up to where his jeans were rolled at the ankles- too long for his short legs. He had on a brown leather jacket with sheepskin lining and a simple black t-shirt under it; his thick hair softly styled. Harry felt a fluttering start in his tummy and it wasn’t just from being out.

 

“You look after them so well,” he praised.

 

Louis gave him a bemused smile like it was obvious.

 

“You’re the only new hire who hasn’t been afraid, you know.”

 

Harry hitched Bailey in his arms a bit.

 

“Oh?”

 

“Yeah…most of the troupe don’t hang around because they think the boys’ll try to eat them,” Louis smiled.

 

Harry blinked.

 

“I probably shouldn’t have let myself into their cage, should I?”

 

Louis walked close by him so that their arms brushed.

 

“You looked pretty cute,” he allowed.

 

Harry ducked his face away; tucking his chin into his swirled scarf. He hadn’t pulled it up over his face tonight; but pooled it around his neck for comfort. He didn’t have to hide himself from Louis anymore, but it didn’t mean he didn’t _want_ to.

 

“It’s weird,” Harry said and then swallowed. “Hearing people say stuff like that…”

 

Louis’ brows lifted as he looked to his scuffed sneaker toes.

 

“People?” He questioned nonchalantly.

 

“I mean like... _you_ ,” he managed quietly, sneaking a glance across at Louis.

 

Louis lifted his chin to catch his gaze.

 

“ _Just_ me?” Louis wondered with a furrow above his brow that Harry wanted to smooth his thumb across.

 

Harry licked his lips.

 

“Yeah. Just you.”

 

Louis bit his lip, turning his face back towards Harry.

 

“Did you have a boyfriend?” He asked. “Before you ran away?”

 

Harry shook his head; pressing his chin gently against the top of Bailey’s head.

 

“Have you ever-?”

 

“Kissed a guy?” Harry cut over him with a rueful twist of his lips. “Yeah. And you know…maybe more than that.”

 

Harry’s memories flashed in front of his eyes of being entwined with a kid from school up against a tree; his first kiss turning heated as they rutted against each other; grabbing fistfuls of hair and clothed skin in innocent debauchery.

 

He’d come in the other boy’s hand and as he’d gotten older, he’d learned from older guys how to finger himself which he did secretly in his room at the orphanage but he hadn’t gone all the way, yet.

 

He glanced at Louis.

 

“What about you? Any great circus romances?”

 

Louis spluttered out a laugh.

 

“Let’s just get to where we’re going, eh, Curly?” He diverted the question smoothly.

 

“ _Where_ are we going?” Harry asked.

 

Louis smiled smugly as the route he’d taken them on sloped upward in the dark.

 

“Well, you like being up high, don’t you?” He reasoned. “And since most places don’t allow pets I thought I’d show you this little place up here instead…”

 

Harry shifted his eyes across.

 

“Is it safe?”

 

Louis chuckled and laid a hand against Harry’s coated back to assure him.

 

“You’ll be fine with me,” he promised.


	6. Chapter 6

_The Side Of The Mountain_ was a quaint, tiny bar situated up the steep hill they’d just climbed; a very limited menu of nachos and cheesy chips on offer.

 

They shared the messy, hot, salty food and gave Bailey some water and dog biscuits that the owner produced.

 

“It’s dark but we can see across the valley when we walk down,” Louis suggested.

 

Harry smiled at him; lashes brushing his cheeks shyly as he licked the froth of his beer from the top of his lip.

 

“Is that a chat-up line?” He teased.

 

Louis let out a loud quack of laughter and covered his mouth with his hand as Harry giggled.

 

“Never needed them,” Louis told him honestly with a quirk of his lips.

 

“Oh,” Harry sat back, brows lifting. “Cocky.”

 

Louis’ gaze slid to his lap and he tilted his head. Harry felt his face burn at the suggestion.

 

“Not really,” Louis answered; and Harry didn’t know if he meant the size of his dick or his ego. “Just…people either like me or they don’t. I’m not big on faking it to win someone over.”

 

Harry bit his lip; heart racing. Louis looked different away from the circus; away from his animals. He looked handsome and rugged and so very, very real.

 

He unwound his scarf a bit and let the long ends pool in his lap where he fiddled with them. He glanced side to side to see who was watching them but there were barely any customers. It was more like being sat in someone’s cabin living room than an actual bar.

 

Bailey whined at Louis’ ankle until he picked him up and settled him in his lap for stroking and it all felt so domestic, somehow. Like they weren’t really two young men touring the country with a performing show at all. Almost like Harry imagined _boyfriends_ might be; comfortable and together softly; just like this.

 

Louis’ fingertips traced over Bailey’s scars gently; checking they were all healing nicely; fingers soothing him as the dog beseeched him with wide eyes; watching him for signs of mistreatment.

 

Harry watched them both with wistfulness threading through his heart; wishing that nobody had to have the difficult life that Bailey had had. That _he_ had had; if he shared his story. Which he didn’t.

 

His fingertips found his own ugly, dimpled skin and traced over the dips and mounds thoughtfully as he watched Louis and he didn’t realise at first that Louis was watching him.

 

He’d picked his favourite blue jeans and a tight, heather pink mohair jumper to wear tonight; fluffy and warm and just a little bit feminine. His hair was still growing out; curling into his neck and flopping over his forehead and he flicked it back a bit. That’s when he’d noticed Louis looking.

 

He’d watched his intense blue gaze flick over his thin legs; into his lap and onto his lean, muscular upper body. He’d lingered in the hollow of his throat and on the curve of his neck; roaming in his hair before falling on his face; lips first, for long, long moments until Harry licked them and then Louis’ gaze met his; striking him dumb for a moment.

 

“What are you thinking about?” Louis asked.

 

Harry let the corner of his mouth quirk upwards.

 

“About how you’d make a great showman,” he broached; meeting Louis’ gaze hesitantly while his tongue slipped over his bottom lip firmly.

 

Louis pursed his lips, lashes hitting his cheeks.

 

“Well, Ricardo doesn’t agree with you and he runs the show, so…”

 

“So?” Harry challenged with a hoarse voice. “Don’t let him decide your future. If you want to be a Ring Master then I’ll help you, if you want.”

 

Louis surveyed him with a bemused smile.

 

“ _You’ll_ help me?” He teased.

 

Harry couldn’t help his bashful grin.

 

“Yeah, what’s wrong with that?”

 

“Mr. I-joined-the-circus-yesterday?” Louis mused.

 

Harry chuckled dryly.

 

“I’m good at these things, okay?”

 

Louis arched a brow in disbelief, but checked the time, eyes falling back on Harry.

 

“It’s getting late,” Louis said.

 

Harry’s eyes dipped to his mouth.

 

“Oh,” he frowned a bit, fidgeting in his seat. “Yeah, of course…”

 

Louis gently dislodged Bailey on his lap.

 

“Come on, pup,” he murmured. “Time to go home.”

 

Harry slung on his coat and wound his scarf back around his neck, holding Bailey’s lead while Louis put on his own jacket. Bailey shook himself out and pulled at the lead eagerly.

 

“You want to walk back?” Harry asked the animal.

 

Bailey stuck his tongue out and wagged his tail.

 

“Alright, but I’m carrying you when you get tired,” Harry warned.

 

“That'd be great, thanks,” Louis joked with a wink as he waited for them to leave.

 

Harry tucked a smile into the corners of his mouth.

 

//

 

“It really is beautiful,” Harry walked on the open edge side of the path leading down the side of the hill; olive eyes drinking in all the darkened, lush views from below.

 

Bailey trundled slowly beside his left knee and he felt Louis’ hand brush his right one.

 

“Wanted to take you somewhere nice,” Louis sniffed.

 

Harry nudged his hand enough for Louis to take the hint if he wanted to. His heart got caught in his chest; stopping and double-beating in panic. It wasn’t overt enough to feel rejected if Louis _didn’t_ take the hint, but his ego might be bruised.

 

He stared into the pit of trees while he waited for him to decide.

 

“Cold hands?” Louis’ fingers threaded through his; his words rasped.

 

Harry tucked his cheek into his scarf as he peeked at him. He nodded. Another small lie. His hands were warm; Louis would have noticed how warm since he’d settled his own palm against Harry’s snugly and curled his fingers right around his hand.

 

“Me, too,” Louis tried to hide his smile by pursing his lips, but it only caused his eyes to crinkle at the edges.

 

Harry hid his own smile in the swirls of his scarf.

 

//

 

“Where have you two been?” Liam hissed as they wandered the last few feet across the darkened lawn of the park; confused gazes drawn to the man.

 

“Liam, it’s 3am, why are you up?” Louis asked concernedly.

 

“Emergency troupe meeting,” he whispered. “Everyone’s gathering in the hub.”

 

Louis sucked in a breath and glanced at Harry.

 

They’d stopped holding hands when Harry had bent over to lift a tired Bailey into his arms, but they’d walked back in amiable silence.

 

“What's this about?” Harry asked as they hurried towards the hub.

 

“No idea,” Louis murmured. “But it’s not about us disappearing,” he promised. “Last time it was to announce a death in the family…”

 

Harry swallowed down his fear and cradled Bailey against his chest; sliding into a seat beside Louis while Ricardo called for quiet.

 

“Family,” he greeted. “It brings me no joy to say what I have to say tonight…”

 

The players glanced around at each other, all confused as to what the notice might be.

 

“We have a thief in our midst.” Ricardo announced firmly.

 

Several gasps sounded.

 

“My beautiful wife Isobel has lost her engagement ring; three diamonds on a gold band…”

 

Some of the group nodded and hummed along; recognising the description.

 

“It has been missing for two days but we hoped it would be found among the troupe. Tonight, we had an anonymous tip that it is fact one of our own family who has taken it and has it in their possession…”

 

Harry stroked Bailey's head as the dog stretched to lick over his cheek. He felt his heart patter wildly as he flicked his gaze to each person in turn; just like everyone else was doing. _Who was the culprit? Who would go against the fierce loyalty of the group just for the quick money such a ring would fetch?_

 

He looked at Louis and his lips were pressed into a thin line.

 

“We start searching now,” Ricardo added. “We go from caravan to caravan until it is found.”

 

Harry frowned; leaning towards Louis.

 

“Wouldn’t they have sold it already?” He whispered. “Whoever’s taken it?”

 

Louis shrugged.

 

“I guess not…”

 

Harry stood with Bailey in his arms and moved to follow the search party which was made up of Ricardo and Isobel; but Louis pulled him gently back by the sleeve of his coat.

 

“Let them look,” he suggested.

 

Harry sat down with a swallow; skin prickling like he was being watched. He looked around, but nobody was there. He let out a breath and kissed Bailey’s soft fur in comfort.

 

//

 

The furore that surrounded the find of the ring was loud and impassioned; Ricardo’s angry voice was yelling accusatory remarks as he strode across the lawn to the hub while Isobel begged him softly to calm down.

 

Harry hadn’t really understood what was going on until Ricardo was in front of him.

 

“You!” He roared.

 

Harry blinked.

 

Ricardo pushed his hand into his face; the engagement ring gripped between thumb and finger.

 

“What about me?” He frowned.

 

“It was in _your_ things!”

 

Harry opened his mouth.

 

“How?” He beseeched, standing up. “I-I haven’t even-“

 

He stared at Isobel.

 

“I promise,” he begged.

 

Isobel tugged on Ricardo’s arm.

 

“Honey, I know it wasn’t him,” she murmured.

 

“ _How_ do you know?” Ricardo twisted to challenge her. “Do you think that it was Louis? Who has been with us for four years and never stolen a thing? Don’t forget how we found the boy skulking around the shadows with nothing to his name but the clothes on his back…”

 

“I wasn’t _stealing_ ,” Harry’s eyes darkened, brows furrowing. “Why would I?”

 

“Weren’t you sitting with Isobel when she was sewing?” Piped up a smooth voice.

 

Harry squinted into the crowd until he settled his gaze on a dark pair of eyes, one eyebrow lifting in silent challenge. _Zayn_.

 

“Yeah, and?” He shrugged.

 

“She only takes off her ring when she is sewing,” Ricardo shared.

 

Harry swallowed; his tummy turning.

 

“I wouldn’t do that,” he stated. “I wouldn’t steal from you. _Any_ of you,” he added while looking Ricardo straight in the eye.

 

“He’s got nothing to gain,” Laura stepped into the circle surrounding Harry; moving to stand beside him and clasp his hand. He’d tucked Bailey into one elbow carefully.

 

“What about the dog,” Zayn pointed at the creature. “Something’s gotta pay for all his vet bills and new stuff…”

 

Several troupe members turned to scrutinise Harry with their eyes. He tensed under the attention; staring each person down.

 

“The vet helped for free,” Harry defended. “I didn’t need to buy much and—my friends helped, okay?”

 

“I helped,” Louis inserted; drawing the troupe’s attention to him momentarily.

 

Zayn folded his arms; gaze duelling with Louis’ as the pair stared at each other.

 

“Nothing went missing before he came,” another voice added; a guy Harry hadn’t ever spoken to.

 

Harry's chest burned in humiliation; lungs slewing breaths in and out as his eyes began to prick with tears.

 

“Doesn’t _anyone_ believe me?” He beseeched.

 

“I do,” Laura tugged on his hand.

 

“I do,” Isobel moved to rub his back.

 

Harry licked the salt water of his tears off his upper lip; eyes veering back towards Louis, blood shot and pink around the edges.

 

“I do,” Louis added quietly, flicking his gaze away from Zayn.

 

Ricardo turned to Louis.

 

“Did you see him hiding anything?”

 

Louis shook his head, but Harry wasn’t convinced by his denial. He wasn’t certain the troupe would be either. He stared at Ricardo as the older man sucked in a breath; studying him intently for signs of guilt.

 

“Well, the ring is safe,” Ricardo supposed. “And Isobel herself doesn’t believe that the youngster took it…”

 

A collective sigh of relief sounded out among a few disgruntled mumbles.

 

Ricardo strode over to where Harry stood; protected by the two women.

 

“You will not get a second chance,” he told him quietly, with steel in his voice.

 

Harry nodded his understanding, biting his quivering lower lip.

 

“C-can you take care of my dog?” He asked Laura quietly.

 

Laura nodded and took Bailey from him.

 

“Harry, where are you going?” She asked as he surged away from her and Isobel; storming into the dark.

 

“Anywhere,” he bit out. “Anywhere but _here_.”

 

//

 

Louis watched Harry stride away from the thrall; a shadow falling by his side as he started after him.

 

“Thought I warned you about that one.”

 

Zayn’s voice was the same measured tone as when he’d made the accusation against Harry.

 

Louis flicked his gaze away from Harry's retreating figure distractedly.

 

“You don’t know that he took it,” Louis murmured. 

 

Zayn arched his brow.

 

“We don’t want his type here,” Zayn sneered. “Me and you used to be tight, bro.”

 

Louis tilted his head.

 

“You’ve got your crew, Zee,” he pointed out. “I don’t see you knocking down my door to hang out...”

 

“You’re always with the lions,” Zayn rebuffed.

 

Louis considered him. The lions didn’t react well to Zayn; pacing back and forth with grumbling growls and baring their teeth whenever he'd tried to bond with them.

 

He began to wonder if that was more to do with Zayn than his animals since they bonded with Harry in minutes. Maybe they could sense pure souls.

 

“I’m sorry that you feel neglected,” Louis sighed. “But you’re welcome to hang out with us. Just don’t turn against _him_ because you think _I’m_ being a shitty friend,” he asked.

 

“That’s not why I'm against him,” Zayn only said before he turned away; leaving Louis wondering what else could possibly be causing friction.

 

//

 

Harry found a safe place to sleep.

 

It was dry and sort of warm because others were huddled up together there; sharing the last heat from a burned out fire.

 

They didn’t ask him who he was, where he came from or what he was doing there. They just looked at him while he sat down and made himself comfortable and then one kind man passed him half a paper cup of re-warmed coffee and he felt himself well up again; sniffling into his dirty hands.

 

When he curled up to sleep he half thought he’d wake up with his clothes stolen but the sunlight only brought the harsh reality of another day.

 

_//_


	7. Chapter 7

 

Bailey had become a sniffer dog.

 

Louis hadn’t intended to let him walk around the town, but he’d picked up a scent and was tracking it meticulously.

 

Louis only hoped it was _Harry’s_ scent and not some other character from Bailey’s past.

 

They were packing up to move on tomorrow and it was Louis' job to come back with Harry before they left town. He had to be back in time for the final show but he was determined to have Harry with him when he walked back on circus soil.

 

_Fuck._

The look on Harry’s face when he’d been accused of stealing had physically hurt. Louis didn’t care what Zayn thought, Harry meant too much to risk losing him.

 

His chest ached in memory of how they'd been holding hands right before they got back. Right before everything had changed.

 

Bailey stopped dead and woofed deeply.

 

_Harry?_

It looked like him; thick curly hair and a navy layered scarf...wrapped in a thick coat with no boots on his socked feet and a guitar in his hands.

 

Louis paused while Bailey set off into frenzied barks; pulling on the lead.

 

“Shh,” Louis picked him up to soothe him; ears straining to hear the chords of the guitar.

 

 _#I'm not a stranger to the dark_ _Hide away, they say_ _'Cause we don't want your broken parts_ _I've learned to be ashamed of all my scars_ _Run away, they say_ _No one will love you as you are_ _But I won't let them break me down to dust_ _I know that there's a place for us_ _For we are glorious_ _When the sharpest words wanna cut me down_ _I'm gonna send a flood, gonna drown them out_ _I am brave, I am bruised_ _I am who I'm meant to be, this is me_ _Look out 'cause here I come_ _And I'm marching on to the beat I drum_ _I'm not scared to be seen_ _I make no apologies, this is me_ _Another round of bullets hits my skin_ _Well, fire away 'cause today, I won't let the shame sink in_ _We are bursting through the barricades_ _And reach above the sun (we are warriors)_ _Yeah, that's what we'll become_ _Won't let them break me down to dust_ _I know that there's a place for us_ _For we are glorious_ _When the sharpest words wanna cut me down_ _Gonna send a flood, gonna drown them out_ _I am brave, I am bruised_ _I am who I'm meant to be, this is me_ _Look out 'cause here I come_ _And I'm marching on to the beat I drum_ _I'm not scared to be seen_ _I make no apologies, this is me_ _...This is me#_  


 

The song was beautiful. The way Harry sang it gave away his emotion on the subject; voice husking over the painful words. He wanted to show Harry that he had a place to belong, now. He wanted to show him that his courage _counted_.

 

Louis took a fortifying breath.  It was now or never.

 

He walked over and slipped a ten-pound note into the peaked cap which had been turned upside down to collect donations; set between Harry’s shoeless feet.

 

“Tha-“ Harry looked up, mid appreciation. His lashes swooped down and he swallowed; shoulders curling into his body a bit defensively.

 

“Didn’t know you could sing,” Louis said; heart tripping over in his chest in a mix of excitement at seeing him; relief that he was safe and trepidation as to whether he'd come home.

 

Bailey barked happily and strained against Louis' hold on him.

 

Harry got to his feet to take him. Louis handed him over; the wriggling, whining ball of excitement.

 

Harry hugged the animal with a huff.

 

“You know I couldn’t bring you out here...you've had too much of life on the street already...”

 

“He wouldn’t settle without you,” Louis ventured.

 

“Thank you for bringing him,” Harry said, olive eyes cool and unfocused.

 

“Where did you get that?” Louis lifted his chin to the guitar Harry had been strumming.

 

“Some people I met,” Harry evaded the question artfully.

 

“We all want you to come home,” Louis stated boldly.

 

His words gained Harry’s attention; his hazy eyes focusing on him.

 

“All of you?” He arched a brow pointedly.

 

Louis swallowed.

 

“Well. A large percentage,” he adjusted slightly.

 

Harry smirked.

 

“I wouldn’t want to come between you and your best friend,” He muttered.

 

Louis stared at him; heart thudding in his chest. If he had to make a choice right now as to what kind of man he wanted to be then he was going to try his best to pick the right words.

 

“He’s not a very good friend if he doesn’t understand that I’m going to stand up for _anyone_ I know is innocent,” Louis commented. “And anyway…what _I_ think is more important. And I think you’re beautiful, okay?”

 

Harry froze; Bailey still in his arms.

 

His eyes clung to Louis' face. It wasn’t in the remotest way _okay._ Nobody called him beautiful; not the guardians at the orphanage, not the guys he'd fumbled around with and especially not anyone at the circus.

 

But he couldn’t explain why something burst in his chest at the heartfelt compliment; trickling into his tummy and setting off butterflies under his ribs.

 

He huffed out a breath as he dipped his chin.

 

“If that’s your way of convincing me to come back then... it might be working.”

 

Louis let out a relieved breath.

 

“Yeah?” He feigned lightness in the heavy air.

 

Harry smiled a bit, pressing his lips to the top of Bailey's head almost in parody of how he’d like to press them against Louis' lips. Maybe one day he _would._

“Yeah,” he whispered.

 

Louis watched him for a moment, hesitating from moving toward him. Harry looked up.

 

Louis walked up and hugged him around his body; dog included.

 

“Let's get you back home then, Curly,” he suggested; his hand settling onto Harry’s lower back to guide him and Harry didn’t know what felt better.

 

Louis’ touch or the promise of having a place he called _home._

//

 

“Are you sure about this?” Harry stretched out the white polyester wrapped around his slim but muscled thighs.

 

He wasn’t convinced about Spandex at the best of times, but he'd hoped Isobel might take it easy on him and pad his costume out to give the illusion his skinny frame wasn’t _quite_ so skinny.

 

“You have lovely legs!” Isobel assured, pressing a kiss to his cheek.

 

“But white?” Harry frowned, distraught. “You can see—everything, basically,” he swallowed.

 

“The blue starts up here,” she curved a hand over his shoulder. “And tapers into your slim little waist...”

 

“I thought it’d be more...modest,” he gulped, not sure his boxer briefs really did much good under the tight outfit.

 

“I can sew in another layer,” she considered.  “Like I do for the girls...modesty patch.”

 

Harry smirked; eyes starting to sparkle.

 

“Great. Now I’m a girl...”

 

Isobel laughed, tucking back some of his curls that had escaped the scarf he tied to keep them in place.

 

“Hm, what shall we do with your hair?”

 

“Nothing!” Harry begged, snapping his chin up.

 

“Maybe a white headband?” She suggested.

 

“To push my fringe back?” He checked and she nodded.

 

“Okay,” he agreed carefully and she went to find a plastic band to try out.

 

“Hey, look at you!” Louis' voice made him startle.

 

So much so that Louis paused with a concerned look; his fingers finding Harry’s wrist when he moved forward again; sliding over his skin gently.

 

“Everything okay?”

 

Harry forced a smile and nodded.

 

Louis watched him for another moment as though he'd worked out when Harry was lying. When people started to work him out he usually cut ties; wanting to keep as much of himself hidden as possible. Something about the warmth and comfort of _Louis_ made him feel something else for once. Tentative. Curious.

 

“Think we’re getting a different type of audience with you in those pants,” Louis arched a brow teasingly.

 

Harry couldn’t help his slow, bashful grin.

 

“I’ve asked to have it reinforced. “

 

Louis snorted.

 

“Not sure _more_ padding will help,” he mused; blue eyes lit with amusement as they lifted from Harry’s crotch to his chest. “You look nice, by the way,” he added quietly.

 

Harry pressed his lips together.

 

“I don’t know what to do with my hair.”

 

Louis flicked his chin up.

 

“I hope you’re not thinking of cutting it,” he accused, horrified.

 

Harry chuckled.

 

“Maybe a hairband to push it back...”

 

Louis blinked at him; a tiny smile curving his lips in pride.

 

“You’ll look incredible.”

 

“Maybe,” Harry shrugged. “I need to stay airborne first.”

 

“Which, is why I’m here,” Louis winked. “To walk you down to dress rehearsal.”

 

It was his first performance in front of the entire troupe and his hands were shaking; knees weak with nerves.

 

“Lou, what if I-”

 

Louis leaned forward, cupping his elbows in gentle hands to place a deliberate kiss on his cheek.

 

“You’ll be fine. I have faith in you.”

 

Harry stared at him, chewing his lower lip in wanting to kiss him back.

 

“Can we-”

 

“Right, where’s my little butterfly?!” Ricardo’s voice boomed through the corridor of the big top; his beaming face appearing before his body. “Ah! The partners in crime, I see!”

 

Harry frowned at the term and Ricardo laughed.

 

“No! Not really! I mean, you are always together,” he explained.

 

Louis smiled wanly.

 

“Was just about to walk him down,” Louis murmured.

 

Ricardo's gaze flicked between them, one brow arching.

 

“Alright then. Bring him to us. Let him fly!” He spun with his trademark flourish and Louis swallowed wistfully as he watched Ricardo walk away.

 

“I’m just not charismatic enough to be in charge of the ring,” he observed sadly of the other man’s natural ability for flair.

 

“Lou, that’s not true,” Harry strode forward to grab his hand. “You don’t have to be like Ricardo to run the show. You’re you and that's-that's all you need, okay? Just you.”

 

Louis stared into his earnest green eyes and sighed, tugging his hand.

 

“Tonight is about you, Curly. Let’s get you up in those rafters and show the world what they’re missing.”

 

Harry’s breath hitched as he smiled back, letting Louis lead him into the ring.

 

//

 

He wasn’t sure how it happened.

 

He’d set up his apparatus and knew the routine by heart and the grand finale was risky but he wanted to prove himself; to show the troupe that he wasn’t what they thought.

 

He wasn’t shady or disloyal and he wasn’t a thief. He was part of their world now; a premium player.

 

He was supposed to launch from the swing bar and grab the hung ribbon; spinning and spiralling down until the lights blacked out dramatically.

 

It didn’t _quite_ play out that way; the silk banner partly detached when he jumped; ripping when he clutched at it and sending him falling inelegantly backwards amid gasps of horror.

 

He landed in the safety net with a series of bounces, but he let the purple silk crash over him to hide his shame.

 

“Fuck.”

 

“Harry?” Laura was the first one to the net, reaching for the banner to reel it out. “Are you okay?”

 

He snorted.

 

“Fucking wonderful,” he lamented, looking sideways at her. “You?”

 

Laura reached into the hammock.

 

“Come on, I’ll pull you out...”

 

Harry rolled his eyes and crawled to the edge; somersaulting down and hitching the costume where it wedged up between his thighs.

 

“You were brilliant!” Isobel grabbed him into a hug.

 

“Didn’t I tell you he would be a star!” Ricardo grinned.

 

Harry listened to the tranche of compliments with a numb body; his mind digging deep to make sense of what happened.

 

“I promise I’ll fix it,” he told the boss earnestly. “I had it secure, I know I did...”

 

“Bit of a liability isn’t it?” Came Zayn’s nonchalant tone.

 

Harry glared at him.

 

“Not really. I can come up with a new finale if the ribbon doesn’t work...”

 

“I mean you,” Zayn said. “Bag of nerves before you went on...”

 

“I think we’re all a bag of nerves before we go on,” Laura argued.

 

“You weren’t so smooth your first few shows,” Ricardo mused.

 

Zayn turned his face away.

 

“Whatever. Don’t say I didn’t warn you.”

 

Louis tilted his head at that, his eyes carefully shifting to Harry.  Harry looked pale and frightened; eyes wide in his beautiful face.

 

“I’m not what you think,” Harry beseeched but Louis knew his defence would have no sway on the dark-haired man.

 

He’d known Zayn long enough to know he wouldn’t change his mind but now Louis had a solid gut feeling that there was far more to this than mistrust.

 

“Zee, why don’t you come and hang out with us for a bit?” He invited; perfectly innocent.

 

Zayn twisted to flick his eyes over Louis.

 

“No, thanks,” he replied simply before trudging away.

 

Louis swallowed and tried not to let the accusing look in his friend's eyes get to him. He wasn’t going to let Zayn make him feel bad for finding someone that made him feel _good_. He wasn’t going to let anyone take Harry away.

 

“Come on, Curly,” Louis moved to guide Harry backstage to change. “Let's make a hot chocolate back at the van to celebrate.”

 

//

 

It was after the lights went out that Louis first heard it.

 

A sniffle or cough like Harry might be laying on his back with his mouth wide open. He didn’t usually sleep on his back though. That’s what brought Louis' senses alert.

 

Harry liked to sleep on his front; one arm curled around one of his pillows and his hair a mess of curls.

 

So, he didn’t usually gurgle.

 

The bitten-back whimper had him frowning.

 

If Harry wasn’t snoring; maybe he was _getting off_. Right above him, mere feet of space between them and-

 

The sniffs became wetter; the sobs muffled into a pillow. Louis sat up.

 

“Harry?”

 

The noises stopped but the sniffling increased.

 

“It's nothing. Go back to sleep, Lou.”

 

Louis rolled his eyes and flipped back his duvet.

 

“What’s wrong?” He asked, rolling onto his side to try and peek into the top bunk.

 

Harry had shifted into the wall to hide himself.

 

“Nothing...” his voice was distorted with emotion. “ _Please,_ ” he begged.

 

 _Please what?_ Louis wondered.

 

He sighed, clambering out of his bunk.

 

“Right, this is the only fucking time you’ll ever catch me doing this, so you better open your eyes.” He huffed.

 

Harry twisted half onto his back while Louis tried to find the rungs of the ladder in the dark.

 

“Ow, fuck,” Louis hissed as he stubbed his toe, quickly shooting up the steps to fling himself into Harry’s bunk. “Right. I’m here. Hi.”

 

Harry curled away from him to face the wall.

 

“I just scaled the side of this mountain and all I get is the silent treatment?” Louis murmured.

 

Harry swallowed and smudged his cheek into his pillow.

 

“Alright, fine,” Louis muttered and Harry began to relax; thinking he’d climb back down.

 

“Jesus!” He gasped as ice-cold feet crammed in against his calves.

 

Louis shouldered under his duvet and curved himself against Harry’s back. Quite perfectly, actually. Harry didn’t want to think too hard about it.

 

He brushed away the remnants of tears on his cheek and sniffed again.

 

Louis cuddled up to him; body warm and feet cold. Harry shifted a bit when fingers began to comb through his hair.

 

“You’re not upset about tonight, are you? You were amazing...”

 

Harry shook his head; fresh tears starting.

 

“I should have checked;” his voice was thick and wobbly. “Before I grabbed the ribbon, I should have-”

 

“Shh,” Louis’ leg slid between his; fingers digging deeper into his curls. “You were amazing,” he repeated raspily against his ear.

 

“What if that had happened in the show? The whole performance would have been ruined because I fucked up!”

 

Louis pressed a hand against his chest and bent his arm by Harry’s head, lips nuzzling his crown.

 

“It's not going to happen in the show because we'll help you. We'll check everything before you go up.”

 

Harry swallowed, throat hurting.

 

“It's okay,” Louis promised, sensing his need to let go of his pain. “I’ll protect you,” he tightened his arm around the younger boy; cuddling him tightly.

 

Harry cried then; thick sobs and wet gulping sniffs until Louis untucked a handkerchief from the sleeve of his jumper for Harry to use.

 

They laid together awake and just breathing until Harry yawned; puffy eyes squinting tiredly.

 

“There’s something I have to tell you,” he mumbled, grasping Louis’ hand that laid against his chest.

 

“Shh, beautiful. Go to sleep now, hmm?”

 

“Don’t disappear before I get to tell you,” Harry begged on a whisper. “Tomorrow,” he added in a sleep slurred voice. “Wake me.”

 

Louis smiled into his neck; knowing he wouldn’t wake Harry for all the tea in China. But he couldn’t promise to be there when his lions needed tending to.

 

Not to mention Bailey who was sleeping in his dog bed by the door.

 

“Everything’s going to be okay, beautiful,” Louis promised him instead.


	8. Chapter 8

It was-

 

God, it was insane.

 

Harry twitched in his curled position; flexing his hand against his chest to find nothing in his grip.

 

He lifted his head.

 

 _Don't fight it, it's coming for you, running at ya_ _It's only this moment, don't care what comes after_ _Your fever dream, can't you see it getting closer_ _Just surrender 'cause you feel the feeling taking over_ _It's fire, it's freedom, it's flooding open_ _It's a preacher in the pulpit and you'll find devotion_ _There's something breaking at the brick of every wall, it's holding all that you know_ _So tell me do you wanna go?_

 

Fuck. Who _was_ that?

 

They sounded incredible and were they actually inside his van?

 

He rolled over to peer over the ledge of his bunk.

 

 _Where it's covered in all the colored lights_ _Where the runaways are running the night_ _Impossible comes true, it's taking over you_ _Oh, this is the greatest show_ _We light it up, we won't come down_ _And the sun can't stop us now_ _Watching it come true, it's taking over you_ _Oh, this is the greatest show_

 

Louis flung out and arm as he hit the big note, hip popped and back arched.

 

 _It's everything you ever want_ _It's everything you ever need_ _And it's here right in front of you_ _This is where you wanna be (this is where you wanna be)_ _It's everything you ever want_ _It's everything you ever need_ _And it's here right in front of you_ _This is where you wanna be_ _This is where you wanna be_

Harry couldn’t help the way his lips pulled into an instant, enamoured grin. He pulled up his duvet slowly and bit into his lip as he watched his roommate dance uninhibited around the floor space (quite a feat in the cramped conditions).

 

“What're you doing?” He asked, breaking Louis' impassioned performance.

 

“SHIT!” Louis hissed, feet sliding as he lost his balance.

 

Once he regained it, he flicked back his fringe and glanced to the top bunk.

 

Harry showcased his gigantic smile.

 

“Because whatever it is, I kind of like it...” Harry admitted.

 

Louis pursed his lips and huffed into his fringe, knocking his chin up defiantly.

 

“ _That_ was my opener,” he fronted.  “When I have my own show with the smallest Ring Master in the country, possibly the _world_ ,” he announced.

 

Harry propped up onto his elbows.

 

“You’re not small,” he frowned.

 

“For a showman,” Louis shrugged.

 

Harry got onto his knees and crawled to the ladder; climbing clumsily down.

 

Louis straightened his hair and trod on the loose toe of his sock as Harry approached. He looked up as Harry towered over him with a smirk; strong, athletic arms sliding around his middle.

 

“Just the right size,” Harry smiled impossibly wide.

 

Louis slipped a thumb into his wide-open dimple.

 

“Someone looks happier this morning...”

 

Harry swallowed with a nod, eyes focusing on Louis' mouth. Maybe now was a good time to kiss him?

 

A thundering at the van door had them jumping apart; Louis clutching a hand to his chest.

 

“Fucking hell!” he yelled. “Can’t anyone knock normally?”

 

Harry turned and sat in the bottom bunk.

 

“Louis, you’ve got to come!” Liam gasped.

 

Louis' heart stopped beating.

 

“The lions got out!”

 

//

 

When Louis ran towards the field Liam directed him to, Felix was restrained by two men hauling either side of him with chains attached to his collar.

 

Louis only used the chains during performances due to the unreliable nature of the crowd; unknown noises and movements from children sitting in the front row causing him to be cautious.

 

His animals had never been restrained with them; only tethered gently and his chest hurt at seeing Felix fighting against his capture; frenzied in his bucking and wrestling.

 

“Fuck!” He whispered, running shaky fingers into his hair as his gaze sought out Teddy. “I locked the cage,” he defended breathlessly. “How did they get out?”

 

The older lion fared better. Circled in by four of the troupe; he was scampering and growling when they edged near him to loop a leash onto his collar.

 

Louis felt a burning sense of pride at how well he was coping, but he also knew that as playful as Teddy was, he wouldn’t tolerate being confined for much longer.

 

His eyes flicked between the two; loyalties split between who to help first.

 

A gentle hand splayed over his spine.

 

“You get Felix,” Harry told him. “He looks wild. Teddy knows me. I can talk him down…”

 

Louis looked up at him; heart in his throat.

 

“You could get hurt,” he warned.

 

Harry nodded and jogged off across the grass. Louis ached to reach for him; to pull him out of harm’s way but he had to trust his animals.

 

Teddy wouldn’t hurt him deliberately.

 

He ran towards the men holding Felix and sucked in a fortifying breath.

 

//

 

Harry approached Teddy with a steady stride, quietly asking the other troupe members to back away from him.

 

Billy slipped him the leather leash and Harry tucked it into his pocket; hands balanced carefully in front of him as Teddy paced back and forth baring his teeth.

 

“I get it, okay? You’re pissed off. I would be too,” he reasoned. “Someone spooked you and you don’t feel safe,” Harry guessed; gaze locking with the amber eyes of the animal. “I know how that feels.”

 

Teddy lunged but it wasn’t a true threat; more an empty one. Harry stood his ground; tummy twisting.

 

“It wasn’t me who scared you,” he pointed out. “We’re not all bad.”

 

Teddy roared, tail swishing as he turned to and fro. Harry lowered himself to one knee, then the other, hands resting against his thighs as he swallowed.

 

“Remember when I met you? When you let me sleep on you? Remember when you helped hide me?”

 

Teddy peered around Harry down the field to where Louis was calming a frightened Felix and Harry twisted to watch for a moment; turning back to the lion with a sigh.

 

“I know,” he conceded. “Felix doesn't deserve to go through that. Neither do you.”

 

Teddy slowed down, body turning toward Harry’s voice.

 

“I’m sorry,” Harry appealed. “I’m sorry that we hurt you.”

 

Teddy lashes were long and majestic as he blinked, tongue lapping as he opened his mouth.

 

“You’re still going to eat me?” Harry asked, affronted. “After that impassioned speech?”

 

Teddy snorted and pounced on a tuft of grass.

 

“Now you’re just being silly,” Harry murmured.

 

The lion brushed by him; turning to look into his face before repeating the action on his other side.

 

Harry put his hands gently out; letting Teddy smooth himself against his palms until Harry carefully stroked over his fur; checking his limbs for any damage.

 

“You’re fine,” he breathed in relief.

 

Teddy growled in his throat as he butted heads; mane almost suffocating Harry as he moved for a boisterous hug.

 

“Oh, _now_ you want to be friends? Going to let me clip on your leash then?”

 

Harry tentatively secured the tether into place with a thankful sigh. He quickly twisted to check on Louis and Felix.

 

His heart leapt out of his chest when he saw Louis sprawled on the grass; Felix' heavy body pressed over him; big paws on his chest.

 

“Lou!” He gasped, shooting to his feet.

 

Teddy nudged into his thigh. Harry let out a choke of relief when he caught Louis’ protests; Felix wrestling with him for domination.

 

That was infinitely better than being mauled.

 

Harry led Teddy quietly down the field; hoping his sedation would rub off on Felix.

 

//

 

“Get off me, you lug!” Louis pushed at Felix's chest unsuccessfully.

 

“Hey, Felix!” Harry called as he strolled over.

 

Felix jumped off Louis and circled him and Teddy; body tense and eyes distrustful.

 

Louis got up and dusted himself off; tight jeans and jumper clinging to his curves. Harry’s eyes went over him once to check his physical status and then again more slowly to appreciate his shape.

 

“Thanks,” Louis appreciated.

 

“No problem,” Harry’s eyes followed Felix astutely. “Um. Will he be okay?”

 

Louis moved to grasp the big cat's collar to lead him down into the enclosure. Felix tried to wriggle out of his leather neck restraint but he trotted along anyway; his opposition more for show.

 

“He’ll be fine once he remembers who's in charge...” Louis quipped.

 

Harry smirked as he led a now-fussed Teddy into the cage.

 

Louis struggled in with Felix and quickly stepped out to lock the cage door.

 

“No bonding?” Harry asked.

 

Louis shook his head.

 

“They need their own space for a bit. I’ll cover the cage over tonight and hope it’ll settle them...”

 

Harry sucked in a breath.

 

“I’m glad they’re okay.”

 

“Me too,” Louis managed tiredly before he turned toward the van.

 

//

 

Oh god.

 

_Oh god, oh god, oh god!_

 

He did it. He-

 

He _actually_ did it! He flew! He _soared._ The crowd had gone crazy. The noise had been indescribable.

 

Adrenaline was racing around his veins with the pure buzz of success and Harry loved the victorious burn in his belly.

 

The ribbon had worked, it had looked incredible.

 

And he was running backstage to the rapturous applause and deafening screams but only one voice mattered; only one body.

 

Louis was fixing his starched collar when Harry found him; blue eyes darting upwards when he rushed over; lips parting in an immediate bright smile but Harry needed more than that. He needed Louis' heart beside his; beating the same scattered rhythm.

 

He crowded him up against the metal railings of the seating frame; the very same ones he’d swung down so effortlessly when he’d been caught peeking only now Louis was pressed against him; small body made to be a perfect fit.

 

Harry splayed his fingers to cup one cheek; pinky sliding wide as his other hand lifted to frame his jaw and then he was stumbling into a heartfelt kiss; eyes squeezed shut and lips pressing; sucking sweetly in a messy haze to taste him; to show him what he meant.

 

Louis had always meant so much, but tonight he meant more somehow; everything felt like _more._

And he was finally doing what he had wanted to do for so long. What he had _thought_ about doing. Maybe he could take on the world tomorrow.

“Hey, hey...” Louis broke the kiss reluctantly.

 

Harry pressed their foreheads together.

 

“Sorry,” he swallowed.

 

Louis tilted his face to kiss his mouth; just once, tenderly.

 

“I don’t want you to be sorry.”

 

Harry grinned, cross-eyed.

 

“No?”

 

“No,” he promised. “But everyone’s watching,” he whispered.

 

Harry tensed, face whipping around to check. Several troupe members were idling backstage; waiting for the curtain call. Most of them were desperately trying to appear casual whilst staring blatantly at his show of affection.

 

“Oh,” he swallowed, leaning away from Louis slightly.

 

Billy wolf-whistled to break the tension.

 

“Get a room!” He whooped. “Oh, wait, you already have one...”

 

Louis rolled his eyes and tangled his fingers with Harry, who turned bashful at the attention.

 

“You were great out there,” Louis complimented.

 

Harry smiled.

 

“So were you. I like the new standing-on-a-ball thing.”

 

Louis rolled his eyes.

 

“I almost thought he wouldn’t do it,” he shared of Felix. “Especially after the other night.”

 

“They've got a good life here, Lou.”

 

“Players!” Ricardo called them in a stage whisper. “Time to take your bows. In order,” he added, glancing at Harry and Louis' joined hands.

 

Louis kissed the back of Harry’s hand before releasing it; threading to the front of the line. Harry watched him with a strange feeling burgeoning in his chest that felt much like conquering his fears.

 

//

 

“You did a wonderful job last night,” Ricardo told Harry as they strolled around the park, Ricardo having caught him after breakfast for a walk.

 

“Thanks,” Harry said, peeking at him.

 

“Do the same tonight and we’ll be rich by the end of the summer,” he winked.

 

Harry smiled.

 

“I’ll try my best.”

 

“So,” he glanced over. “You and Louis...”

 

Harry’s step faltered.

 

He hadn’t expected it to come up in conversation. He hadn’t _planned_ to kiss Louis, it had been a spontaneous decision. They’d gone to bed in their individual bunks just like they had every other night; their friendship still intact.

 

Harry didn’t want to rush into anything. But holding Louis’ hand and getting to kiss him were definite bonuses to his new life.

 

“Um,” he frowned, not sure what to say or what Ricardo's reaction might be.

 

“Be careful that you do not unsettle the delicate balance,” Ricardo counselled. “It would not do well for the team if you fall out and are yelling at each other backstage.  If we have to change your vans then things will get tricky...”

 

Harry sucked his lip thoughtfully.

 

“It's probably best we don’t date then?” He posed.

 

Ricardo sighed.

 

“If you are in love then no man can stop you. But you’re both so young and this life is still so new to you.”

 

Harry nodded.

 

“It is.”

 

Ricardo reached across to smooth a hand over his back.

 

“Do you have any concerns you need to share?”

 

Harry swallowed.

 

He had a great many concerns. Mostly surrounding the dress rehearsal failure and the release of the lions, both seemingly innocent incidents but, to Harry, nothing felt coincidental since his run-in with Zayn.

 

And he still hadn’t told Louis about the dog fight; the one thing he'd been determined to tell him when he’d fallen asleep in the other man’s arms.

 

He looked at Ricardo and wondered if he’d believe him. If he’d trust a skinny newcomer over a long serving player.

 

Ricardo already had a black mark against his name because of the missing ring; something Harry also attributed to Louis' best friend.

 

He couldn’t risk angering him further or causing more problems.

 

“Everything is fine,” he lied with a forced smile, letting Ricardo lead him back to his van.

 

//

 

“Hey...”

 

Harry was laid in his bunk in the dark trying to sleep when Louis' voice reached him.

 

“Thought you went to sleep hours ago.” Harry mused.

 

“What were you going to tell me?” Louis wondered.  “The other night?”

 

Harry swallowed.

 

“Hm? Oh, I don’t remember. “

 

He heard Louis fidget in bed.

 

“I know when you’re lying you know,” Louis murmured.

 

“What?” Harry frowned; heart racing.

 

“It’s okay,” Louis assured. “I don’t mind. I’m just saying...you can tell me, if you want to.”

 

Harry fiddled with his fingers, brow creasing with indecision.  The same indecision he’d felt talking to Ricardo only Louis was his only true confidante.  The one person who would listen without prejudice.

 

And yet the words were overwhelmingly hard to say. Zayn was his _best friend._ Harry shouldn’t come between them. Louis might grow to resent him, then Zayn would have more ammunition against Harry if he thought Harry was trying to cut Louis off from him.

 

And Harry didn’t want to cause any rift or bad feeling. He didn’t want any reason to be cast out of the troupe.

 

_But._

He was on the cusp of having something with Louis. Perhaps not with Ricardo's or Zayn’s approval but Harry wasn’t _exactly_ used to needing approval to do what he wanted.

 

And surely it was fair to allow Louis to make up his own mind about Zayn? If Harry didn’t tell him and Zayn _did_ then he’d be hurt.

 

_He might be hurt either way._

“Lou?” He called, checking he was still awake.

 

“Hm?” Louis hummed, definitely drifting off.

 

“I don’t think Zayn likes me.”

 

Louis’ immediate silence followed by a quiet rustling of covers told Harry that this wasn’t news to Louis. _Did that mean Zayn had said something? What had he said?_

 

“It doesn’t matter,” Louis decided to say. “I don’t choose my friends based on Zayn’s opinion...”

 

Harry sucked in a breath and let it out; legs scissoring.

 

“I saw him,” Harry ventured. “I saw him outside the circus.”

 

Louis sat up.

 

“Where?”

 

“At a dog fight,” Harry admitted.

 

It took Louis a few seconds to connect the dots.

 

“Bailey?” He checked.

 

Harry curled to peer over the ledge of his bunk into the darkness of the bunk beneath.

 

“Promise me you won’t say anything?” He begged.

 

Louis looked up.

 

“I promise.”

 

“He was placing a bet and I wanted to help the dogs and he wouldn’t help me. I got trampled, in the end. H-He-“

 

Louis’ gaze sharpened, eyes narrowing.

 

“He left you there?”

 

Harry quickly rolled back into his bunk.

 

“I mean, I’m okay.”

 

“Curly?”

 

Harry smiled at the nickname.

 

“Yeah?”

 

“Do you want to share tonight?”

 

Harry's heart flopped over in his chest.

 

“Okay,” he said before he moved to swap bunks.

 

//

 

“Is there anything else I need to know?” Louis brushed Harry's thickly curled fringe back only to watch it spring onto his forehead once more.

 

Harry shook his head and nudged closer to earn Louis' digits plunged into his hair.

 

Louis curled a bit more to press a kiss against his hair but Harry felt the weight of the moment press down on him.

 

He clutched his fingers into the front of Louis’ jumper and settled his knuckles gently against his chest.

 

“G’nite, Lou.”

 

“Goodnight, beautiful.”

 

//


	9. Chapter 9

“I was thinking,” Harry nudged Louis in the back gently with his elbow; hands shoved into his coat pockets to protect them from the cold while he watched Louis complete a warm up with the animals before the show

 

Bailey was sitting by his foot watching proceedings with eager eyes and a hanging tongue but he didn’t move unless Harry commanded it.

 

“Careful, Curly,” Louis winked.

 

Harry rolled his eyes.

 

“Have you tried putting them in motion?” He asked.

 

Louis twisted to look at him; gesturing his animals to sit for a moment.

 

“I haven’t,” Louis admitted. “What're you thinking?”

 

“Maybe put them on a trailer and do a trick up on the platform while it circles the floor.”

 

“You might be onto something there,” Louis hummed. “They don’t have to learn new tricks, just get used to being up on the trailer...”

 

“Exactly,” Harry nodded. “I’ve seen it done somewhere else and it looked really good.”

 

“Oh yeah?” Louis lifted a brow. “Where’s that then?”

 

Harry ducked his chin with a sheepish smile.

 

“Before I came here,” he murmured.

 

Louis reached up to cup his cheek, head tilting in consideration.

 

“You’ve got a whole life I know nothing about, hm?”

 

Harry’s lips pressed together and his eyes flicked away almost bitterly.

 

“Never mind.”

 

Louis softened into a smile and brushed his thumb delicately over Harry's cheekbone; something Harry was evidently uncomfortable about but he didn't remove his hand or shift away.

 

“Do you want to take over the lion taming for a bit?” Louis wondered.

 

Harry's eyes shifted to his; alight with hope.

 

“Can I?” He whispered.

 

Louis nodded and stepped away.

 

“I’ll show you their commands.”

 

“Okay,” Harry’s smile tugged at the corners of his mouth; his fingers tangling into his wild hair. “You can do the Ring Master bit,” he suggested.

 

Bailey lifted his chin at the activity and Louis bent to scoop him up.

 

“Jeez you’re heavy,” he huffed.

 

Bailey licked his chin in response.

 

Louis made a rueful face.

 

“Great. The only member of this circus who wants to lick me is a dog.”

 

Harry's lips quirked; his eyes peeking at him and lashes hitting his cheeks again as quickly.

 

“Possibly not the _only_ one.”

 

Louis swallowed and tried to ignore the stirring in his bright red uniform slacks. Harry licking any part of him was just too much to think about with dangerous wild animals in the room.

 

He showed Harry the signals for the cats and once he’d got the hang of a simple routine with them, Louis performed a mock introduction.

 

He couldn’t tell if it was because of Harry or because he had those few moments on stage in the role he ached to fill; but everything buzzed in him afterwards; everything felt _alive._

 

//

 

“I haven’t... _you know_ ,” Harry implored with a frown as his swollen lips twisted.

 

He was straddled over Louis' lap on the caravan sofa, Bailey roaming behind him restlessly even though he'd been on a long walk.

 

He curled his fingers into Louis’ t-shirt and frowned.

 

Louis’ fingers slid delicately over his forearm; hand curving around his bicep. His eyes flicked from where they’d been tracing his throat; up to his eyes when Harry found the courage to look at him.

 

“I haven’t had sex.” Harry blurted.

 

Louis held his gaze.

 

“It's ok.”

 

Harry sucked in a breath; one hand releasing Louis' top to clutch at his shoulder.

 

“Are you sure?” He checked quietly.

 

Louis smiled, free hand lifting from its position against his outer thigh to cup his cheek.

 

“Can I decide after you kiss me?” He teased.

 

Harry tipped his cheek into his warm palm and smiled back; dimples grooving into his cheeks.

 

“I guess so.”

 

Louis leaned up to tighten his arms around his waist as Harry moved closer and then their lips were pressing together; Harry sucking his lower lip sweetly while Louis drew him in with tight arms.

 

Harry flicked his tongue and shifted in his lap; hands coming up to frame his face and to graze long fingers into his hair messily.

 

Louis tugged at the back of his jumper to slide fingertips over his bared skin; earning a shiver from Harry in his lap.

 

He moaned a bit in his throat and pulled back.

 

“Want to take it off?” He asked.

 

Louis carefully unfurled the knit top away from his t-shirt and rolled it up; over his lifted arms and then his head. It ruffled his hair in a beautiful way and Harry gave him a bemused smile.

 

“ _Just_ the jumper?” He checked.

 

Louis drifted his hands around Harry’s waist and let his fingertips settle on his skin; teasing against its warmth.

 

Harry leaned back in for another kiss, thumbs pressing into Louis' cheeks.

 

Louis slowly gathered up the material of his cotton top under his fingers; tugging it over his lazily-lifted arms, elbows bending once it was out of the way; loose around his neck.

 

Harry closed his eyes as Louis pulled it right off, baring his torso completely. He flung the t-shirt away to Harry’s grin and Bailey’s huff as it landed on him.

 

“Sorry, bud,” Louis murmured.

 

His eyes drifted back to Harry’s chest; to his intrepid expression, lips sucked as his hands curled nervously in his lap as if he was shielding his body.

 

Louis let his gaze appreciate every inch of him; both muscular and a little bit gangly. His skin was pale and it was marred; he could see, with a break-out over his shoulders and on his chest.

 

His arms were nice and strong; his shoulders broad with his athleticism.  His chest was perfect, softly swollen pecs leading into tight abdominals

 

Louis had no idea why he looked freaked out.

 

“D-do you want me to put my top back on?” Harry asked when Louis just stared.

 

Louis shook his head, biting his lip as his body reacted strongly to the topless boy in his lap.

 

“Just want to look,” Louis promised softly; his usual wit and humour evaporated.

 

Harry uncupped his hands, reaching shakily for Louis' to twine their fingers. Louis couldn’t help the way his gaze slipped between Harry's thighs and caught the thick shaft pressing against his jeans; mirroring his own desire.

 

“We can turn the lights off,” Harry whispered.

 

Louis captured his gaze and kept it.

 

“You’re so beautiful, Harry,” he promised.

 

Harry curved his shoulders inwards and smoothed the pads of his thumbs over Louis' thumb knuckles.

 

“I’m all spotty,” he mumbled. “Like the state of my face isn’t enough,” he added derisively.

 

Louis broke their hand-hold to cup his cheek, leaning in to kiss him lovingly on the mouth. He reached for Harry's discarded hand and pressed it gently against himself where he was hot and hard.

 

“You don’t need to hide anything from me,” he promised. “You feel what you do to me?”

 

Harry’s breath hitched, lashes fluttering as he widened his eyes. He swallowed and surged forward to suck an urgent kiss from Louis' lips. They melted into the union; bodies pressing close for friction and intimacy. Harry ran the heel of his hand over Louis' heat before tangling fingers into his top; grasping it to drag it up over his belly so he could splay his fingers against his smooth, tan skin; causing Louis to moan in his throat.

 

Harry’s breath hitched in urgent need to draw in oxygen. Louis' caring hands slid up and down his thighs; thumbs gliding across the denim to press gently to the inside.

 

Louis lifted one hand to tilt his face and Harry went with his gentle coercion; suckling his upper lip lovingly. The way Louis bit sweetly into his lower lip had him squirming with a whimper.

 

It was the insistent sound of Bailey's whimpers that broke them apart reluctantly with fast, tight breaths; aroused and unsatisfied.

 

Harry burrowed against Louis' neck while Louis rubbed his back soothingly.

 

“What’s up, Bailey?” Louis asked the dog over Harry’s shoulder.

 

Bailey scampered in frantic circles.

 

“I think he wants to play,” Louis mused.

 

“Don’t we all,” Harry lamented in a husky voice, shuffling away.

 

Louis huffed out a laugh, pressing a hand into his own lap when Harry got up to pick up his jumper to put back on; his slim body shrouded by the baggy clothing.

 

“Maybe we can get away for a night,” Louis suggested as he got up to find one of Bailey’s toys to relieve his boredom.

 

Harry glanced over his shoulder; barefoot in jeans by the tiny sink; filling the kettle to make tea.

 

“Yeah?”

 

Louis nodded, distractedly wrestling with Bailey on his knees on the floor.

 

“Yeah. Like book a room somewhere so we can just-“

 

“Be alone,” Harry finished for him with a dimpled smile.

 

“No distractions,” Louis added.

 

“I have a bit of money,” he shared then quietly, filling the teapot with boiled water and dropping in two tea bags.

 

Louis glanced over.

 

“It won’t cost too much.”

 

Harry shrugged.

 

“I’ve been saving the money Ricardo gives us for personal allowance,” he explained.

 

“I’ll look at the next town we're going to,” Louis suggested.

 

Harry smiled. He spent almost every waking hour with Louis and spent every night with him too and yet the thought of booking into a hotel with him had his tummy fluttering excitedly.

 

“Okay,” he bit his lip to curb his enthusiasm as he poured their drinks.

 

//

 

Harry should have guessed something was going on.

 

The troupe had been unusually busy; barely anyone stopping to talk to him between shows and the hub was depleted by anyone's standards at meal times.

 

Niall had taken him on a rather long walk around the hills of their latest home, a pretty little village west of Wales; not far from his original home.

 

As much as Harry enjoyed spending time with the other players, he missed the safety of the group and his kinship with the animals, even for the two hours it took to hike the stunning countryside.

 

Back at the base, showered up and dressed in soft, fitted grey jogging bottoms and his dusk pink jumper; he headed for the hub with a towel around his neck to rub his wet hair into.

 

He shouldn’t have been surprised to find the troupe waiting for him; table aglow with lamps and surroundings decorated with banners and balloons.

 

“# _Happy Birthday to you_ ,” Began a chorus of jovial singing. “ _Happy Birthday to you! Happy Birthday dear Harry! Happy Birthday to you_!#”

 

He huffed out a breath as Laura sprang from the group to guide him into the thrall. Party poppers were shot over his head; blanketing him in paper streamers which he couldn’t help smiling at.

 

“We made your favourite dinner!” Laura promised.

 

“Lasagne?” He checked and she nodded happily.

 

“And of course, we have a cake...”

 

Harry stopped at the head of the table shyly and smiled at the group; eyes landing on Louis who had Bailey sat beside him on the bench.

 

“Thank you,” he breathed, overwhelmed.  “This is-“

 

“You don’t turn eighteen every day,” Isobel hugged him. “Happy Birthday, doll.”

 

Harry sought out Niall to berate him, but Louis brushed against his arm.

 

“Hey, birthday boy,” he greeted.

 

Harry looked down at him.

 

“Did you help with all this?” He beseeched.

 

Louis smirked.

 

“Maybe.”

 

“It's amazing,” he awed, swallowing his desire to kiss him. His brow furrowed with the uncertainty and he felt Louis' fingers glance over his wrist.

 

“Later,” he promised only; quietly for his ears alone.

 

Harry nodded, tongue lathing over his lips before he averted his attention back to the troupe.

 

“Shall we eat?” He suggested.

 

“Speech!” The players demanded; a rogue party popper bursting beside him; making him startle.

 

Once he had settled with a calming breath he nibbled at his lip thoughtfully.

 

“Since joining you, there’s so many things that I've learned,” he started. “There’s constant encouragement and support and a feeling of home that I’ve never truly had. I know some of you don’t trust me yet and I get it. I’m the same. But you're showing me that I’m safe here. And that means so much to me. So, thank you,” he murmured. “Thank you for making my birthday special...”

 

A loud cheer went up and Harry was tugged into his seat by Niall who kept topping up his wine until he was giggling and a little bit uncoordinated.

 

Laura found him leaned against Niall; arms around his neck and head resting on his shoulder whilst Louis chatted to Zayn _._

“Hey, Butterfly,” she tapped his thigh.

 

“Mm?” Harry blinked at her blearily.

 

“Guess what?”

 

He lifted his head, brows furrowing.

 

“You’re leaving,” he guessed.

 

She smiled.

 

“I’m leaving.” She confirmed.

 

“But-“

 

“You’re doing brilliantly,” she encouraged.  “You’ve already got a following and you're the baby of the troupe. Everyone loves you.”

 

“Not everyone,” Harry mumbled, shifting to unlock his arms from Niall's neck.

 

“Thank God fer that,” Niall mused.

 

“Everyone who matters,” Laura inserted. “I want you to keep flying high, okay?”

 

Harry reached to hug her, wrapping her in his warmth.

 

“I’m going to miss you.”

 

“I’ll miss you too,” she sniffled. “I’ll come and watch a show sometime. Drop in to say hi when you least expect it.”

 

Harry nodded, pulling away.

 

“Take good care of yourself, Lorry,” he smiled fondly; using Louis' nickname for her.

 

She got up to say her farewells to the rest of the group while Harry looked for Louis to help him up.

 

When it came time to go to bed; he collapsed with a giggle into the grass.

 

Louis rolled his eyes.

 

“Thanks, Niall,” he called accusingly as the Irish man skipped off. Niall could handle his drink infinitely better than the star-fished teen at Louis’ feet.

 

But his handsome grin and sparkle-filled eyes made his tummy squirm, so he couldn’t find it in himself to be too mad.

 

He held out his hand; Bailey tucked under his other arm.

 

“C'mon, Curly,” he beckoned. “Let's get you to bed.”

 

//

 

There was no way Harry was capable of climbing the ladder and Louis refused to climb up top unless Harry was up there having a crisis.

 

So, he settled in a protective curl around the bigger boy's body; fingers combing through his haphazardly dried hair.  It was at its curliest when he let it dry naturally and super soft from being freshly washed.

 

Louis ached to know why Harry flinched at loud noises; why he'd cowered when Louis had gone to tickle him. He wanted to know everything about him; why he'd built an armour and why it was so difficult to get underneath it.

 

He wanted to know why Harry spent his youth watching the circus instead of spending it at the orphanage with the other kids.

 

He might never get to know the answers but the realisation that he _wanted_ to know was something of an acknowledgement of his feelings for the curly haired boy.

 

Ricardo had warned him not to get involved. Louis knew he must have told Harry the same and yet neither of them had heeded the advice.

 

Louis had dated once before within the troupe, but it hadn’t ended well. The guy he'd been sneaking around with had also been sleeping with one of the horse girls and it had caused friction and awkwardness until he'd left so Louis knew all about the complications of working with someone he had feelings for.

 

But Harry made it too easy to ignore the warnings. He was too beautiful to ignore.

 

Louis watched him twist onto his back in his sleep; curling towards him until he had his head tucked against Louis’ shoulder and his fingers clasped into his top.

 

Louis pressed a kiss to his forehead and cuddled him close.

 

He was too precious for anyone to take away. Louis was adamant about that.

 

//

 

“Did you find a place?” Harry mumbled the question against Louis' lips as he pressed him into the tree they’d come to hide behind on their walk with Bailey.

 

The dog was happily sniffing through the leaves while Harry slid his arms around Louis’ waist and leaned into him; sliding their bodies together a bit.

 

It earned him another kiss. It earned him Louis' arms tightening around his shoulders as he struggled to reach; fingertips brushing into his hair.

 

Harry shuddered and flicked his moan into Louis' mouth with his tongue.

 

“Yeah,” Louis breathed once the kiss broke, and Harry wasn’t sure if it was affirmation to what they were doing right now or an answer to his question.

 

“Yeah?” He pulled back to cup his cheek.

 

Louis looked up to him with a nod and a beguiling smile; the smile spreading across Harry’s lips until they were kissing again; wrapped tight together. Harry hummed as he rubbed himself against Louis’ warm body slowly; lingering in the feel of him as their mouths parodied what their bodies ached to do.

 

Louis grasped the back of his jacket in weak fingers; hitching himself up and failing to gain leverage; breath hitching as Harry’s strong arms banded around his middle to help lift him up. Louis used the advantage to sink his hands into the mane of dark curls; tilting Harry’s face to flick his tongue into his mouth.

 

It was only as a low moan vibrated in his throat that his senses became alert to a faint noise somewhere around them.

 

Louis unravelled his fingers from Harry’s hair to press his index finger over his own mouth to shush him.

 

“I hear something,” he whispered.

 

Harry carefully stepped back, foot squelching a little against the leaves; a late winter shower having surprised them. That’s what had caused them to dash for cover; hand in hand until Harry had backed Louis against the tree to kiss him; cold and wet.

 

Sure enough there were distant voices. Harry pushed the heel of his hand against the front of his jeans with a grimace, letting out a resigned breath.

 

“One of these days we'll get to finish this,” he mused.

 

They hadn’t talked about it; the fact that they had to hide their relationship from the troupe but it was a mutual understanding between them.

 

Harry turned to look for Bailey while Louis tidied his hair and clothes and regained enough semblance to put on a friendly face.

 

“What are you two doing out here?” Niall called when he came into view, Liam by his side.

 

“Walking the dog,” Harry replied with a wan smile.

 

Niall looked to Louis who shifted uncomfortably.

 

“Didn’t want him to get lost,” he mumbled.

 

Niall snorted and Liam smiled at them.

 

“You two be careful,” he counselled. “Don’t let Ricardo find you. You know how he feels about players fraternising...”

 

“Yes, well,” Louis clipped with a huff, clawing back his damp fringe. “We’re not _fraternising_ if you must know.”

 

Harry looked at him; Bailey bounding over to greet the new visitors.

 

Liam bent to fuss him while Niall looked between them.

 

“You’re proper together,” he concluded astutely.

 

Louis slid a nervous look to Harry.

 

Harry moved to grasp his hand.

 

“We're boyfriends,” he confirmed with a swallow.

 

Louis’ lips flicked up in the very corners and he squeezed Harry’s hand. His eyes had never looked so blue. Harry couldn’t help staring.

 

“We get the drift,” Niall teased. “Just don’t get caught.”

 

Harry smiled bashfully and shook his head.

 

“We won't.”

 

“Right, we'll leave you to it,” Liam straightened up.

 

Louis nodded at his friends and led Harry back to camp; reluctantly letting go of his hand to walk through the site.


	10. Chapter 10

“Tonight,” Louis told Harry when he woke in his top bunk, yawning loudly to test if Louis was awake and present.

 

Harry froze.

 

“Tonight?”

 

“Got a nice little room at a place on the coast, we can take the bus from the village after curtain call and get the first bus back in the morning.”

 

Harry felt his tummy shimmer in nervous excitement.

 

“Okay.”

 

//

 

They sat together on the bus; Harry’s hand settling possessively over Louis' knee after the driver had winked at him and called him _handsome._

Louis propped their shared overnight bag in his lap to shield the gesture; eyes flicking between the scenery and Harry’s profile.

 

He'd looped a scarf around his neck but it didn’t cover his scars. Louis loved seeing him carefree and confident; no insecurities marring his perfect features.

 

Harry noticed him staring; twisting his head to smile at him, chin tucked into his scarf.

 

“What?” Harry murmured.

 

Louis shook his head with his own smile.

 

“Nothing.”

 

“Thinking about later?” Harry lifted a brow.

 

“We can just sleep if we want to,” Louis assured. “It doesn’t have to mean something.”

 

Harry squeezed his knee.

 

“I want it to.”

 

Louis swallowed.

 

“Let's just see how we feel when we get there.”

 

Harry grinned, ducking his shoulder to murmur into Louis’ ear.

 

“I feel really good,” he admitted; biting his lip.

 

Louis tensed a bit when Harry slid his hand over his thigh.

 

“Do you feel good, Lou?”

 

Louis glanced around the bus before slipping his hand under his bag to stop Harry's fingers reaching his groin; the backs of his fingers brushing his inner thighs with a mischievous smirk; eyes alight with his mirth.

 

“Thought you were shy,” Louis accused softly and Harry chuckled at the accusation.

 

He settled his head against Louis' shoulder, not caring who saw.

 

//

 

“Want you inside me.” Harry swallowed, lip caught under his teeth as he stared dark-eyed at Louis.

 

They'd been kissing on the bed for an hour now; rolling this way and that to find a comfortable position to settle in.

 

Harry hadn’t been penetrated before but it didn’t make him nervous; his body yearned for the new sensation; something he would only have shared with Louis to date.

 

Louis undressed him slowly, worshipping him while Harry undressed Louis between kisses; hands fascinated by his small, strong body.

 

“ _Lou_ ,” his brows furrowed when he was curled between his thighs; thumbs pressing into the lush flesh followed swiftly by his teeth.

 

He pushed Louis back on the bed to straddle him; reaching for the lubricant they’d bought along.

 

“What’re you doing?” Louis wondered.

 

“I’m ready,” Harry told him plainly.

 

Louis gently slid the bottle from his grip.

 

“I’ll do it,” he promised.

 

Harry’s breathing spiked, eyes widening as Louis turned them to lay him on the mattress.

 

“Lou, can I-?” He reached up to grasp his wrists, throat tight with fear.

 

Louis paused.

 

“What’s wrong?”

 

“Nothing,” Harry quickly assured. “Nothing, I just wanted to, uh…to-”

 

Louis frowned, hand sliding off his ribs to cup his cheek; thumb running there super softly. His blue eyes seemed to reach inside him and pull out his soul.

 

“Who hurt you?” Louis whispered.

 

Harry squeezed his eyes shut and twisted his face away from Louis' touch.

 

“No one. It doesn’t matter,” he shifted to lay on his stomach.

 

Louis sat by the headboard, body hard and aching while Harry sat up to stare at him, hands quivering.

 

“Don’t you um...don’t you want to, anymore?” Harry checked.

 

Louis gathered him close; pulling him gently into his lap where Harry straddled his hips again; hesitantly kissing his mouth.

 

“Is like this okay?” Louis asked.

 

Harry nodded, lips pressing against Louis' neck, while his hand curved around the other side; smoothing onto his shoulder.

 

Louis was so good, was the thing.  His fingers felt just the right amount of tight and sweet; scissoring and sliding in then out; easing him open.

 

Harry kissed him some more once his initial fear had subsided and Louis kept asking him how he wanted it, but he didn’t _know_.

 

His thighs hurt and he couldn’t hold himself up but on his front he had no control. Louis might prefer it though, not being able to see his face.

 

“Want to look at you,” Louis whispered, twisting three fingers gently to rouse a gasp.

 

He kissed Harry’s chin, licking over his jaw.

 

“You like that idea, Curly?”

 

Harry nodded and found himself lowered once more to his back; knees curled up while Louis knelt between them; tucking a pillow under his lower back.

 

When he leaned in to kiss him, Harry felt so much. The way his hands carefully arranged Harry’s legs to secure around his waist; the way his dick (now protected) slid against his taint and the way his kisses grew stronger in meaning; becoming a little bit messy with need.

 

“Lou, please,” he whispered, twisting his fingers gently into the back of his hair.

 

Louis sank into him with ease. His body fluttered a bit around the tight, hot feel of him but it was _perfect. Louis_ was perfect.

 

He grasped at his hair and huffed out; hips angling into the slide.

 

“Wow,” he managed shakily; breaths laboured.

 

Louis kissed his cheek, easing out.

 

“Good?”

 

Harry nodded; fingertips digging into his shoulder as he looked into his eyes.

 

Louis kept the connection; thrusting in a little this time.

 

“O-oh,” he whimpered; eyes fluttering shut; body squeezing Louis tight inside.

 

“Easy, beautiful,” Louis kissed his top lip, then his bottom one; moving within him again; twisting his hips a little to grind in deep.

 

“Th-that’s...oh god,” he threw his head back; helpless to the feeling.

 

Louis grinned and sucked a kiss into the chest.

 

“Want to always see you,” Louis promised. “God, you look so pretty...”

 

Harry gasped in air and tightened his legs to arch his hips; earning a deeper thrust. It felt like nothing he could describe. Like white hot pokers and the sweetest rain fall on his skin.

 

“Lou,” he clutched at him; weak and vulnerable and in that moment Louis could have ruined him.

 

His body might mend; it had healed from much worse, but his heart wasn't getting out of this unbruised.  Louis was his now and he was undeniably Louis' and nothing else mattered.

 

“Feel good?” Louis whispered, driving into him gently; tempering his own need to afford Harry his.

 

Harry nodded, opened his eyes and let his lips fall open as Louis fucked him; fucked every grain of sense from his brain and every ounce of pleasure from his body.

 

When he came it was so intense it felt like blackout; overwhelming heat mushrooming over his skin and falling in hot splatters; sticky to touch.

 

Louis was kissing him when he came around moments later; flushed and sweaty.

 

“I…I…Lou-” he tried to pull away but he giggled when Louis kept kissing him. “ _Louis_.”

 

Louis paused.

 

Harry opened his eyes; taking in the falling, sweaty fringe and intense eyes of his lover.

 

“Did I do okay?” He whispered.

 

Louis eased out of him and manoeuvred Harry across his lap to cradle him like a baby; gentle kisses pressed lovingly against his forehead.

 

“You're perfect,” he assured. “You’re all that matters,” Louis told him honestly.

 

Harry slid his arms around Louis' shoulders and nosed into his neck as Louis curled him close.

 

//

 

Harry woke up at sunrise; tucked into Louis' side with Louis' arm around him protectively. He leaned up to watch him sleep; thick lashes rested against his cheeks; soft lips parted as he snored quietly.

 

He was like a painting in the hesitant sunlight; tanned and god-like but he had no idea. Harry knew he could accomplish anything he wanted to, he just needed confidence to match his ability.

 

He hoped he’d be the person that got to see Louis realise his dreams.

 

“Lou?” He nudged him gently. “We have to go, soon...”

 

Louis sniffled and curled his other arm around him as he shifted, leaving Harry locked tightly in his arms.

 

“Lou,” he smiled.

 

“Maybe we don’t have to go back,” Louis murmured.  “Maybe they won’t even miss us.”

 

“They won’t miss _me_ ,” Harry derided. “But they’ll miss _you_. We need to feed the lions,” he added.

 

Louis pouted, blinking open his eyes.

 

“Whose idea was it to get pets?”

 

Harry let his lips stretch into a grin, poking at a patch of sore-looking spots on his chest self-consciously.

 

“Um, yours.”

 

“Bailey will need a walk, too,” Louis squeezed him one last time, pressing a kiss into his wild hair.

 

Harry rolled off the bed with an unapologetic shrug, naked long body cast in the orange glow of the new sun.

 

“You told me we could keep him.”

 

“I said that?” Louis arched a brow as he too got up. “Think I was ill that day.”

 

“Think you weren't,” Harry argued.

 

“Think your curls seduced me,” Louis accused.

 

Harry blinked slowly.

 

“Want to shower with me?”

 

There was no way Louis was saying _no_ to that invite.

 

//

 

“We need people patrolling the audience tonight,” Zayn told Ricardo at group dinner the following night; in their new location.

 

Ricardo frowned.

 

“You know something?”

 

“There’s a pick-pocketing gang working round here,” the dark haired man explained. “I heard from the Jefferies boys that their audience got fleeced.”

 

The Jefferies ran a motorcycle stunt show that often crossed paths with their circus. This was Harry’s home town though, the town where it had all started.

 

Harry tensed and shifted in his seat.

 

“You should put signs up to warn people as well.”

 

“And put them off coming inside?” Ricardo chided. “No, we must have our strongest players throwing them out...”

 

Harry nodded, finishing his dinner quietly.

 

//

 

“Oh, look who it is...”

 

“Hey, Sam, look what the Freak Show dragged in.”

 

Harry froze mid-exit to the Big Top, his act flawlessly performed and Louis' proud kiss backstage still burning his lips. He'd pulled Harry behind the awning to kiss him and it had almost gotten them caught but they’d promised not to talk after the curtain call to avoid suspicion.

 

Harry’s eyes flicked around the group of four; one tall like himself and three slight boys. They were wiry though, strong enough to fight. He should know, he used to be one of them.

 

“Thanks for coming to watch me,” Harry said drily.

 

“We came to get paid,” Graham said, the lanky one.

 

Harry shrugged.

 

“Not my problem.”

 

“You told them, didn’t you?” Barry stepped closer, accusingly.

 

Harry glanced behind him. He was a few feet from the entrance to the Big Top; someone was bound to come out sooner or later.

 

“Didn’t need to. Turns out your reputation precedes you...”

 

“Oh, he’s got confident,” the third lad, Mikey sneered, moving to cage him in among the four of them. “I remember when you’d do anything just not to get a lashing...”

 

Harry glanced at him, old fear returning.

 

“I’m not part of your gang anymore,” Harry pointed out. “I’ve got a new place to hang out now.”

 

“Doesn’t mean we can’t still dust you up, you little grasser....” Graham lunged to grasp the front of his costume as Harry faltered to back away.

 

He wasn’t quick enough and despite his new level of fitness and increased strength; he couldn't out-fight four to one.

 

He grappled with Mikey and Graham as Sam jumped in to punch him in the back of the head.

 

“Fuck off, you bastards!” He wriggled as he was held in place; fists impacting his kidneys and stomach in lashing strikes.

_Fuck_.

 

He might not make it out of this unless—

 

“Harry?”

 

The voice was clear and confused. The gang subtly released him; leaving Harry to tighten his hands around Graham’s wrists where the other boy fisted the front of his outfit.

 

Graham brushed away the wrinkles and turned to slide his gaze over the small, tufted-haired boy.

 

He snorted.

 

“And who are you?”

 

Louis tugged on the leather leash grasped in his hands and Teddy padded forward.

 

“I’m the lion tamer,” he introduced. “Who are you?”

 

Teddy roared, straining against his lead.

 

Graham gestured to the others.

 

“Old friends of Harry's,” he licked his lips nervously. “Isn’t he meant to be tame?” He gestured to Teddy with his chin.

 

Louis didn’t bother to tug Teddy back when he lurched forward with a wilder growl; mouth opening wide to signal his threat. Louis' eyes flicked over Harry’s huddled form to check he was okay; relating to his lion's protective response acutely. He too wanted to rip the guys in front of them into shreds.

 

Unfortunately, polite society didn’t allow for murder; no matter how justified.

 

“Did you want to pet him?”  Louis invited of his animal; smirking as the boys took a collective step back when Teddy leaped forward; drawn back by the leash.

 

“We were just leaving,” Sam surmised. “Thanks for the offer...”

 

Harry watched the four of them vanish into the shadows; arms wrapped around his middle. He ventured a cautious look at Louis; hands quivering.

 

“Part of your past?” Louis asked only.

 

Harry nodded, biting his lip and dipping his chin.

 

Louis brought Teddy over with a controlled pace; the big animal brushing against Harry affectionately.

 

“Why didn’t you tell me?” Louis wondered.

 

Harry hitched a breath; heart still racing.

 

“Because the troupe think I’m a thief and I didn’t want to give them another reason to believe it,” he answered too quickly, avoiding Louis' gaze. “I used to steal from people because I was _made_ to,” he whispered. “I never took anything from anyone I knew.”

 

Louis nodded, stepping closer to grasp Harry’s arm.

 

“Are you okay? Did they hurt you?”

 

“I’m okay,” Harry assured shakily.

 

Louis glanced around before kissing his cheek.

 

“I’ll take you back to the van,” he offered.


	11. Chapter 11

Harry had been out in the enclosure helping Louis train Teddy and Felix to use the moving platform when the family meeting was called.

 

Ricardo explained the reason for it all once they were all seated.

 

The takings had gone missing.

 

They'd searched all the vans before the show and the money was found with Harry’s secret stash; along with the money he’d been saving for him and Louis to use.

 

He stood at the head of the table, accused and angry and privately affronted that someone - _Zayn? –_ felt it necessary to frame him this way.

 

“I didn’t take it,” he defended.

 

“Then who did, Bambino?” Ricardo asked.

 

Louis slid out of his seat.

 

“When did the money actually go missing?” He asked the leader out of curiosity.

 

Ricardo frowned.

 

“Two nights ago. In Riverdale.”

 

Louis pursed his lips; heart pattering in his chest.

 

“Then Harry couldn’t have taken it,” he said.

 

Harry glanced at him, brows furrowing in realisation.

 

“Lou-”

 

“He was missing all night,” Ricardo explained. “We have witnesses...”

 

“They can’t have told you the whole story,” Louis continued, looking at Harry with his hair tamed by a headscarf and his cream jumper on over his jeans. “Because I was also missing all night,” he shared. “We were missing _together_.”

 

Harry frowned, glancing from Ricardo to Louis and meeting his soothing blue gaze.

 

“ _What are you doing?_ ” Harry mouthed.

 

“You were together?” Ricardo queried.

 

Louis nodded, then moved the few feet it took to bring him closer to Harry; taking his hand to clasp it boldly. A few troupe members gasped and some made humming noises of agreement.

 

“We _are_ together,” Louis murmured, breathless with fear.

 

Ricardo surveyed them.

 

“You were together the night the takings were stolen,” he surmised. “You couldn’t possibly place the money into hiding so...”

 

The Ring Master glanced down the table.

 

“I have my own money,” Harry added vehemently. “You counted it. I had two hundred pounds of my own. Why would I possibly need more?”

 

Zayn got up at Ricardo's look and sauntered down the table.

 

“For your friends,” he smirked, brown eyes smug.

 

“What friends?” Ricardo asked.

 

Harry felt his tummy dip.

 

“The gang,” Zayn mused. “He used to be one of them. Saw him talking to them last night...”

 

Louis stepped forward.

 

“I was there too,” he defended. “They’re not his friends.”

 

“Then why not just tell us?” Zayn posed. “Why hide it?”

 

Louis was about to open his mouth to answer the accusation when Harry’s voice sounded out; harsh and raspy.

 

“Because I was ashamed, okay? I _hated_ what they made me do. They beat the living shit out of me,” he begged. “Why do you think I ran away? I didn’t want that life anymore!”

 

Louis stared at Ricardo for a long moment.

 

“The truth is I’ve spent every waking and sleeping moment with him for the last few weeks,” he promised. “There's no way he could have taken anything.”

 

Ricardo looked at Harry and then back to Zayn.

 

“Did you place this money in his things?” Ricardo asked openly.

 

Zayn laughed.

 

“How many chances are you going to give him?”

 

Ricardo turned to step closer.

 

“Answer my question.”

 

Zayn pursed his lips, eyes coolly flicking around the table.

 

“He’s a thief, a pick-pocket and you think I set him up?”

 

Ricardo charged forward to grasp Zayn’s arm, hauling him up.

 

“Did you take the money to put in Harry’s things?” He asked again roughly.

 

The air crackled with silent tension, Harry side stepping to lean into Louis' side.

 

Zayn held Ricardo's gaze, flicking his eyes away with a dismissive sigh.

 

“Maybe I did, so what?”

 

“And the ring?” Ricardo shook him.

 

“Let go,” Zayn tried to peel away his bruising fingers.

 

“You lied to us all!” Ricardo roared. “You made us believe that the bambino was the thief!”

 

“He _is_ a thief!” Zayn argued.

 

“Not anymore,” Harry argued vehemently.

 

“You can no longer be trusted,” Ricardo released his grip on Zayn’s arm. “I will not tolerate dishonesty in my troupe.”

 

Zayn stared at Harry; dark eyes boring into him.

 

“The second he got here, he took over,” Zayn pointed out. “He’s had it in for me since day one.”

 

Harry began to quiver, Louis' arm wrapping around his waist.

 

“Lou, we're tight bro. You really gonna pick this princess over me?”

 

Louis shook his head, lips turning down sadly.

 

“We're not tight Zayn. We haven’t been tight for months.”

 

Zayn lifted a brow.

 

“Well who'd have thought,” he mocked. “Scar face got himself a boyfriend. Got himself a sugar daddy,” Zayn goaded.

 

Louis stormed toward him, blocked from gripping him the way he wanted to by Ricardo's strong arm.

 

“Don’t you dare call him that,” Louis hissed.

 

Zayn shrugged leisurely.

 

“Would you rather I called him pretty boy?”

 

Louis pushed Ricardo’s arm away to throw a punch; landing it successfully against Zayn’s cheek.

 

Zayn staggered back; collapsing to the ground more from shock than the force of Louis’ punch.

 

Louis stood over him with a snarl; a strong arm hooking around his waist to coax him away.

 

His knuckles might burn but he wasn’t done yet.

 

“Lou, c'mon,” Harry’s soft, deep voice breathed against his ear.

 

Louis let out an angry breath and deflated a bit; leaning back against the body bracing his.

 

“He deserves a lot worse,” Louis muttered, shaking his hand to abate the throbbing.

 

“Come on, let me take care of that,” Harry rubbed a hand over his tummy gently.

 

Louis huffed and pulled out of his embrace.

 

“Sure,” he conceded tetchily.

 

Harry grasped his good hand and led him away from the fallen boy.

 

//

 

“What would you do if you weren’t in the circus?” Harry asked as he stretched to pull the first aid box out of the high cupboard in the utility trailer.

 

His cream jumper lifted above his jeans waistband; affording a glimpse of his lower back where dimples peeked out enticingly.

 

Louis flexed his hand, testing its tenderness.  _He'd happily take a dip into the back of Harry’s jeans_ , he mused with a lick of his lips. The shooting pain in his knuckles vetoed his plan.

 

“Ouch!” he hissed, resting his palm back on his knee.

 

“Stay still,” Harry murmured as he turned toward him with the medical kit; green eyes concerned.

 

“You shouldn’t look so beautiful then,” Louis mumbled as Harry stepped between his knees, placing the kit beside him on the counter.

 

Harry’s gaze flicked to his face.

 

“You’ve possibly broken your hand hitting a guy you had no need to hit and you’re thinking about sex?”

 

Louis’ fingers tugged at the front of his jumper. “This needs to come off...”

 

Harry smiled at him, cupping his cheek to kiss him gently.

 

“Focus please...”

 

Louis did as he was asked. Harry bit his lip with a dimpled smile as he soaked cotton wool in antiseptic from a glass bottle.

 

“This is going to sting.”

 

Louis' hand remained steady as Harry cleaned the wound; only his face twisting to express his pain.

 

“Ouch,” he whispered again.

 

“Shouldn’t go around hitting people...”

 

“He called you names,” Louis argued. “I was trying to be romantic.”

 

Harry grinned.

 

“Flowers will do next time.”

 

Louis pursed his lips bemusedly.

 

“You want the whole courtship thing?” He asked. “ _Now_?” He added.

 

“Why not now?” Harry shrugged. 

 

“Because we already slept together,” Louis replied pragmatically.

 

Harry lifted his brows, leaning back from Louis' body to sift through the box for dressings. Louis tugged his jumper gently by his hip.

 

“Oh,” Harry hummed deeply.  “So, because I gave it up to you in a hotel room, I don’t deserve flowers?”

 

Louis rolled his eyes.

 

“You deserve the moon and stars, Harry,” he mused. “But I can’t give them to you.”

 

Harry paused, long fingers fiddling with some sealed gauze. His curly lashes fell to his cheeks as his brows furrowed thoughtfully.  Louis watched him swallow.

 

“You-you think I deserve the moon?”

 

Louis cleared his throat.

 

“And stars.”

 

Harry looked at him, lush lips pressing together and releasing; his hair tethered back.

 

“That’s-I...” he blinked, overwhelmed.

 

Louis ran the fingers of his good hand very gently up Harry’s forearm.

 

“Harry, you mean more to me than sex,” Louis murmured earnestly.

 

Harry felt his cheeks burn and smiled happily as he unwrapped the gauze.

 

“You're only saying that to get on my good side,” he teased.

 

Louis' knees hugged his thighs as he carefully bandaged the dressing into place.

 

“Always,” Louis grinned at his accusation.

 

Harry lifted Louis’ hand and placed a soft kiss over the bandage.

 

“Thank you for protecting me.”

 

Louis coaxed him close to cuddle him; Harry settling with a shaky sigh in his arms.

 

“He’s gone now, love,” Louis reassured; cupping the back of his head. “He can’t hurt you anymore.”

 

“There's—so much I should have told you,” Harry mumbled brokenly.

 

“You don’t have to,” Louis promised.

 

Harry pulled back when the trailer door opened; Ricardo climbing up the steps to duck into the room.

 

“What’s the verdict?” He asked.

 

Harry nodded. “It's not broken.”

 

Ricardo came towards them, Louis jumping off the counter to hug the bigger man.

 

“Think you earned your first intro,” Ricardo told him.

 

Louis pulled back from the hug with a confused frown.

 

“What?”

 

“Well I have been thinking lately that I could use less running around and the crowd love you, so, it makes sense to give you what you want,” he conceded.

 

Harry beamed.

 

“That’s amazing! Lou!” He turned to hug him and paused; awkwardly biting his lip.

 

“Oh, go ahead,” Ricardo gestured with a chuckle.

 

Harry curled Louis into his arms with a solid crash.

 

“You did it, Lou. I knew you would.”

 

Louis felt breathless and overwhelmed; brain catching up slowly to reality. A reality where he'd be living his dream.

 

“So,” Ricardo arched a brow at them as they parted.

 

Harry smiled sweetly.

 

“So.”

 

“This,” Ricardo pointed a hand to their joined ones; something they had done without realising it.

 

“It's real,” Louis promised. “At least it is for me...”

 

“It is for me too,” Harry assured.

 

“Then you will want a new van,” he posed.

 

Louis gaped.

 

“You’re splitting us up?”

 

Ricardo laughed, fluttering his hand to dismiss his words.

 

“I am talking about one with a big bed,” he winked.

 

“That would be perfect,” Harry quickly begged.

 

“Can’t have my two best players squeezing into bunks now, can I?” He announced as he turned to sweep away.

 

“So we have your blessing?” Harry checked.

 

Ricardo twisted at the door.

 

“Be happy, Bambino,” he told Harry softly; like he was his teenage son.

 

Harry nodded, gripping Louis' hand more tightly.

 

//

 

“You didn’t answer my question,” Harry mumbled as they lay together in the bottom bunk; tangled and soft.

 

Bailey slept peacefully at their feet.

 

“Which question?” Louis’ fingers filtered through his fluffy fringe.

 

“About what you would do if you weren’t in the circus,” Harry reminded him.

 

Louis wriggled a bit; lips pressing against the edge of Harry's.

 

“Buy you a pretty house to put all your babies and dogs in.”

 

Harry snorted.

 

“Who said I wanted babies?”

 

“You don’t want babies?” Louis mocked.

 

Harry smiled at him a bit shyly; not a smile Louis had seen much of lately since Harry was learning to trust him.

 

“Maybe...when I’m like, twenty-five.”

 

Louis grasped at the seam of Harry's jumper where his hand settled against his side, socked foot trapped between Harry’s bare ankles.

 

“Think we’ll still be together then?” He swallowed, avoiding Harry’s gaze by staring at his chest; the navy blue thick knitted sweater looking cosy and warm on him.

 

Louis felt Harry’s eyes on him; saw his hand lift from his arm to curve around his jaw and cheek.

 

“If you’ll have me.”

 

Louis met his gaze. It was a promise of kinds.

 

“Yeah,” he breathed. “Yeah I will.”

 

Harry’s lips split into a beautiful smile. It tempered a bit when his brows furrowed.

 

“I’m sorry about Zayn,” he offered.

 

Louis sighed.

 

“I’m just sorry he was a dick to you. And that you felt like you couldn’t tell me. Promise me you’ll always tell me even when you’re scared?”

 

Harry bit his lip, eyes dipping.

 

“I can promise I’ll try...”

 

Louis nodded, leaning in to suck a gentle kiss from his lips.

 

“Alright, beautiful.” He murmured.

 

Harry captured his mouth in a longer kiss; lips parting and tongues flicking together as they shuffled closer on the bed; wrapped together in the tight space fully clothed and draped with bed clothes.

 

“Can't wait for our new bed,” Harry grumbled and Louis laughed before cuddling him to sleep.

 

//

 

Teddy wouldn’t budge.

 

His chin was settled between his paws and only his eyes peered up at Louis.

 

“What’s up, bud?” Louis asked.

 

His tummy began to twist anxiously. The two lions had been fine at afternoon stretch and Harry had sat with Teddy while he strummed a guitar he'd procured from Niall; his soft husked tones accompanying Louis' tasks.

 

But now the older animal didn’t want to move. Not even the lure of meat treats could tempt him out of the cage. Which meant he was ill.

 

“Is it your tooth again, Ted?” He wondered aloud. “Let me call Jared,” he murmured, turning toward the cage door to summon the vet.

 

//

 

“Lah dah dadadada-dah-dah-dah-dah...”

 

Harry flicked two oranges and an apple in quick sequence; long fingers easily catching the fruit and manipulating them into another round of juggling to entertain his audience; which consisted of the “dwarves” who performed with Ella’s _Snow White_ \- a contortionist whose slot had been extended to fill in for Zayn.

 

Louis couldn’t help but smile at their rapt faces; Harry’s smile naturally bright and toothy; his blemished skin no longer hidden.

 

“We might need you to go on stage with that,” Louis mused as he approached. 

 

Harry caught the fruit one by one and took an audacious bite of the apple; chewing slowly while he held Louis' gaze.

 

“Hi.”

 

Louis didn’t quite manage a smile.

 

“Hey, beautiful.”

 

The dwarves all “ahh'd” them; dispersing to prepare for their slot.

 

Harry’s hands dropped by his sides.

 

“What’s wrong?” He asked intuitively.

 

Louis swallowed.

 

“I had to call the vet for Teddy again,” he shared gently.

 

Bailey was busy being entertained by the floor acrobats but Louis knew Harry saw the lions as his pets, too.

 

“Will he be okay?” He began to drift closer, carefully returning the uneaten fruit to the troupe children.

 

Louis sighed.

 

“I don’t know,” he admitted honestly with a palpitating heart.

 

Harry frowned and strode forward to envelope him; squeezing him tightly once he had him in his arms.

 

“Lou, I’m sorry,” he whispered.

 

Louis clung to him and absorbed his warmth.

 

“I just- I don’t know what’s best for him anymore,” he shared.

 

Harry pulled away slightly to look at him earnestly.

 

“We can talk about that later,” he promised. “Right now we just need to make sure he’s okay.”

 

Louis nodded but he felt shaky when he stepped away from Harry’s embrace.

 

“I’ll walk you over,” he offered.

 

“You’ll miss your cue,” Louis accused.

 

“Ella's up next followed by Billy,” Harry reminded him. “C'mon, let’s go,” he took Louis' hand to lead the way.

 


	12. Chapter 12

“I’ve been giving him more stuff to chew like you said,” Louis told his friend and colleague.

 

Jared nodded.

 

“You’re doing everything right, Louis,” he assured. “But Teddy’s early life in captivity unfortunately means he's developed issues that wild animals just wouldn’t experience. They might get things stuck in their paw more often though; or fight wounds, so it’s all relative.”

 

Louis fussed Teddy’s hair with his hand while Felix watched on curiously.

 

“Do you think we should retire them?” Louis asked honestly.

 

Jared looked at him for a long moment.

 

“If you keep doing what I’ve suggested then he’ll develop the muscles he needs in his mouth to chew properly and the pressure on his teeth will certainly relieve. But it could take a year or more for it to really improve,” Jared warned.

 

“A year?” Harry stepped forward to ask.

 

Jared twisted to smile at him sadly.

 

“These things don't just change overnight.”

 

Harry crouched to stroke gentle hands over Teddy’s face. He couldn’t help his distress at seeing the animal in pain.

 

“I’m so sorry it hurts,” he mumbled.

 

Teddy ducked away, turning to flop down in the corner where he rested his chin back on his paws with a solemn expression.

 

Harry wanted to lay down beside him but one of the dwarves called him to stage.

 

He moved to squeeze Louis' hand.

 

“I have to go. We’ll talk about it later, okay?”

 

Louis nodded distractedly, worried eyes focusing back on his lions.

 

//

 

“Harry! Harry! Harry!”

 

The crowd had learned his name.

 

He jogged onto the floor with a wave; throwing in a front cartwheel and flip to excite the crowd before he climbed up to his perch.

 

He had a new move to show them tonight; a death fall on the ribbon that he’d been practising all week. Even Louis didn’t know about it and he wouldn’t get to see it because of Teddy’s illness.

 

Harry flew through his routine; the dramatic fall creating the perfect ending to his aerial showcase. It was when he was taking his bow that Bailey broke free from his backstage dog-sitters, leaping up for Harry’s attention.

 

Harry caught him easily with a huge grin; waving at the crowd while Bailey sat under one arm, licking his cheek.

 

The crowd loved him too, almost as much as they loved Louis and the lions but Harry witnessed first hand the disappointment when it was announced that the lion show would not be taking place that night.

 

Ricardo had arranged for Isobel to run an extended horse show to fill the time slot but Harry felt the same heavy weight fill him at not having Louis there, strutting his stuff.

 

He had to wait backstage until the curtain call and then he was free; racing through the park to find his boy.

 

//

 

“Louis?” Harry pulled open the caravan door and rushed inside to look for him.

 

He sighed in annoyance when Louis wasn’t there. He hadn’t been in the enclosure, either and Jared was no longer on site.

 

Harry got changed into jeans and a jumper and grabbed a torch to go looking for him.

 

//

 

Harry carried a folded up blanket and a flask of tea that Isobel had made for him when he’d told her where he was going.

 

He found Louis by an ornate Victorian fountain in the city square, iron railings and period benches with old lamps curling over the seats gracefully.

 

Harry felt something tighten in his chest. Nostalgia. The orphanage had been a thirteenth century monastery; refurbished into a biblical school and finally overhauled to include dorms for the orphans.

 

The quaint brick work and iron finishings weren’t dissimilar to those that surrounded him and he’d never felt like the orphanage was home, but sitting beside Louis _did,_ among the almost-familiar surroundings.

 

He rested the flask between his feet when he sat down; unfolding the blanket to twist enough to reach so that he could drape it over Louis' body.

 

He slipped his arm around his waist and waited.

 

“Why now?” Louis asked, breath billowing into condensation in the cold night air.

 

“Why now, what?” Harry wondered.

 

“I’ve been performing with them for four years,” Louis explained. “No issues. Until now.”

 

Harry rubbed his back.

 

“These things just happen,” he soothed.

 

“But you’re just getting started,” Louis twisted a bit to beseech him. “And if I stop touring then-“

 

Harry blinked. _Shit_. He hadn’t _actually_ considered the consequences. Louis wouldn’t have an act without the animals. He'd get bored just watching even though the troupe would take care of them both; working or not.

 

“Well what if we wait out the year?” He broached. “I can still do the trapeze and you can ask Ricardo to give you more intro’s...”

 

Louis sighed.

 

“What if he’s not okay, even then? And a year of travelling with no shows?” He winced. “It’s just not fair on them. They like the crowds, they enjoy showing off.”

 

Harry smiled.

 

“We have that in common.”

 

Louis looked at him, sliding a hand onto his knee.

 

“Thank you for finding me.”

 

Harry tugged his coat around himself more tightly.

 

“Can we talk about this more in the warm?”

 

Louis nodded with a tug of his lips and followed Harry’s lead back to the circus.

 

//

 

Harry woke up to Louis curled on his chest. His arms had naturally circled the smaller boy protectively and he placed a delicate kiss against his hair.

 

His hand splayed to soothe over his muscled back; pinky stretching out on its own venture; curling to tuck under his hand when he settled it against Louis' hip.

 

“Lou? You awake?”

 

Louis shifted; legs sliding until his foot dipped in between Harry's ankles. His toes were cold. Harry pulled him against his body tightly.

 

“What would you do?” Louis whispered; grasping the front of Harry’s pyjama top in his fist.

 

Harry swallowed. _He didn’t know._ He hadn’t had to face tough decisions for others, before. He’d grown up with only himself to look after.

 

He’d made some bad decisions, too. His circumstances had left him susceptible to being manipulated into believing he didn’t _have_ choices and so he’d accepted the violence of the gang; believing that was all he was worth.

 

Now he had Louis and the troupe. He had strength and faith and-

 

He pressed another kiss to the top of Louis' head.

 

He had _love._

“I-I don’t know,” he breathed when Louis shifted to pin him with his beautiful blue gaze. “It's such a hard decision to make.”

 

Louis swallowed; wriggling up enough to cup Harry’s cheek to kiss him. It was a soft kiss; gentle and sweet and Harry kind of wanted to roll Louis underneath him to peel his clothes off. His body responded to Louis' moans when he twisted to take control.

 

He paused; straddled over his lap; curled hair a soft mess.

 

“Maybe give them a break for a couple of weeks?” He suggested.  “Keep up with the exercises and try them in the show again to see if they can do it.”

 

Louis nodded and let Harry lean down to kiss him harder than before.

 

//

 

“It is time!” Ricardo clapped his hands together beside the breakfast table where Louis and Harry sat thigh-to-thigh, eating a late meal.

 

Louis lifted his chin.

 

“Time for what?”

 

“Come with me!” The boss grinned and Louis glanced at Harry who nodded his acquiesce before getting up.

 

They tangled their fingers together as they walked.

 

Harry glanced over at the shorter boy and felt his tummy tighten. He looked tiny; soft hair tufted and stubble growing out to a beard. He was in jeans and Harry's navy jumper which looked huge on him and all Harry wanted to do was wrap him up.

 

Louis was the strong one. He was the one with the words; who knew what to say and do when Harry floundered.  And yet he looked so young. So vulnerable. Harry’s heart stuttered; his whole chest ached.

 

He hadn’t ever seen Louis look so afraid before, but it affirmed how he felt. He’d travel to the ends of the earth to protect him. And Louis should probably know that. He should probably tell him soon.

 

“Ta-da!” Ricardo gestured to a large caravan which had balloons tied to the railings of the steps and a “New Home” banner taped to the door.

 

Harry looked at Louis, confused.

 

“This is ours?” He checked with Ricardo.

 

Ricardo nodded excitedly.

 

“Go inside! I think you will like it...”

 

Louis shifted to press a hand onto Harry’s lower back to guide him up the steps. Harry opened the door and squeezed inside. Only it wasn’t a squeeze at all. It was lush.

 

The kitchen area was fully equipped; the van had it's own toilet and the seating area was cosy with comfy sofas.

 

“Where’s the beds?” Harry wondered.

 

Ricardo rushed up the steps behind them.

 

“Through that door!” He pointed down the hall in the opposite direction. “Go and look!”

 

Louis led the way, trailing into the spacious room with Harry’s fingers threaded through his.

 

It was incredible. A double bed centred the room; built in wardrobes on each side with matching bedside tables; all in wooden finish. The bed was dressed with a duvet and pillows in mint green covers and pretty pink rose petals were scattered over the cover; the bouquet nestled between the pillows along with a box of chocolates.

 

“It is nice, hm?” Ricardo squeezed Louis' shoulder.  “Romantic!”

 

Louis blinked, mouth agape.

 

“This is really ours?” He checked and Ricardo laughed heartily.

 

“You best test out the bed,” he winked, making Harry blush and duck his chin. “We would not want to have any unfortunate accidents!”

 

Harry huffed and turned to wrap his arms around the older man.

 

“Thank you,” he whispered meaningfully. “Thank you so much.”

 

“Ah, you are young and in love,” Ricardo teased. “Just do not argue,” he added with a smile. “I cannot put you back easily.”

 

“We won't,” Louis promised; looking up at Harry.

 

Harry smiled.

 

“Not without making up,” he added softly.

 

They’d left Bailey with Niall who was rehearsing early but as they moved their things across to their new van; the spotty dog came bounding through the park to find them.

 

“Hey!” Harry lifted him up to earn a face full of licks. He’d had his stitches taken out and his fur was growing back over his scars; he almost looked all better if you didn’t know his past.

 

Louis petted him quickly.

 

“We’ve got a new home, Bailey. You’re going to love it.”

 

Harry grinned at Louis a bit.

 

“I can’t believe Ricardo gave us this place,” his eyes flicked around the space as they climbed up the steps.

 

Harry put Bailey down to sniff about.

 

Louis doubled back from placing down boxes and slipped his arms around his waist. He swallowed.

 

“Can’t wait to try out the bed.”

 

Harry arched a brow.

 

“Yeah?”

 

Louis nodded, a smirk tugging at the edge of his lips.

 

“Won’t have your gangly legs kicking me in the night anymore...”

 

Harry slid his fingers along Louis' jaw, his pinky stretching below his ear while his thumb grooved up his cheek.

 

“Didn’t hear you complaining when my gangly legs were wrapped around you,” he murmured in a deep voice; sucking a kiss from Louis' lips.

 

“Did I say gangly?” Louis mumbled against his lips; hands tightening into his jumper to pull it upwards. “I meant _gorgeous_ ,” he added with a smug smile as he pulled the jumper off.

 

Harry smiled back and kissed him deeply; backing him towards their new bedroom door.

 

//

 

“O-oh...”

 

Apparently; Louis could still render Harry speechless. _Not so surprising, maybe_. Harry clenched around him to curb the—

 

_Fuck._

His muscles fluttered; a moan ripped hoarsely from his throat.

 

“Beautiful;” Louis whispered with a longing kiss; hand cupping his face.

 

He swallowed, pressing his kiss- swollen lips against Louis’; undulating his hips experimentally.  Riding Louis was _nothing_ like riding a horse.

 

Louis gasped; hands tightening into his waist to hold him. Harry’s thighs were taut from holding himself up but when he sat back; the sensation was worth the strain.

 

“Need you,” Harry’s desire ravaged voice begged.

 

Louis wrapped his arms around him and bent his knees; cuddling him in close. Their resulting kiss was scorching hot; nowhere near nurturing and tender like their embrace. Harry clung to his shoulders with all the strength he had left.

 

“Lou, please,” he whispered; sliding over him once more and rocking his hips with a whimper.

 

Louis waited until Harry had lifted himself; gently flicking his hips as he sank down. Their bodies clashed in a gentle bump; Harry’s head thrown back with a loud cry. Louis sucked a kiss into his neck.

 

“Heyyy,” Harry whispered with a furrow of his brows. “Everyone's going to see that,” he tried to press his thumb into the skin to wipe away the reddening mark but he only whimpered and twisted his hips.

 

Louis surged into him gently.

 

“Like the bed, beautiful?” He rasped. “Hm?”

 

Harry gasped out a ‘yes’ that had far more to do with the way he was sitting back to let Louis fill him; his body quivering to keep hold of Louis inside.

 

He ground down; knees nudging tighter into Louis’ sides, thumbs pressing over Louis' peaked nipples as he shifted for another kiss; messy and hot.

 

“Want to feel you,” he begged breathily; flicking his tongue to earn a deeper kiss.

 

They'd both gotten tested; both were clean and this was their first time _without._ It felt like their first time. Harry could still remember the excitement of booking a hotel and the way Louis was strong _and_ sweet. He could remember how special it had been; waking in his arms _after._

Louis nodded his agreement to Harry’s request; flexing his hips in short, quick succession as his fingers curled around him to stroke slowly; in that mind blowing way he liked to.

 

Harry gripped his fingers over the top of Louis' and changed the pace; adjusted the tightness of his grip and let out a huffed, happy laugh of disbelief as his orgasm raced for its peak.

 

Louis let out a few breathy “ah's” and squeezed his digits tight around Harry’s heat as the pleasure overcame him; fast and unexpected as Harry clenched around him delicately.

 

Louis grasped the back of his neck gently to force a rough kiss to his lips as his body peaked; hips thrusting upwards in tiny, quick jolts; his seed shooting into Harry’s body.

 

Harry clung tightly to him and choked out breathily at the feeling; his own sticky release spurting over Louis' hand and into his body; their lips only parting to gasp in air before they sealed again; hard and desperate. Desperate to convey how they felt in that moment; intense and real.

 

Louis’ grip on the back of his neck softened; the knuckles of his other hand trailing gently across his cheek before it dipped to trace fingertips down his spine making him shiver.

 

Louis felt where they connected and earned a deep hum of satisfaction and a shift of Harry’s hips. He kissed him again slowly and caressed his thigh as it quivered under the strain.

 

“Always so beautiful,” Louis told him.

 

 _I love you,_ Harry hummed it in his throat as he pressed himself close for another kiss. 

 

//

 

Harry was incredibly graceful.

 

Louis didn’t usually get the chance to watch him among the crowd, his viewing privileges usually resigned to practices. Tonight he was getting to watch him in his element.

 

The crowd's delighted “oohs” and gasped “aahs” were peppered with applause and Louis knew; he _knew_ Harry was amazing but getting to see him like this; front row with the stunned children and awed adults; Louis felt pride surge into his chest.

 

“C'mon, beautiful,” he muttered as Harry worked up to his finale; body pushing to and fro on the swing to gain enough momentum to boost him the distance to his ribbon where he'd grasp on and clamp his thighs around the silky sheath to slide down fast enough to create the illusion of a death-drop; the stunning end to his show.

 

Harry swung; his body catapulted from the swing and launched majestically; long seconds spent flying through the air.

 

The ribbon was there; Louis' eyes flicked to check, tongue slicking over his upper lip nervously.

 

“Come on, Butterfly,” he whispered, squeezing his eyes shut the second before Harry reached the ribbon because he couldn’t _quite_ bring himself to watch.

 

Harry may have completed the routine enough times to know his landing but Louis hadn’t ever had to watch him fall.

 

The gasps that surrounded him turned to shrieks. He snapped his eyes open to see Harry _falling._ Not in the way he should; sliding down his ribbon expertly into the pitch black of the stage but star-fished and awkward; lithe body disappearing as the circus lights went down.

 

_Fuck!_

“Harry!”

Louis jumped up; adrenaline pumping into his veins as he sprinted toward the net; begging for Harry to be ensconced in it.

 

_Fuck, fuck, fuck!_

 

It was dark on stage; the crowd going wild with speculation and Louis didn’t register the troupe players running out to reassure them. His eyes darted about in the dark until he found him; long body lain still in the netting.

 

_Thank God. He was okay...Harry was okay!_

“Louis!” Ricardo waved him over and he paused by the net edge; brows furrowing.

 

“Why isn’t he moving?” He checked Ricardo's face for signals.

 

Ricardo curled a hand around his shoulder and all Louis could hear was the fear roaring in his ears.

 

“W-Wh—”

 

Louis froze when he made out the gulped sob; Harry curling in on himself.

 

Shit. _Oh shit._

 

Louis gripped the edge of the net and inelegantly pulled himself up; crawling across the rough ropes to get to his boy.

 

“Harry...fuck, are you okay?” Louis tried to cradle him but the motion of the net wasn’t helping him.

 

He laid down instead; wriggling closer to coax Harry into his arms. One hand cupped the back of his head while he soothed the other over his back.

 

“Did you hurt yourself?” Louis asked him; breath catching as he pressed a heartfelt kiss into his curls.

 

Harry shook his head, curling more tightly into his arms.

 

“Hey...hey, you’re alright,” Louis murmured.  “You’re okay...”

 

“Louis, Harry, you need to move,” Ricardo called out sharply as Louis' surroundings came back into focus now that Harry was safe in his arms.

 

“But-”

 

“The lights are going up and Isobel is getting the horses ready while I calm down the audience. But you need to get Harry out of here...”

 

Louis nodded and climbed to the edge of the net; helping Harry down carefully before leading him backstage with an arm around his waist.


	13. Chapter 13

Harry shivered; arms wrapped around Louis' shoulders as Louis tried to tuck them away into a quiet corner away from the panic. He'd snagged a blanket from Isobel and he gently arranged it over Harry’s back; squeezing him tight while he caught his breath.

 

Harry pressed himself closer to Louis’ warmth; squeezing his eyes shut as tightly as Louis held him.

 

He was safe now; but he’d been so scared. He’d been so scared he wouldn’t make it to the net to land.

 

“I love you,” he whispered, lips brushing Louis' ear before he pulled back enough to kiss him; lips clinging desperately to the soft feel of Louis' mouth.

 

Louis kissed him back; reassuring Harry that he really was okay and that he was still in this with him; that he wanted to be in this with him for a long time to come.

 

Blue eyes framed with impossibly long lashes regarded him.

 

“I love you too,” Louis promised.

 

Harry smiled with tears in his eyes; gasping in air.

 

“I thought I’d missed my landing,” he gulped, sniffling. “And all I could think about was that I hadn’t told you,” he bit his lip. “I hadn’t told you how I felt and—”

 

“Shh,” Louis cupped his cheek before pulling him back against his body. “I know,” his lips brushed Harry’s hair as he spoke. “You don’t have to say it for me to know...”

 

Harry clutched him tightly and refused to let go.

 

//

 

“Hello, stranger,” the voice was quiet and came through the dark.

 

Louis had left the caravan only to take Bailey for his walk and to check on the lions on his way around.

 

Bailey had spent the night in Harry’s lap while the younger boy slept; cuddled into Louis vulnerably.

 

He narrowed his lashes as he swung his gaze around the tree-strewn clearing. The shadowed figure stepped into the lamplight.

 

“Zayn?”

 

His hair was longer and he had a beard but it was the sane skinny boy Louis had once been close to.

 

Zayn chuckled.

 

“Did you think I’d forgotten?” He asked.

 

Louis frowned; anger rising in his chest.

 

“You made your own bed, Zayn,” Louis pointed out. “What are you doing here?”

 

Bailey growled a bit; stood rigid by Louis' leg.

 

“Easy boy,” Louis murmured.

 

Zayn eyes flicked over the dog, tongue pressing hard into his lower lip to swipe it.

 

“He probably remembers me,” Zayn smirked. “Bet your pretty girlfriend told you that.”

 

Louis fastened his gaze on Zayn’s face; body tensing much like Bailey’s.

 

“What do you want?”

 

Zayn wandered out from the trees; hands jammed in his jacket pockets as he looked up to the sky.

 

“Can’t get what I want,” he snarled, unpocketing his hands to advance on Louis. “I want to crush that fucking butterfly, yeah?” He husked as he grasped the front of Louis' jacket in his bony hands; dragging him close.

 

Louis dropped Bailey's leash and shunted at Zayn’s chest to push him off.

 

“What’s your fucking problem?” He roared, tumbling onto the ground to wrestle with the other boy. “You fucking jealous, Zee?”

 

Zayn rolled on top of Louis; slapping him across the cheek. Bailey barked loudly behind them; teeth sinking into Zayn’s ankle to pull him off.

 

“Get off, you little sh-“

 

Louis punched him in the face as he twisted to strike the dog.

 

“Don’t fucking touch him,” he warned; pinning him down to punch him again. “You almost fucking killed him!” He added. “Harry hasn’t done _anything_ to you!”

 

“Louis!”

 

Louis punched twice more before Liam and Niall came running over; heavy feet thundering into the fore to drag the pair of them apart.

 

Louis’ knuckles were coated in the blood seeping from the cut on Zayn’s cheek and above his eye; blood streaming from his nose as Niall stood over him protectively while Liam pulled Louis' arms behind his back.

 

“Lou...what’re you doing?” Liam breathed as Louis struggled against his restraint.

 

“He tried to hurt Harry!” Louis yelled. “It’s his fault he fell!”

 

Liam glanced at Zayn; still drowsy from the impact of Louis’ violence.

 

“C'mon,” Liam manoeuvred him towards the camp. “Let's get you cleaned up before Harry sees...”

 

“Wait,” Louis swallowed, digging his feet into the ground. “Where’s Bailey?”

 

Bailey trotted over from where he'd been cowering under the trees; woofing his loyalty as he followed Louis and Liam back to camp.

 

//

 

Louis fell asleep in Liam’s bunk; wearing borrowed joggers and a t-shirt from Niall when he’d come back from wherever he'd taken Zayn.

 

Niall went to knock on Harry's van door while Liam kept watch over Louis; his split knuckles now bandaged up and his bruised cheekbone iced.

 

“Hey,” Harry frowned at finding Niall there. His eyes widened in sudden realisation. “Is Louis okay?”

 

Niall smiled.

 

“You should probably come with me,” he suggested.

 

Harry quickly followed him.

 

“Is-is everything okay?” Harry asked as they walked towards Liam and Niall’s van. “What happened? Where’s Bailey?”

 

“Easy champ,” Niall rubbed his back soothingly. “Everything’s fine. Well sorta. Bailey’s back at the van with your Lou,” he assured.

 

Harry let put a relieved breath, then asked:

 

“What do you mean sort of?”

 

Niall chuckled and led Harry up the steps to his van, flinging open the door to let them both inside.

 

//

 

Harry’s eyes flicked around the room; fastening on the sleeping form in the bottom bunk. Louis' hand bore a bandage and his face looked bruised.

 

“Lou,” he breathed with a furrow of his brows.

 

Niall offered to check on the lions as Harry crouched to greet a tired looking Bailey. They’d been missing most of the night while Harry drifted in and out of sleep; not quite alert to how long they’d been gone.

 

He felt guilt tighten over his chest at not being there when Louis needed him.

 

He looked at Liam.

 

“What happened?” He begged; standing up with Bailey in his arms.

 

“Zayn came back;” Liam swallowed. “He told Louis it was him who sabotaged your routine...he wanted you to fall,” he sighed.

 

Harry’s lips parted; eyes shifting back to Louis.

 

“Where’s he now?”

 

“Niall got him to a doctor...” Liam cleared his throat. “Lou beat him up pretty bad.”

 

Harry winced for the pain Louis had put himself through in defending him; an unnecessary risk to his welfare considering it was _Harry_ that Zayn wanted hurt.

 

He swallowed.

 

“Do you think he’ll come back?” He asked the brown eyed man.

 

Liam lifted a brow.

 

“The state he was in? I doubt it...”

 

Harry nodded and strode forward, settling Bailey gently to the floor. He looked over his shoulder.

 

“Can I sit with him until he wakes up?”

 

Liam nodded.

 

“I’ll make some tea.”

 

//

 

The thing about fighting was that no matter which part of you got hit; your whole body hurt afterwards.

 

Louis hadn’t fought in a while. The odd street scrap or drunken scuffle didn't exactly equate to his short-lived career as a bare-knuckle fighter.

 

He’d been too small really, but he’d been capable. He'd have fought to the death back then. Luckily for him, taking care of two baby lions had changed his outlook on life and he’d found a troupe who accepted his soft side.

 

But he’d let his anger get the better of him last night and he didn’t want to open his eyes to a day where he might lose Harry because of his temper. He clenched his teeth in regret; wincing as the pressure caused pain to bloom in his cheek from where Zayn had hit him.

 

“Fuck,” he rasped, flinging himself onto his back.

 

He blinked a few times to orientate himself; the gentle pressure of Harry’s fingertips digging into his shins being his next sensation.

 

Harry peeked at him; a rolled up neckerchief holding back his hair.

 

“Hi.”

 

Louis swallowed on a dry throat; twisting fully to comfort himself. He flexed his hand and then hissed at the sting.

 

“Hey, beautiful,” Louis greeted with a rueful tilt of his lips.

 

Harry’s hand moved to circle his ankle, his other lifting to brush a delicate thumb over his bandage; clasping his hand somewhat.

 

“Are you okay?” Harry asked.

 

Louis nodded, just once.

 

Harry bit his lip.

 

“I thought you were just with the lions,” he murmured.  “I didn’t know you were in trouble...”

 

Louis recognised he wasn’t the only one who felt guilty.

 

“I uh...I may have bumped into Zayn,” he offered.

 

Harry smiled.

 

“I heard.”

 

“I may have bumped into him a few times, actually,” he sighed. “Enough times to break his nose and split my knuckles...”

 

Harry blinked with a gulp. Louis knew he hated violence. He'd looked scared when Louis hadn’t even intended to scare him. What would he make of his ability to beat a guy to a pulp?

 

“He fiddled with my ribbon, didn’t he,” he stated more than asked.

 

“Bitter little shit,” Louis mumbled. “If he shows his face here again then-”

 

“Lou,” Harry was frowning at him but maybe he shouldn’t have worn his mohair jumper because he still looked incredible beautiful; even with tiredness lining his eyes and stretching his skin across his face tightly.

 

Louis sat up, shifting over. Harry’s hands smoothed over his legs; hugging them.

 

“I’m so sorry, beautiful,” he whispered, his mouth a tight line. He clenched his teeth again and ignored the pain. “Is it over?”

 

Harry glanced at him; his frown deepening.

 

“Over?”

 

Louis licked his lips.

 

“You don’t want to be with a guy who can belt the living daylights out of someone,” he derided with an eye roll.

 

Harry stared at him to the point he felt like he might actually be dreaming.

 

“Come here, Louis,” he reached out to bring Louis closer; straddling his lap so he could kiss him sweetly; thumb ghosting over his bruise cautiously.

 

Louis blinked at him in confusion but didn’t question it; kissing him back with equal tenderness.

 

Harry laid his hand against Louis' chest.

 

“I’ve never been afraid of you.”

 

Louis tucked his hair back.

 

“I’d never hurt you, that’s why...”

 

“You make me feel safe,” he implored. “I never-I didn’t know how that felt until _you_ protected me...”

 

Louis cupped his face in both hands; thumbs pressing into his cheeks. It used to make Harry squirm when he did that; used to make his tummy squiggle nervously at letting him see, letting him _feel._ But now he felt secure that Louis was only appreciating him the way he knew how.

 

They kissed again; slowly.  Their lips dragged together as Harry grasped his arms to keep his hands there. The bandage brushed his skin and Louis adjusted his hand to comfort himself; their tongues lathing as the kiss deepened.

 

“Um,” Liam’s voice pierced their moment; an awkward throat clearing sounding afterwards.

 

“Love you so much,” Harry told Louis anyway.

 

Louis smiled at him.

 

“Love you too.”

 

“Anyone want tea?” Liam asked behind them as Bailey jumped up on the bed to greet Louis with a wildly wagging tail and excited huffs.

 

“Hey, here’s the champ!” Louis cuddled Bailey to his chest to receive his doggy kisses.

 

Harry smirked as he curled his hands around Louis’ thighs.

 

“Don’t say that, he’s given all that up...”

 

Louis arched a brow.

 

“He took a chunk out of Zayn’s ankle to protect me,” he shared.

 

Liam brought over some tea and Harry petted Bailey to calm him enough to sit.

 

“He bit Zayn?” Liam mused. “Well trained.”

 

“Probably remembers him,” Louis murmured; blowing on his hot drink before taking a sip. “Mmm...”

 

Harry’s eyes lit up at that, thumbs pressing into his thighs.

 

“Stop moaning,” he complained lightly.

 

Louis tilted his face a bit.

 

“Yeah?”

 

“Can you two go back to your own van now?” Liam tutted.

 

Harry giggled, taking his offered tea. 

 

“I’ll drink this quick,” he promised.

 

“Come on, Liam,” Louis twisted to sit on the edge of the bed. “We're love’s young dream. Don’t be a sourpuss...”

 

“I’m not being-”

 

“Ignore him,” Harry poked Louis gently in the side.  “We'll leave you alone now,” he added as he slid to the edge of the bed to get up.

 

Louis stretched and Harry watched him; teacup in his hand to prevent him from wrapping Louis into a hug. He coughed.

 

“Okay, thanks for looking after Lou,” he moved to rinse out his cup.

 

“You might want to check it later,” Liam suggested of his wound.

 

“Had worse,” Louis assured as he drifted towards the door; looping Bailey’s lead around his wrist.

 

“Be careful,” Liam counselled as they descended the steps.

 

//

 

Harry's arms quivered as they held his weight; Louis pressed flush to his back and thrusting into him in the kind of way he might if they’d had a fight and this was the angry sex they had _after._

Neither of them were angry at each other.

 

The water in the shower was hot to the point of burning his skin pleasantly; not hot enough to mark, but he was pink with the heat from the steam billowing around them as well as the thickness of Louis' heat within him; hips grinding back for more of that.

 

All he could focus on was the way Louis hands were splayed over his chest and belly; fingertips biting into his skin. The biting kisses against the back of his neck. The way Louis reached down to tug at him between pinching his nipple and rubbing his chest.

 

Louis gasped against his shoulder blade; hand dipping to part his thighs some more. Harry shifted his feet wider and resettled; breath catching in his throat when Louis pressed his hands against the wall and screwed him beautifully hard.

 

He couldn’t cling onto the rapidly vanishing tendrils of his control; breaths gasping out among deepened pants and body quivering with the need to let go. Louis was so hot; so perfect and he wanted to stay like that forever.

 

“Close, hm?” Louis teased him huskily; hand wrapping around his aching dick.

 

“Lou,” he begged weakly, toes twisting inwards at the sensation of Louis crowding him in. He couldn’t escape; his heat was everywhere; rolling over his body from the inside out. He couldn’t hold back his loud, abandoned cry as he spurted; body wracked with the tremors of his orgasm

 

“Good?” Louis murmured; slipping out of his still-clenched muscles to stroke himself off; spattering stickily over his ass cheeks.

 

Harry sagged against the wall; shaky arms giving way. Louis held him up with a kiss to his shoulder.

 

“We should get some rest,” he lamented softly.

 

Harry smiled and twisted; hugging him tightly with a kiss to his cheek.

 

“Sounds good,” he promised.

 

//

 

Harry lovingly redressed Louis' hand in the utility van; a sense of deja-vu about the activity which neither of them mentioned.

 

Harry’s green eyes warmed in silent memory as he carefully cleaned the cut and wrapped it up over-cautiously; or so _Louis_ claimed. Harry argued that you could never be _too_ cautious.

 

Louis pulled him between his thighs where he sat up on the counter; trapping him by connecting his ankles behind his knees.

 

They kissed until one of the dwarves came looking for a plaster; teasing them for getting caught.

 

Harry had huffed and rolled his eyes; pulling Louis away by their joined hands.

 


	14. Chapter 14

“I think I may have found something…” Louis let himself into the lion’s cage; clutching an A4 sheet of paper.

 

Harry was leaning against Teddy; back against his belly with his knees bent; deeply focused on his book.

 

“Hm?”

 

Louis bit his lip nervously and petted Felix; wandering over to stroke over Teddy’s nose.

 

“Like a place for lions,” he added nervously as he curled to sit beside Harry.

 

Harry glanced at him and closed his book.

 

“What kind of place?”

 

Louis looked into his trusting gaze.

 

“A retirement home, of sorts. It’s in France so they’d go by train in a big box and it's like a huge reserve.  It’s in the South so it’s really warm a lot of the time and the animals look really healthy...”

 

Harry tugged at the slip of paper in Louis’ hand and laid his book to the side; eyes trailing over his face.

 

“You’re sure about this?” He asked as his eyes scanned over the printout.

 

It had been four weeks since Louis had decided to rest the lions; extended from the original two because training hadn’t gone to plan when Felix started getting aggressive; a carry-over from their release.

 

“No,” Louis admitted with a swallow.

 

Harry swapped the paper to his left hand and laced their fingers together.

 

“You don’t have to decide now...”

 

Louis glanced over his shoulder at Teddy and stroked Felix when he roamed closer for attention. His heart clenched in his chest.

 

“They can sense something isn’t right,” he murmured.

 

Harry read the information on the Braveheart Rescue Centre and felt a lump swell in his throat. It sounded _perfect._ They could go and take a look at the place before they made a decision; giving them time to change their minds.

 

“When can we go and have a look?” Harry asked.

 

Louis brushed his thumb over Harry’s hand gently.

 

“I asked Ricardo for a couple of days. Winter's right around the corner so we can go in a few weeks; after the last show of the summer run.”

 

In the winter, the troupe protected the animals from the cold and holed up using their summer earnings until spring rolled around. Many of them found other work; part time jobs or seasonal shifts to boost their income.

 

Harry hadn’t thought about his life _without_ the circus.

 

“I need to find a place to stay,” he realised suddenly. “Ricardo stores all the vans over the winter doesn’t he?”

 

Louis nodded.

 

“He gets them all checked over by his mechanic.”

 

Harry nodded with a swallow. _Shit_. He was homeless.

 

“Fuck.”

 

Louis tugged his hand.

 

“You’re coming home with me aren’t you?” He asked.

 

Harry stared at him. Louis had a _home?_

“Y-you...?”

 

Louis smiled.

 

“Yeah. I call my Mum from the pay phone every week, but just to warn you, she nags me every day I'm home about running away to the circus...”

 

Harry frowned, eyes drinking in the sight of his happy Louis.

 

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

 

Louis shrugged with a bashful smile.

 

“Didn’t want to rub it in since you...well, you know,” he sighed.

 

Harry nodded, sinking his upper teeth into his lower lip.

 

“It’s really amazing that you’ve got a family Louis,” he assured; twisting to slide his fingers over his jaw; his little one parting wide like usual. “You’re so lucky to be loved.”

 

“You’re loved,” Louis quickly rushed to say; pressing a kiss to Harry’s plump lips. “You’re really loved.”

 

Harry dimpled with a shy smile.

 

“We'll see if your Mum feels the same way,” he mused.

 

“I’ve uh...I’ve been telling her about you,” Louis admitted. “When I call. She-well, she knows about us, okay?”

 

Harry swallowed. His guardians had never known who he was dating. Most of the time they hadn’t even known what he got up to. The gymnastics were taught at the on-site school but the only time they’d cared about him _outside_ the orphanage walls was when he was brought home in a Police car.

 

He couldn’t remember how many times it had happened; caught on the nick or fighting with the gang.

 

The truth was; he didn’t miss it. He only missed the anonymity when things felt like too much. Like now; as he kissed Louis' mouth with a hunger he couldn’t explain.

 

“Okay,” he breathed as he pulled away.

 

//

 

“Mum?” Louis wandered into the house, dropping his holdall in the hallway. He'd expected Jay to be on the front porch with open arms.

 

Harry crept in behind him; their hands linked and Harry's free hand grasping his wrist nervously.

 

Bailey was already rushing along the hallway with a yapping bark in excitement; clueing Jay off to their arrival.

 

“Oh, you’re home already!” Louis heard a voice from the kitchen and aimed for the arched doorway; tugging Harry with him.

 

He was greeted with his overwhelmed mother and a freshly iced cake on the counter.

 

“Boo bear!” Jay hugged him tightly as Bailey shook himself at their feet; Louis letting go of Harry’s hand to hug her back.

 

“Hi, Mum. Less of the embarrassing nicknames if you don’t mind...”

 

“Boo?” Harry echoed with a snort, bending to stroke their dog and herd him out of the way.

 

“Oh, you must be Harry!” Jay unlatched from Louis to squeeze him instead; his taller form no challenge to a mother's arms. She stepped back to grasp his arms. “You’re _very_ good looking aren’t you?” She accused.

 

Harry's fingers pushed against his cheek; his warm grey scarf only covering his jawline.  He tugged it up a bit.

 

“I’m really not _that-_ “

 

Jay squeezed his arm.

 

“You’re gorgeous,” she assured, eyes twinkling as she glanced at Louis. “I can see why he’s been talking about you all this time...”

 

Harry’s brows rose as his lips fell open.

 

“Um...for how long, would you say?”

 

Louis tutted and went to cut in just as Jay answered openly;

 

“Ooh, about six months?”

 

Harry stared at Louis. That was when he joined the troupe .

 

“You liked me from the start?”

 

Louis rolled his eyes and moved to sit at the kitchen table; gesturing for Bailey to sit by his feet.

 

“Can we get some of this cake then?” He asked to avoid Harry’s question. Harry moved to sit beside him; long fingers sprawling over his knee.

 

“Why didn’t you say anything?” He mumbled as Jay went into a frenzy to make tea and serve the cake.

 

Louis turned to study Harry’s face. His hair curled in thick ringlets at his neckline; usually interspersed with the thread of his chosen headscarf but he’d dressed smart today; wearing his best Sunday trousers and a lovely thick, textured knitted jumper in aubergine that Isobel had gifted him. His boots were a bit scuffed but he planned to buy new ones as soon as he got the chance.

 

His hair was messily parted but when he smiled he looked wholesome with his wide green eyes and curly lashes.

 

Harry wouldn’t ever understand why Louis felt intimidated at first; overwhelmed by his beauty.

 

“Because I wasn’t sure you liked me back,” he admitted. “I was a total dick that first day and…”

 

Harry’s little finger slid down to run along the groove of the seam in his jeans; his lips pressing against Louis' cheekbone lovingly as his eyes squeezed shut.

 

“I liked you, too,” he breathed; their gazes clinging.

 

“Right, you two,” Jay delivered their drinks. “Tell me all the latest gossip...”

 

“Oh, I hope you don’t mind but I brought the lions home, Mum,” Louis joked; earning a horrified gasp from his mother who swatted him when he grinned.

 

She brought over two plates of cake; Harry’s slice evidently thicker than Louis'.

 

“Harry doesn’t play tricks on me,” Jay winked at Harry when Louis complained. “Where are the lions though?” She checked. “And who’s this?” She checked of the dog.

 

“Arti at the zoo put them in a holding pen for a couple of weeks. I’m going to go and look after them there. And this is Bailey, our dog. Harry rescued him.”

 

“Oh, I’m just a hotel again then,” she rolled her eyes teasingly as she reached under the table to stroke the Staffordshire Terrier.

 

“Hey, I brought Harry _and_ a dog,” he argued. “They'll keep you company.”

 

Harry nodded as he licked chocolate frosting off his lips; still a crumbed, sticky mess.

 

“I’ll keep you company,” he vowed.

 

“That’s very kind of you, Harry.” Jay smiled at him.

 

Harry smiled back; chocolate circling his mouth as he hesitated on his second bite of cake.

 

“See, he’s well trained, unlike me,” Louis smarted.

 

Jay sat back with an arch of her brow.

 

“So, Harry, where are you from?” Jay asked.

 

Louis licked his lips nervously and shook his head a bit at his Mum. Harry gently put his cake back on the plate and wiped his mouth with the paper napkin he’d been given.

 

“Actually, I’m from Cheshire,” he explained. “I grew up in an orphanage. My Mum was a single mother who left when I was two, so when Ricardo gave me the chance to join the troupe, I jumped at it.”

 

He sipped his tea, glancing at the woman with the beautiful features and kind eyes.

 

“I didn’t really think about what would happen when I wasn’t touring,” he admitted gently.

 

“Well, you’re welcome here, love,” Jay assured. “At least _someone_ likes my baking,” she added in chastisement to Louis.

 

Harry grinned at his boyfriend, smudging some icing from the plate to lick off onto his tongue; fingertip sucked into his mouth.

 

Louis huffed.

 

“You two can just carry on _bonding_ while I take our bags up and call Arti to check the boys settled in okay,” he stood up indignantly.

 

Harry laughed as he attempted to stomp away.

 

//

 

Harry blinked at Louis lazily while Louis combed tender fingers through his fringe.  His hand was almost healed now and he hadn’t mentioned the fight to Jay.  There was no need to worry her the way that Harry worried. He worried that Zayn might come back again. He worried that Louis might get _seriously_ hurt.

 

His mother deserved relief from her worry; Harry could sense that. Having Louis home settled her frantic nervousness; if she knew the dangers of circus life, she might never allow him to leave again.

 

“God, you’re beautiful.”

 

Harry flicked his eyes away with a bashful smile.

 

“Shush.”

 

Louis kissed his mouth.

 

“I will _not_ shush,” he argued loudly.

 

“Louis!” Harry chuckled; cuddling him in. “This is nice. Stop ruining it...”

 

Louis' fingertips found one of his curls to spring.

 

“I looked at trains to Provence,” he murmured.  “We can go next weekend.”

 

Harry’s eyes darted to his.

 

“Does your Mum know?”

 

Louis nodded. “Told her before we got home.”

 

 _Home._ Harry stared at him. His home was beside Louis but the other boy spoke of home more literally; where he slept at night. Louis’ house did feel like home. They could share a room just like in the van except it was warmer and cosier and Jay was lovely.

 

“Is she okay with us going?”

 

Louis rolled his eyes.

 

“I’m twenty years old.  You don’t strike me as someone who had to ask permission before you did something,” he added softly.

 

Harry kissed him.

 

“You’ve got a wonderful Mum.”

 

Louis smiled.

 

“I asked and she said it’s okay.”

 

Harry smiled back.

 

“Then let’s book the tickets,” he clutched at Louis' t-shirt gently; his own white vest top riding up his belly and his matching boxers twisted around his thighs.

 

He didn’t want to move for fear of dislodging Louis’ hand from his hair; no matter how uncomfortable his twisted clothing felt.

 

Louis sank his fingers into his curls and scratched lightly at his scalp

 

“You sure you’re not part lion?” Louis asked as Harry murmured his appreciation.

 

Harry nestled closer with a raspy yawn.

 

“What time are you going out?”

 

Louis watched his eyes droop shut with a happy smile. He kissed his forehead.

 

“Not yet, love,” he promised. “Go back to sleep.”

 

//

 

“Louis says you’re off to France...” Jay dished up a hearty cooked breakfast for Harry once he’d woken; the bed empty beside him with a note from Louis to say he’d gone to the zoo.

 

Harry had dressed in dark blue jeans and a cream jumper to greet Jay; a navy scarf tied in his hair.

 

“We’re going to see a place for the lions,” Harry shared; unsure of how much Jay knew. “Louis had trouble getting them to train after they were let out and Teddy has some gum issues that'll take time to remedy...”

 

Jay nodded as she joined him at the table with only tea and toast.

 

“You didn’t have to make all this for me,” he added quietly.

 

She squeezed his hand.

 

“I like doing it. Unfortunately, my son has a bad habit of disappearing and you just happen to be here,” she smiled.

 

“Thank you,” he smiled back. “Although, I won’t be thanking you when I have to start training again,” he joked.

 

“Louis said you do the trapeze?”

 

Harry nodded, making a start on his breakfast.

 

“It’s as difficult as it is exhilarating.”

 

“You must be very talented,” Jay remarked. “Ricardo doesn’t employ idiots.”

 

Harry grinned. _Apart from Zayn._

 

“I’m still learning,” he shrugged modestly. “What about you? You must miss Louis when he’s away?”

 

Jay smiled wistfully to herself.

 

“He’s such a happy boy. So much energy. Being around Louis just picks you up,” she described as Harry nodded along. “It's hard sometimes, on my own.”

 

“No Mr Tomlinson?” He asked with a cheeky smirk.

 

“He died when Louis was eight,” Jay shared. “I never fell in love again after.”

 

“There’s still time,” Harry winked. “You’re young and beautiful. You’re bound to get snapped up.”

 

Jay laughed at the suggestion and fluttered her hand dismissively.

 

“I’ll leave all that up to you boys,” she teased.

 

Harry ducked his chin shyly.

 

“I really love him, Mrs. Tomlinson.”

 

He looked up when he heard Jay sniffle. She was smiling so brightly through wet eyes.

 

“He loves you too,” she promised.


	15. Chapter 15

The train to France was a long and tiring journey.  For most of it, when he could, Harry curled into Louis' lap and Louis threaded his fingers into his hair irrespective of his headscarf.

 

Louis was quiet for many of the miles they covered and Harry wasn’t used to it, but he didn’t like to force the conversation either.

 

They'd booked a hostel to stay at overnight before travelling home the next day and Harry was yawning as they stepped off the last train to walk to their destination.

 

Louis carefully took his hand to lead the way.

 

//

 

Louis looked out on the wide open stretches of grass with tears in his eyes.

 

The breeze across the plain was warm and the sun beaming down was warmer. It was breath-taking.

 

He could barely make out the lions inhabiting the pen they were shown to; such was the vastness of their enclosure.

 

They seemed to be sleeping in a heap towards the rear where a bowl had been formed in the land with dry dust for them to roll in.

 

It was literally a haven. It was perfect.

 

He gritted his teeth as he tried to ramp down the hurt surging in his chest. _Who was he without his boys? How would he cope? Would he even be able to adapt?_

 

He looked at Harry beside him and folded easily into his offered arms, sobbing out his hurt onto the front of Harry's shirt.

 

He’d wanted to look smart for the meeting and had paired his jeans and boots with a black, red and maroon striped shirt which he rolled up the sleeves of once it got warm.

 

Louis squeezed him as he caught his breath.

 

“Lou...we can find a way to keep them,” Harry promised, cupping his cheek. “I’ll work to help pay for them to stay close. If it hurts this much to say goodbye then-”

 

“It’s not about me, though is it?” Louis' voice was soft as he interrupted. “It’s about Teddy and Felix and what’s best for them. And-”

 

Louis hitched a breath, voice wobbling.

 

Harry nodded, running a soothing hand up his arm.

 

“It’s nice here,” he offered.

 

Louis sniffled, blowing his nose on the handkerchief Harry offered him.

 

“It’s more than nice,” he murmured.  “They’d be so happy here.”

 

“We can come and visit,” Harry whispered in encouragement, squeezing his elbow. “We can move here if you want,” he added with a smirk that made his eyes sparkle.

 

Louis huffed.

 

“Not likely, Casanova,” Louis teased of his flirting. He pressed a gentle pointer fingertip to Harry’s chest. “You’ve still got a job back home unless you've forgotten...”

 

Harry shrugged with a cute smile.

 

“Maybe I’ll audition for the Moulin Rouge. I showed Satine all her moves on the swing you know...”

 

Louis scoffed, grinning at his boyfriend.

 

“Unless you’re a Vampire who’s lived a hundred years then you’re not old enough, beautiful. Besides, I don’t like the idea of other men wanting you.”

 

Harry lifted his brows, arm sliding around Louis to curl him into his hold.

 

“That’s not something you ever have to worry about,” he leaned in to kiss him on the mouth.  “I’m not pretty enough for anyone else to want me.”

 

“We both know that’s not true,” Louis murmured, hand sliding along his jaw. “And anyway...I hope you’re not with me because you think I’m the only guy out there who wants you?”

 

Harry laughed then, cheeks flushing.

 

“I’m with you because I love you,” Harry assured softly.

 

Louis leaned up to kiss him back.

 

//

 

“So you want the lions to go?”

 

Ricardo was sat at the table in his van, fingers steepled. Louis sat opposite him whilst Harry waited impatiently outside.

 

He hadn’t understood why Louis needed to do this alone.

 

“Their wellbeing is the most important thing here,” Louis sighed. “And it’s best that we retire them now rather than push them without knowing the consequences.”

 

Ricardo nodded slowly, one hand lifting to flutter his fingers expressively.

 

“And what of your act, Tomlinson? What then?”

 

Louis swallowed hard.

 

“I don’t know,” he replied honestly, appealing to his boss with earnest eyes. “I need your help.”

 

Ricardo got up to pace about the floor, hands caught up behind his back as he walked to and fro.

 

“Miel,” Isobel’s soft, maternal voice cut across the van as she too stood up to halt Ricardo's journey. “Déjanos darle el espectáculo [Let us give him the show].” 

 

Louis had never learned Spanish apart from the odd few phrases that Ricardo and Isobel seemed to use frequently. It wasn’t often they spoke in their native tongue for Louis to wonder what was being said.  Ricardo looked at him with a narrowed gaze before staring at his wife. 

 

“¿Crees que él está listo? [Do you think he is ready?]” He asked.

 

Isobel smiled. “Preguntarle [Ask him],” she counselled. 

 

Ricardo nodded and slid back into his seat; challenging brown eyes meeting Louis'.  

 

“If you give up the lions then you will need a new challenge.” 

 

Louis nodded. “I will.” 

 

“Isobel and I have spoken for some time about taking a step away from the spotlight.” 

 

“I know, you gave me the extra intros and I’m really grateful, I don’t expect you to-” 

 

Ricardo gave a slashing gesture with his hand to cut him off. “We want you to take the show, Louis. We want _you_ to be the Ring Master...”

 

Louis blinked several times, mouth gaping open. “Wh-you what?” 

 

Ricardo smiled at his reaction, eyes wrinkling at the corners. He reached an arm out and Isobel fitted into his side seamlessly. 

 

“Louis, you’re so good with the crowd,” Isobel explained. “They love you. And Ricardo's right, you’re the one we see taking it over. It’s safe in your hands.” 

 

“But what if-” 

 

“We'll be here,” Ricardo assured. “But we'll take long holidays and find a quiet place to settle down one day. It’s been our dream for some time.” 

 

Louis looked up from the table top; heart thrashing in his chest. 

 

“I’ll learn _everything._ I can learn the books and the paperwork. I _promise_ I can make this work. I’ll do everything in my power to make you proud...” 

 

Isobel gestured for Louis to get up and he went willingly into her arms. She was like a second mother to him and Ricardo was the father he never had. Ricardo ruffled his hair; the sound of barking reminding Louis that he had people waiting on him. 

 

“Go and tell the bambino,” Ricardo urged. “Your boys are getting restless,” he teased.  

 

Louis grinned and rushed to the van door; throwing it open. Harry twisted from where he'd been pacing in the grass with Bailey playfully bounding at his shins. When Louis launched himself off the steps, Harry had no choice but to run to catch him tightly in his arms with a breathless gasp. He pressed his lips against Louis' hair.

 

“Don’t do that ever again,” he whispered. Louis chuckled breathlessly; eyes alight. 

 

“I’m going to be a Showman!” He announced. 

 

Harry let him go enough to grasp his elbows. “What?” 

 

Louis beamed. “Call it my consolation prize for having to give the lions up,” Louis automatically stooped to stroke Bailey as he sat patiently for attention. “Ricardo's going to show me how to run the show.” 

 

Harry grinned, dimples taking over the scarring on his face. “I _told_ you!” He gasped. “Louis, I _knew_ you were good enough!” 

 

Louis nodded with a derisive eye roll and let Harry hug him hard. He leaned up to brush his lips softly against Harry's; the familiar flutter in his tummy blooming into a shiver.

 

“Wait,” Harry sucked only a short kiss from his lips.  Louis arched a brow in response. “Does this make you my _boss_?” He queried. 

 

Louis’ smile slipped slowly across his lips. “I think new costumes are in order...tighter fitting ones,” he suggested with a devilish tug of his lips in one corner. 

 

Harry mock-thumped him before drawing him into a consumed kiss. 

 

“You know what this means,” Louis whispered as Harry rested the forehead against his. Harry swallowed. “We have to say goodbye to the fuzzies,” he acknowledged, sweetly. 

 

Louis looked into his eyes and searched for the strength he needed. Harry's lips placing a gentle, earnest kiss to his mouth was the reassurance he was looking for. 

 

“We’ll do it together,” he promised. 

 

//

 

The lions bounded into the grassed enclosure at a playfully lazy pace; rearing up to wrestle gently before trotting around the trees and dirt dug out curiously.

 

“They’ll live like kings here,” The Braveheart owner assured them.

 

“Can we visit?” Harry asked; fingers clasped through Louis' supportively.

 

“We recommend no more than twice a year,” Phillipe replied. “If you come more often they get attached.”

 

“Will they-” Louis voice came out a whisper. He cleared his throat. “Will they miss me?”

 

Phillips turned to look at him.

 

“At first, yes. But we have a programme for them and they will have many fun things to keep them busy...”

 

Louis nodded, heart twisting in his chest.

 

“I hate the idea of them pining.”

 

“We will look after them, Louis,” the older man promised; pronouncing his name the French way.

 

Louis swallowed, turning towards Harry.

 

“I guess we should go...”

 

“Shouldn't you say goodbye?”

 

Louis pursed his lips.

 

“It hurts,” he pressed his hand against his chest firmly.

 

Harry frowned in concern and bent to hug him.

 

“I know, Lou. But you can’t just leave them without saying goodbye. C’mon I'll walk up with you,” he suggested.

 

When Louis lifted his chin he gave a resolute sigh.

 

//

 

“Well you two,” Louis knelt among his animals and fussed them for the last time. “This is it, this is your new home. Do you like it?”

 

Teddy nuzzled him and Felix gave a soft roar.

 

“You won’t see me for a while. You get to be proper lions now, no hoops and tricks and bright lights.”

 

Harry kept carefully beside him to tangle his fingers into Teddy’s mane.

 

“You helped me more than you know, buddy,” he added. “And you Felix,” he reached to stroke the other lion while Louis rested back on his haunches with a resigned sigh.

 

Harry looked him over and spread his fingers between his shoulder blades.

 

“You too, Louis....”

 

Louis gave him a brief nod but didn’t meet his eyes; pushing himself up from his knees into a standing position.

 

“I’ll miss you both,” he whispered. “My heart already hurts so much. But this is the best life for you. So make the most of it...”

 

With one last press of his lips into each of the lion's manes he turned to go; striding across the field with purpose.

 

Harry stayed a moment longer; letting his hurt tears fall and joining Louis amongst his residing sniffles; linking his shaky fingers through Louis' steady ones.

 

//

 

Louis broke down when they got home, Jay’s loving arms holding him tightly.

 

Harry made tea and cut wedges of cake and took Bailey for a walk to give Louis some time with his Mum but when he got back he walked over to where Louis was sat despondently at the kitchen table and coaxed him out of his seat to lead him up the stairs; Bailey choosing to stay downstairs with Jay.

 

He tipped them both onto the bed fully clothed; cuddling Louis close enough for him to know he was loved.

 

Harry’s legs threaded with his; one arm around his shoulders and one hand cupping his neck while Louis fingers gripped his wrist tightly until his tears stopped falling; brushed away against the pillow case.

 

“Will it ever stop hurting?: Louis asked.

 

“I’m not sure,” Harry replied. “Maybe not.”

 

“Fuck....I couldn’t lose you,” he murmured.  “If this is how much it hurts.”

 

Harry shh’d him.

 

“You don’t have to Louis. I’m here.”

 

“Harry,” his voice cracked, papery thin. “I don’t think I can do this....”

 

Harry held him tighter; eyes squeezing shut in residual pain. His own loss was nothing compared to Louis' but seeing Louis hurting was too much to bear.

 

“It’ll be okay,” he assured. “Lou, I promise.  We’ve got so much to work on and we’ll plan when to visit so you can count down the days...”

 

Louis wrapped his arms around Harry’s middle and buried his face against his chest.

 

“I’m not sure if seeing them again would make it worse or better…”

 

“Oh, Lou,” Harry untangled his leg from between Louis’ to throw it over both of his to protect him wholly; soft lips against his hair. “I’m so sorry.”

 

Louis wiped his tears away; fingertips tickling at the hem of Harry’s t-shirt playfully, earning a slow, lazy smirk from the younger boy.

 

“Feeling horny, Lou?” He teased.

 

Louis huffed and wriggled; curling into Harry more.

 

“Just nice being able to do this,” he smoothed the fabric down.

 

Almost as a second thought, Louis lifted his chin to look into Harry’s face.

 

“Are you-do you…?” He asked quietly with a swallow.

 

Harry curled him back into his arms.

 

“Shh,” Harry soothed. “Stay there,” he added gently.

 

Louis sighed and relaxed his weight against Harry’s body.

 

//

 

**Two months later…**

 

“Leaving me again so soon, Boo Bear,” Jay complained as Louis rolled his eyes as he hugged her back.

 

“Yes, Mum, I do it every year…”

 

Jay pulled away to cup his face.

 

“When will you visit?”

 

Louis flicked a look at Harry.

 

“Soon,” Harry answered for him. “We’ll come back often, I promise.”

 

Louis smirked.

 

“See? Even Curly is better at this family stuff than me…”

 

“I’m glad,” Jay murmured as she reached for Harry to give him a hug. “Seeing as one day you’ll be a father to my grand-children…”

 

“Mum!” Louis gaped at her audacity.

 

Harry dimpled happily; a warm blush on his cheeks as he met her curious gaze.

 

“Yeah, I will,” he replied easily; assured in his response.

 

Jay lifted a brow towards Louis in challenge. Louis stared at his shy boyfriend in confused shock.

 

“Can we just get this show on the road, please?” he bent to lift up his duffle bag; Harry beating him to it with deft fingers.

 

He’d maintained his fitness training throughout the colder months; itching to get back up in the rafters to practice a new routine he’d choreographed with Laura when she’d come to visit them in the New Year.

 

“Ready when you are,” Harry promised as Jay gave Louis another cuddle and a kiss.

 

“Call me on Friday,” she demanded, then pointed at Harry. “That goes for you, too.”

 

Harry smiled and nodded; sauntering down the path to start the walk towards the bus-stop that would take them into town to meet Ricardo and the troupe.

 

“Hey, boyfriend, wait up,” Louis hurried to catch up; trying to take his bag unsuccessfully when Harry refused to release the handles from his fingers. Louis twined their digits instead; sharing the weight of it.

 

Harry looked down at him with a loving smile; eyes warm with his happiness.

 

“Thank you for letting me stay with you,” he expressed.

 

Louis smiled back with crinkles in the corners of his eyes; his bright teeth flashing in a wide smile.

 

“Welcome anytime, Curly…”

 

Harry chuckled at his charm and leaned down to press a kiss to his cheek.

 

//

 

“Everything is fine…” Louis was muttering to himself; palms brushing together nervously as he sucked in air and let it out amongst babbled words. “Everything is fucking great…you’ve got this, Tommo…”

 

He turned sharply; feet caught up around a leaping canine; Bailey jumping up for attention.

 

“Sit,” Louis pointed with authority and Bailey sat with a  wagging tail and a lolling tongue; chin tipped up to wait for permission to dance again. “Alright, come here,” Louis bent to lift up the animal; scrunching his face into an awkward grin as Bailey licked his cheeks.

 

“Watch the make up!” Louis complained; blue eyes flitting around the backstage area to check on his players.

 

Everyone looked strangely calm; chatting languidly and playful, almost. His eyes shifted around the groups until they found the source of the contagious giggle; Harry balancing himself on a barrel whilst he juggled with fruit- a banana and two clementines to be exact.

 

Louis let out a huff of air and strolled over with Bailey cradled in his arms; the dog wriggling onto his back to be carried like a baby.

 

“Think you lost one of your rapt audience,” Louis commented as he approached.

 

Harry gave a  wide, cheesy grin and bowed gallantly; jumping down from his perch to wrap Louis up.

 

“Hey, Lou!”

 

“Hey,” Louis hugged him quickly. “You should be dressed by now,” he tugged at Harry’s soft, fitted joggers pointedly.

 

Harry shrugged; one side of his mouth tilting upwards charmingly.

 

“Wanted to make sure you were okay first,” he murmured; dipping his chin to place a gentle kiss on Louis’ lips. He cupped Louis’ face. “ _Are_ you okay?”

 

Louis sucked in a breath through his nose.

 

“No, I’m fucking scared,” he admitted quickly with a tight press of his lips.

 

Harry made a concerned face.

 

“You’re going to be amazing, Lou,” he assured.

 

Louis licked his lips and looked up; holding his gaze steady with calming green eyes.

 

“Thanks for keeping everyone happy,” he appreciated.

 

Harry smiled.

 

“I like it here,” he admitted. “I like these people.”

 

“So do I,” Louis nodded; tilting up to kiss Harry once more. “Now go and get ready…your pink dove costume takes at least half an hour to perfect,” he added with a twinkle in his eye.

 

When Harry had told him he wanted to wear pink this tour, they’d discussed possible ideas for hours until they’d settle on the graceful white bird. Harry’s new routine was more complex than his last one, it took far more concentration and muscle control and when Louis had first watched the run-through; he’d felt breathless with pride.

 

Getting to watch Harry perform his hard-worked routine to the crowd was going to be the most incredible feeling but Louis himself had to get onstage and introduce the show in order for that to happen.

 

“Go get ‘em, boss-man,” Niall patted his back encouragingly as Louis hovered at the back entrance to the stage.

 

“Go on Louis!”

 

“Go get them, tiger!”

 

The troupe all rallied him; overwhelming him with emotion which he blinked back behind his eyes. The dark liner would only run if he cried now.

 

He twisted and threw them a high wave.

 

“Lets do this, team!” He called; ripping open the flap to run onstage.

 

//

 

“Ladies and Gentleman, children of all ages!” Louis projected his voice to the back of the room. “Welcome to the most magnificent, the greatest ever, the daring, delightful and dashing Tommo’s Circus!”

 

The spotlight was blinding but it swooped about with two others; allowing Louis seconds to view the crowd as the room erupted into deafening applause.

 

“Let me introduce you to my fine and worthy players,” he swooped across the stage with a jaunty march. “First up is the talented and brilliant leprechaun from the very depths of Ireland himself; Mister Niall Horan!”

 

Louis stepped back into the shadows and jogged backstage in the dark; slipping through the flap to slam his back against the nearest firm surface.

 

“Fuck, fuck, fuck…” he whispered; fingers tightening around his wrist to tug him forward into a stumble before he was being held tightly against a warm; polyester-encased body.

 

He smirked and tried to pull back.

 

“Mind your nice outfit,” Louis chastised Harry gently as he pulled away.

 

Harry’s face was painted white with accentuated pink lines flaring from his eyes towards his hairline; his lips matching in colour. Louis wanted to kiss him but he looked perfect; too pretty to spoil.

 

“They love you,” Harry told him with earnest green eyes. “ _I_ love you,” he added; leaning down to plant a firm kiss to Louis’ lips in spite of his make-up.

 

Louis couldn’t help smiling up at him.

 

“I love you too. Couldn’t have done this without you, beautiful…”

 

Harry rolled his eyes but smiled bashfully and stepped away.

 

“You best go introduce the next act,” he said; thumbing away the residue of his pink face-paint from Louis’ lips.

 

Louis shot him a grin before ducking back through the flap to take the spotlight once again.

 

//

 

**Epilogue.**

 

“Now it's possible they make take some time to come to you…” Phillipe was leading them through the reserve with a brisk pace which Louis and Harry kept with a light jog. “And it’s possible they may not react the way you expect…”

 

Louis glanced at Harry with a worried frown.

 

“Have they been okay?”

 

Phillipe twisted to smile broadly, nodding quickly.

 

“They are wonderful! Teddy’s teeth are good and strong and his gums are getting healthy now. Felix is starting to settle into his new life; he needed a lot of attention at first and Teddy seemed to take some time to adjust but they love the freedom to run. They love the other lions here, too…”

 

Louis let out a relieved breath and squeezed Harrys hand in his.

 

“Do they get to play?” Harry asked as Phillipe slowed them down; flattening his hand to swing it behind himself to gesture them to stop beside a metal gate.

 

“They have obstacles in the enclosure and we give them tasks similar to those you taught them to keep them happy,” he turned to smile at them both. “Are you ready to go inside?”

 

Louis nodded, biting his lower lip nervously.

 

Phillipe unlocked the gate and ushered them in. They’d had to put on protective chest shields and thick, padded jackets just in case but Louis knew they didn’t need any of those things because even if the animals no longer appeared tame, he knew they wouldn’t hurt anyone without good cause.

 

“They are up in the pit,” Phillipe gestured up the hill where Louis could make out two sand-coloured shapes lolled together.

 

“They don’t sleep with the pride?” He wondered.

 

“No, we control the interaction very closely,” Phillipe advised. “None of our animals have been fully integrated.”

 

Louis walked up the hill and sat cross-legged on the ground, Harry following him up to kneel beside him; alert eyes squinting into the distance to make out the pair of lions.

 

“They look so carefree,” he murmured.

 

Louis stripped blades of grass with nervous fingers.

 

“Fuck, they’re wild, Harry,” he breathed, tears coming to his eyes. “This is what we wanted all along…”

 

Harry turned to smile at him.

 

“We? This was all you, Louis,” he reminded gently.

 

Louis shook his head.

 

“No, they liked you from the start. More than-“ Louis paused as a motion caught his eyes; the two animals having woken up to roam curiously closer; circling each other as they looked down the hill towards the new visitors. “They’ve seen us,” he whispered.

 

Harry nodded, biting his lip against a smile as he sensed the motion of the animals before he saw it. As if someone had called to them; had clicked their fingers for attention; the two lions started of in a sprint down the hill; heading right for where they sat.

 

“Shit,” Louis frowned, swallowing. “You don’t think they’ll…”

 

“Here come the fuzzies!” Harry shouted gleefully; holding open his arms.

 

Louis cautiously got to his knees too; watching his two beautiful majestic beasts gallop towards them.

 

“Felix!” He gasped as the first lion came into the foreground; his fur plush and soft; his mane magnificent.

 

Felix seemed to weave between a path for Harry and Louis; undecided who to tackle first until he committed to his right; where Louis was positioned. Louis went down in a  tumble; wrestled to the ground and quickly fighting back with a happy huff; rolling on top of the animal with a roar of his own.

 

Harry barely had time to enjoy the sight before Teddy rammed into him affectionately; rubbing his face over Harry's chest and shoulders; roaring softly in recognition.

 

“Hey, big-guy,” Harry laughed; hugging him around the neck. “How have you been?”

 

Teddy soon trampled over Harry’s thighs to get to Louis; forcing Felix to jump out of the way and settle in a flop against Harry’s legs when he comforted himself on the ground.

 

“Oh, boys, we missed you,” Harry stroked him lovingly as he rolled onto his back for a belly rub.

 

“Fuck,” Louis sniffled, wiping away his tears as Teddy pinned him down playfully. “I missed you, Ted,” he managed to whisper.

 

Harry glanced down at his playful lion and reached across to squeeze Louis’ ankle.

 

“You okay, Lou?”

 

Louis managed to coax Teddy up enough to shuffle down beside Harry where they all settled into a comforted foursome.

 

“I’m good,” Louis smiled with watery eyes at his boyfriend; leaning across to plant a heart-felt kiss to his lips. “Love you, beautiful.”

 

Harry kissed him again; hands dug into soft lion’s mane hair.

 

“Love you, too.”

 

“You think we could open a place like this when we’re done with the circus life?” Louis posed then, thoughtfully.

 

Harry smiled; nodding his agreement.

 

“I think we could.”

 

“I know we’d never get these two back but we could save so many more animals that needed it.”

 

Harry lifted his arms to reach over to cuddle Louis against him awkwardly; since they had two heavy cats laid in their laps.

 

“Lou, I’ll follow you anywhere you want to go,” he promised.

 

Louis smirked a bit; kissing his dimpled cheek.

 

“Oh, you’d give up your trapeze that easily, huh?”

 

Harry shrugged.

 

“I’m not going to be able to do it forever…”

 

“But you’d like to do this?” Louis checked, looking around.

 

Harry nodded.

 

“I want to make a home with _you_ ,” he promised.

 

“Then we’ll work hard and save up and buy some land and we can make it happen,” Louis enthused. “We can adopt as many Felix’s and Teddy’s as we want.”

 

Harry grinned; running his fingers into his long-haired fringe.

 

“I'm in,” he assured.

 

“And by the way,” Louis thumbed his cheek; the pad of his thumb smoothing gently over Harry’s pock-marked skin. “I want it all with you. Marriage, babies, the lot.”

 

Harry huffed out a breath; cheeks warming.

 

“Lou…”

 

Louis kissed his forehead.

 

“I mean it, beautiful. I’ll make us a home you’ll never want to leave.”

 

“You already have,” he whispered with a wince. “But Lou, I don’t want our babies to have skin like mine,” he mumbled.

 

Louis kissed him softly; like the gentle wisp of the breeze rolling up the hill. Teddy yawned in his lap as he shifted to remind Harry exactly how attractive he thought he was.

 

“I want babies with green eyes and long legs,” he murmured, opening his eyes to meet Harry’s blinking gaze. “Ones who will be beautiful just like you.”

 

“Shut up,” Harry whispered back so quietly that Louis almost didn’t hear it but he didn’t miss the emotional sheen in his eyes or the overwhelmed breath he released from his lungs. “I love you,” he added; again, for good measure.

 

Louis smiled.

 

“Love you too. Now what do you say about getting these louts up so we can have a play around before we leave?”

 

Harry grinned with an eager nod and Louis put out his hand to help him up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you everyone who spent time reading this story and writing lovely reviews which keep me motivated!
> 
> Ang


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